He Really Did File ’em

Those samples of supposed court filings by the Cabin Boy™ that appeared briefly on Encyclopedia Dramatica last week were the Real McCoy. He filed this reply to the defendants’ opposition to his motion to disqualify their lawyer.

He filed this opposition to the defendants’ request to file an immediate motion for sanctions under Rule 11.

At first glance, the medical records proffered as Exhibit 5 do not appear to be consistent with the medical records we received in discovery in Kimberlin v. Walker, et al.

One does not simply lie in a declaration to the court and expect not to get burned.

188 thoughts on “He Really Did File ’em

  1. My original cyber-harasser the phony “Rev” Sutter filed a fake medical report to federal court…that didn’t go over to well
    “Moreover, Sutter created his own credibility problem by submitting to the district court a forged medical report which formed the basis of counts two and three of the superseding indictment and resulted in a two-level enhancement in offense level for obstruction of justice.”

  2. Bill needs to really go and talk face to face with an attorney, with every piece of paper that has been filed in this case, then pay him whatever it takes to get him out of this mes he has got himself into.

  3. Boy, I’m glad UPS dropped off my Amazon package before I clicked over here. My popcorn supply is adequate for this, but I’ll have to reorder soon!

  4. So he filed — openly, without requesting they be sealed — documents that were supposed to be under court seal? Isn’t that twice in this case alone?

    Shouldn’t the court that ordered them sealed have a stake in his contempt of court?

    • Well, he did claim that since those emails had already been leaked onto the internet that the court seal doesn’t matter.

      Of course, weren’t these emails leaked onto the internet by Bill?

    • He says it’s OK since they were already published they aren’t really sealed anymore. Other then being a complete idiot in believing that he also failed to mention that he was the one that published them after Kimberlin sent them to him.. You really can’t get any stupider then that.

  5. So, he files a motion to dismiss Walker as the defendants council in which he brings up Kimberlin, and when Walker dares to actually respond, you know, as a lawyer generally is required to do, Bill has the gall to scream, “See! See! He’s filing irrelevant motions and bringing up Kimberlin again!! I told you so!!”

    Does that basically sum things up?

    • And then declared that Aaron accepting the legally established fact that Kimberlin was found responsible for Carl DeLong’s death in a wrongful death lawsuit is “re-litigating” the wrongful death lawsuit.

      Oh, and calling someone a racist who says your Asian wife is a mail order bride is now defamation per se.

      • In a legal pleading no less.

        I am sure Lee will be happy to know that Bill Schmalfeldt has claimed in a legal pleading that the absence of a conviction means you’re not guilty. After all, Bill has been accusing him of crimes for which he was never charged.

        The RICO Racketeers will be happy to heart that, too. Why, they can use this as an exhibit in . . . well, I’ll redact myself.

        • Acme Law practicing before the Amazon imperial Court of Super high justice, and supported by the society of 5 Dollar Internet lawyers, these esteemed organizations trump the Supreme Court of the Great State of Indiana

    • Oh, and Kimberlin’s declaration should be credited at least as much as Walker’s. While Kimberlin was convicted of perjury as a teenager, it’s not germane to bring up his recent and documented forgeries of court documents and Walker hates me. So there. PPPHHHHHPPPPPTTTHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

  6. ECF 21, para 21: “[Bill Schmalfeldt] never believed his [words] would become part of the record.”

    Famous last words, Billy. Famous last words.

    • And therefor stating as a fact something that I, myself, admitted to is defamation per se.


    • And more at para 34: “Lies made to a Federal Court should be sanctioned, not embraced.”

      That there threatens to be a rather expensive sentence for Billy.

      • That needs to be placed on a suitible photograph as a testament to his willful self awareness. But where would we find such a photograph? Something to document what Billy sez?

    • Then he should not have written to the Court, should he?

      On my phone, because even I can only read so many financials before needing a break. My employer’s equipment remains unsullied by personal use.

  7. Paragraph 21: he calls the CASE THAT BK FILED against Aaron and others, “lawfare.” Really, he calls BK’s case, “lawfare.” Good to know.

  8. I’m not a doctor, but the actual documents do seem to indicate that there were no outward signs of injury — except some “soft tissue” stuff. Lots and lots of stuff not found. Oh, and didn’t a judge already determine that there was no assault?

    • I won’t go into too much detail, but I’ve got a passing familiarity with some of the eye conditions listed. Assuming the discharge papers are accurate, the only thing that the doctor actually treated for was eye pain. Acular is essentially aspirin for the eye and is not all that commonly Rx’d.

      The Iritis mentioned appears to be a “be on the lookout” kind of warning. Even if the doctor didn’t believe there was a physical assault, trauma to the eye can lead to iritis. They’d have told the patient to be watchful for the signs. However, if there had been a hint of it, they would have given a steroid for that. Since the papers were signed by an ophthalmologist, I’d be shocked if they didn’t. So that mention is irrelevant.

      For that matter… the eye stuff is all discharge papers. Where’s the original ophthalmologists paperwork? This actually tells us squat about the findings. This is all boilerplate stuff to give to a patient in the ER who had a physical assault,

    • Yes, and there is even security camera footage showing a distinct lack of assault.

      Still not using my employer’s equipment!

      Why is that starting to sound suggestive?

    • In an outpatient setting like the ER, when I a physician can not pin down a definitive diagnosis, all possible signs and symptoms are listed whether they are ruled out or not. I can just see the midget whining away in the ER. The triage nurse could probably not keep up to document all his woes.

  9. Amazing, just amazing.

    Witless Willie’s best (albeit poor) argument was that Walker was a likely witness. Willie did not even try to combat the argument that Walker was very unlikely to be a witness in the case at bar. Willie just conceded ithat his original argument was specious. I wonder what the judge will make of the fact that Willie’s position turned 180 degrees between motion and reply.

    Willie says that he did not intend for all of an exhibit to be relevant. Even if the judge accepts for purposes of argument that the actual intent was as described, the judge will have to admit that Walker could not have divined what parts of the exhibit Willie considered relevant in the undisclosed privacy of his so-called mind.

    Willie objects to Walker’s mention of Kimberlin, yet submits hospital records of Kimberlin to re-litigate an assault that the courts have found Walker did not commit. Was it not Willie who dragged Kimberlin in, who elected to have a convicted perjurer file an affidavit?

    I guess Willie’s argument that Sarah should effectively be denied counsel is that she made such a poor choice that Willie is already floundering in the procedural mess he has made by moving to disqualify that counsel. I know that argument makes no sense, but Willie tells the court that he personally would not choose Walker as counsel. I missed that rule of law where Willie’s choices bind the court.

    Willie is nothing if not dogmatic. The Supreme Court of Indiana may have held something, but this court should not only disregard that holding, but consider a lawyer who states what was held as lying (or, in the alternative, having an opinion that differs from Willie’s).

    I could go on fisking this stuff all day, but I have kids to tutor this afternoon.

    • The Fisking would never end for Billy’s pile of ad hominem excrement. For starters:
      1) Billy objects to Aaron’s describing Kimberlin as a “terrorist” in the common-sense meaning of the word (Doc 21, para 11). But Billy pleads for a common-sense meaning of the word “rule” at (Doc 22, para 3): yes, the ABA Model Rule isn’t, legally speaking, a binding “rule,” but have pity on me, a lowly “retired GS-13 writer-editor with the Federal Government”!

      2) At (Doc 21, para 15), Billy denies that his arguments are “ad hominem,” then IMMEDIATELY, in the same friggin SENTENCE, takes an ad hominem swipe at counsel: “…who apparently clutches his pearles and stumbles toward the fainting couch [sic!]”

      3) Re (Doc 21, paras 17-18): See JeffM’s second paragraph, in above comment.

      4) Re (Doc 21, para 19): The depths of stupid in this paragraph are gobsmacking! BTW, the very webpage Billy cites there also contains a reference to Billy’s harassing behavior.

      5) Re (Doc 21, para 20): After reading Lee’s declaration about Billy’s harassment (Doc 19, Exhibit K, paras 12ff), Billy admits to harassing Lee some more!

      6) Re (Doc 21, para 21): LOL, Billy obviously admitted to having PD dementia in that old letter to the judge. “Plaintiff never believed his letter to the judge would become part of the record,” doesn’t change what he admitted to in that letter. But if Billy wants other admissions of his “PD dementia,” we could always check his Twitter:

      7) Re (Doc 21, paras 24-32): Billy’s response seems to be “Your honor, just ignore a bunch of relevant facts Aaron described.”

      And that’s just the FIRST filing!

  10. He filed that?

    I mean, he really filed that?

    Look, I’m neither a lawyer nor a doctor, but I’m going to have to break out the “r” word: that boy is retarded.

    • Blob: “Here’s my argument”
      Aaron: “Here’s my reply, refuting every point thoroughly”
      Blob: “Your honour, let me know explain why that reply is bogus, on the grounds that my argument is irrelevant”

      • Blob: And the depths that he goes to, to refute my arguments clearly show that he should be disqualified.

        Blob: We’re all gonna be rich, right boss?

  11. In the second document, he admits that the case is about issues barred by collateral estoppel.

    • Just reading it now after spotting your comment.

      Having read point 4, point 5 made me laugh out loud. The man could not possibly be more stupid.

    • And even UNDERSCORES the sentence (para 4)!

      “Plaintiff has no problem with this court entertaining yet another…motion…by granting leave to file an immediate motion for sanctions” (Doc 22, para 6). Um, so why file 25 pages of bullsh*t? That sentence is the alpha and omega, as far as the issue at hand (i.e., granting Aaron leave to file for Rule 11 sanctions) is concerned.

  12. Or perhaps: “Aaron shouldn’t be their lawyer, because I got butthurt last time he got involved in a case.”

  13. Para 3 of the Reply for Sanctions: “Plaintiff….understands words to mean what they mean in the common lexicon.”

    But Walker called BK a terrorist, and he wasn’t convicted of such! He just set off bombs to terrorize a town.

  14. And I wonder how the judge is going to view Bill’s assertion that Lee’s unwillingness to talk to Bill (despite having just declared that he views Bill’s behavior as facilitating a rape threat against his wife) is somehow a reason to doubt the veracity of the declaration. Because, after all, Bill’s ability to verify it should somehow matter to the court.

    • And, again, Bill is the one running off on a tangent. It’s not his job to contact Stranahan to confirm the affidavit.

      Bill’s impaired “executive function” and poor short term memory are what’s causing the explosion of issues, not Walker.

      • Yep, ’cause trying to contact someone who has just declared to a court that they view your actions as abhorrent and facilitation a rape threat against your wife isn’t in any way abusive or unhinged. AND IT’S A DAMNABLE LIE TO SAY IT IS!

      • Well, if Aaron really wanted to spike the ball, now might be a time to dump the other 8 restraining orders against Billy into the record. Two places seem germane:

        1) In Doc 21 (para 20) Billy pretends to be confused that Mr. S would not welcome interaction on Twitter. To which one could echo: “Defendants are confused why plaintiff still doesn’t understand, despite receiving 9 restraining orders, that his advances are unwelcome (even threatening) to other people.”

        2) Billy’s “aw shucks, how could counsel feel threatened by little ole’ me?!” act (at Doc 22, paras 4-5) might also open the door to the ROs. I mean, if I got communications like “walk away” or “this is fight you want no part of” from someone whose behavior has warranted ROs in 6 different states, I’d feel physically threatened too–and reasonably so! (Something tells me a Federal Judge who peruses those 9 ROs will arrive at the same conclusion, viz: Billy knew [or ought to have known] that his communications would be taken as threatening by any reasonable person.) For a bonus spike of the ball, throw in Billy’s close connection to a certain convicted Speedway Bomber.

    • That was one of my favorite parts – self-titled happy my wife died theMerryWidower, previously slapped with at least NINE Restraining Orders from at least five states, actually put in a pleading that LS’ only response was to the effect of, “Do Not Contact Me.”

      hahahahaha The loathsome loser seems to get that a lot. hahahaha And along with those RO, will no doubt go a long way to bolster the fat freak’s credibility and victim status. In twitter court only. hahahahaha

  15. Trust no records that come from TK, Especially the K part. I presume any records previously submitted were audited by a records request from any facility, etc.
    Maybe Bill feels like forgery a step removed is safe for him.

  16. OMG!


    *breathes deep..


    *falls down.. breathes deeper..




    *dials 911 …


      • I can imagine a number of court personnel passing this around..

        “Oh you guys have to see this!”



        “Tom, the carnage at the Federal Courthouse is something authorities have never seen. Apparently, a legal filing by a deranged internet cyberstalker, named Bill Schmalfeldt, has caused utter chaos and devastation. Mr. Schmalfeldt, who has a restraining order against him from a three year old toddler in North Carolina, is known for filing frivolous butthort litigation. President Obama is considering sending him to Gitmo. And now, back to you.”

  17. “This is a fight you want no part of” and “set down the arrofance and walk away” are nothing but gentlemanly statements and in no way can be viewed as an attemp at intimidation, but “…customary precedure is to give you an opportunity to withdraw it before I move to strike it and sanction you for having file it” and “It will be removed and you are likely to pay for my time” is clealy improper intimidation.

    • And Billy’s generally nasty, arrogant and derisive tone/invective in his filings will SURELY win over a Federal Judge!

    • IANAL, but it seems to me that a court of law is, by definition, an adversarial forum. You expect some level of argy–bargy.

      Complaining to the judge “he said he’d win and that’s intimidation” cannot possibly go down well.

  18. Pingback: Baffled and Befuddled, Attorneys at Law | Dave Alexander & Company with Ukuleledave and David Edgren — This is the original Artisan Craft Blog

  19. “It has nothing to do with prejudicing the Court against Mr. Walker, but let me offer these ad hominim attacks on him and introduce a non-party to muddy the waters of what this case is about. Why can’t Walker just stick to the issues?”

  20. Bill really is about as good at this lawyer thing as I am at chess. I’m a shitty chess player, I can’t see more than a couple moves ahead and my seven year old almost beat me the same day I taught him the game.

    Of course, that’s why I don’t go and challenge my uncle, who was once a grand master at the competition level, to a game.

    He really can’t seem to think of the ramifications associated with a complicated lawsuit. He can’t seem to handle even the slightest deviation from what and how he thinks things will proceed. What’s more, he thinks that the judge will take pity on him and will allow him to proceed despite massive problems with his suits. Because… judges enjoy getting overturned on appeal?

    • It’s not simply that he’s incapable of thinking around a corner, Unemployed Broadcaster and Unemployable GS-13 Writer Editor Bill Schmalfeldt aka King of the Dancing Monkeys cannot even grasp the concept of corners.

  21. And despite Kimberlin having already lost a suit on the issue of truth, about Aaron’s claim that Kimberlin cost him his job, IT’S STILL A DAMNABLE LIE FOR AARON TO MAKE THAT CLAIM AND THE COURT SHOULD DISQUALIFY HIM FOR CONTINUING TO MAKE IT!

    Yep, just gentelmanly behavior there, nothing abusive or unhinged at all.

  22. This is a legal tour de farce.

    This will provably hurt Bill’s case.

    Neither sentence has a typo.

    The only thing dumber than posting this on ED was filing it with the court.

    • There are things only a sharp lawyer might spot. Then there’s things that any lawyer would spot. Then there’s things that a sharp non-lawyer would spot. Then there’s things that most people could spot.

      Then, there’s this filing. It’s like he decided to… never mind.

  23. Yeah, the attorney for the defense is supposed to be impartial, and the judge is supposed to be on the plaintiff’s side, in the Billogical practice of law.

    I mutter “What a f*cking dope” under my breath so often when reading Schmally’s pleadings that I might as well adopt it as my mantra.

    Pretty sure the same phrase appears as a motto in the Sschmalfeldt [sic] family Coat of Arms. That’s the special one for the sick Schmalfeldts.

  24. I’m no lawyer, but if you have to litigate several cases in order to somehow prove that a lawyer is unsuitable, and those cases turn out to be settled matters that refute the allegations made, that’s not going to go down well. At all.

    Let alone all this other crap where an allegation is made and then withdrawn without admitting it’s withdrawn.

    • So, what you’re saying is that if you accuse the other side’s attorney of being an incompetent, lying, loser, and the case histories themselves show that he has won, including on the issue of truth, you might be barking up the wrong tree?

      • I got about a third of the way through it when my lulz muscle snapped, wrapped around my throat and throttled me soundly for fifteen minutes. It took three construction workers and blowtorch to free me. They saved my life, you know.

        At which point, I resumed reading. I may never walk again, but I kept reading.


        • “I got about a third of the way through it when my lulz muscle snapped, wrapped around my throat and throttled me soundly for fifteen minutes. It took three construction workers and blowtorch to free me They saved my life, you know.

          At which point, I resumed reading. I may never walk again, but I kept reading. ”

          Stop showing off. You know that’s just a normal Tuesday in Canada.

  25. Bill Schmalfeldt, the unemployed broadcaster, needs to be evaluated for his mental health. I’m not saying he’s a danger to himself or others but he did try to plea diminished capacity.

    • Maybe we can ask the judge to order that, sua sponte!

      Wow. I’ve never seen anything like this. I’ve seen some truly disturbing things, but nothing like this.

      • http://imgur.com/fXiTBoq

        Billy has this funny habit: he tries to plead diminished capacity if it will help him evade responsibility for his actions. But he denies diminished capacity when it hurts his interests. Hmmm….

        • And there he admits he has poor impulse control and cannot control his emotions, perhaps even the expression of them.

          I almost said I’m curious why he declined to be tested to see if he could tell the difference between right and wrong, but then I remembered his argument in re Kimberlin’s guilt, and realized I had the answer.

  26. If nothing else, these filings confirm the generally held belief that Bill is bewitched, bothered, and bewildered by Aaron’s “baffling, befuddling […] blizzards of […] briefs”.

  27. Remember all the times I’ve said that Bill “Stolen Valor” Schmalfeldt couldn’t possible do anything stupider? I was wrong. Again. This is beyond a doubt the worst thing he could have done. Why it’s almost like he’s TRYING to get the case tossed.

    Hmmmm….if it gets tossed on a “technicality” (like he’s batshit crazy and is lying to the court) he could just use the same defense his Pedo King uses of “I”m just a poor pro se and your laws and rules frighten me”. I’m becoming more and more convinced that he’s trying to get the case tossed rather then dismissing it with prejudice again because he will look less like a failure. Well in his own mind anyway.

    World’s Stupidest Man™

    • The judge can get rid of this on lack of personal jurisdiction. In my opinion, that is a sure winner. And of course, after seeing this (sorry I do not know a word adequate to describe how inanely awful this is), any judge in her right mind will want to get rid of this.

      Plaintiff: Your Honor, defendants’ counsel keeps addressing extraneous matters that I Introduced to the case, which really is quite simple if you ignore all the extraneous matters that I introduced. Oh, and when are you going to hold one of the defendants in contempt of court for ignoring my failure to serve her properly. Furthermore, rather than get to the meat of the matter, let’s deal with my opponents’ request for sanctions right away because I want to deal with the meat of the matter before we even get preliminary motions disposed of.

      Judge: Plaintiff may well be right that this case is simple, but this court has no jurisdiction. Judgment for the defendants. Bailiff, I think my LULZ muscles are ruptured; please call EMS immediately.

  28. Why is Aaron making a Federal Case about every little niggling detail I introduce?

    I mean, really. Impeaching the credibility of my witness? Who does that?

  29. If one is going to assert that being called a motherfucker is not a naked insult but a defamatory false statement of fact, one should not get in high dudgeon (sp?) when the defendants produce a court document whereupon you state that you have, in fact, had an incestuous sexual relationships with your female parent.

  30. Do you suppose that Witless Willie even knows that the defendants get to file a reply to his opposition to motion for leave to file?

    It’s just so MEAm of the defendants to insist on their rights. It could have been a simple case, but now we have to deal with collateral estoppel in a case that Willie was not even personally involved in. Is there any part of his anatomy that he is unwilling to subject to pain and mutiliation?

  31. Dang, I go off and get a hair cut, study for my College Algebra midterm, and watch some Ripper Street, and see what I miss!

    I do love paragraph 21 of Doc.#21 where he states that his neurologist has proven that any dementia is limited. Not that the neurologist proved that he wasn’t demented; just that the dementia is limited.

  32. After reading the briefs and looking at some previously from other parties the fonts used by Bill are pretty small. It would take a bit more assessment but the letters look smaller than 12 pt to me. Of course letter size does vary with font being used and such. That being said, pleadings have been thrown out for not abiding by court font standards. 12 point double space is the rule for the Eastern District of Wisconsin, I’m not sure these meet that standard.

  33. Utterly fascinating. And educational. All of it.
    Thanks to those carrying the torches.

    And a reminder to all to hit the tip jar with a few, or many, coins now and then to the real life players dealing with this nightmare.

  34. Acme has shamelessly and hypocritically rehashed all of Brett Kimberlin’s memes against Aaron Walker while simultaneously accusing Aaron Walker of raising the subject. One has to be either perniciously intellectually dishonest, or sociopathic, to make such claims with a straight face.

    The same Bill Schmalfeldt who bragged about the costs and complexity he was about to impose upon the remaining defendants is now claiming that he is acting in the best interests of those same parties by ensuring that they face those costs and complexity alone! One does not need to note the obvious insincerity of those words. The system is adversarial. If this is an amicus brief on the behalf of the defendants he ought to label it as such.

    I search in vain for where the there there in Bill Schmalfeldt’s claim that Aaron Walker ought to be dismissed. He now admits that Aaron Walker is neither a target or potential witness in his litigation. Isn’t that admitting he raised the possibility in bad faith? Nor, has he offered any substantial objection to Aaron Walker’s qualifications. Brett Kimberlin filed bar charges against Aaron Walker and Aaron Walker remains a member in good standing. Bill Schmalfeldt is trying to reargue the same charges in Wisconsin. Doesn’t he claim that he wants to debate the merits of his accusations against the defendants?

    • Yes, but that was before! Don’t you understand? Now he wants to get rid of Aaron, and force Eric and Sarah to sit down and shut up while they are sued as he wants to sue them!

  35. I guess in Prendly Land Law School Teh Blab learned that if one party to a civil suit proceeds pro se then ALL parties must represent themselves because of *fairness*….

    It’s not FAAAAIIIIIRRRRR he can’t find any lawyer crazy enough to take on is suit (for the pittance he is willing to pay)…

    • “Prendy Land Law” sounds awfully close to “Prenda Law”.

      And will be equally as effective.

      On Wed, Mar 16, 2016 at 11:36 AM, hogewash wrote:

      > rt895 commented: “I guess in Prendly Land Law School Teh Blab learned that > if one party to a civil suit proceeds pro se then ALL parties must > represent themselves because of *fairness*…. It’s not FAAAAIIIIIRRRRR he > can’t find any lawyer crazy enough to take on is suit” >

      • Technically, Prenda succeeded – they made millions.

        They just didn’t quit when they were ahead. Which is certainly similar, but they actually had success to start with.

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