I’m Not Making This Up, You Know

The Cabin Boy™ actually filed this—

Portions of the exhibits have been redacted because they contain material that is unsuitable for this blog.

103 thoughts on “I’m Not Making This Up, You Know

  1. Paging Neal N. Bob!

    Neal N. Bob – please remember to stretch those LULZ muscles first…

    And the rest of you:

  2. Ho…lee…[REDACTED because, well, he might be an even bigger idiot than….never mind, no edumacating the bastard].

  3. I think In have said this before, it is not what is in the “complaint” but what was left out that is required to be in it.

    Maybe he should read FRCP.

  4. I am not a lawyer. However, that is one of the most absurd, self-defeating things ever voluntarily submitted to a court.

    Good. Lord.

    On my phone, heading out for the weekend. In other words, not using my employer’s equipment!

    Colonel Mustard, in the study, with a billiard cue.

  5. OK… he’s complaining because he voluntarily moved halfway across the country to avoid the legal machinations of The Cult, but it didn’t work, and the legal process has followed him?

    Man, that plan was so cunning he should consider changing his name to Baldrick.

  6. Perhaps the best thing about any of William’s Lulzsuits is that there are over a dozen existing motions to dismiss out there that can be copy/pasted and filed, and any of them will work.

    If either of the named defendants are reading this, can you file motion to have a guardian appointed for the plaintiff? How about a more responsible bartender?

    • Someone should just get an existing MTD from a previous lulzsuit, scratch the signature plate out and hand write their details in.

      It seems to work for Schmalfeldt in his exhibits.

  7. Even a year later, this one still cracks me up!

    If I’m not mistaken, that’s the one where he didn’t know what diversity of citizenship meant and proceeded to sue HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!11!!, (hereafter referred to “cult leader,”) a then-fellow Maryland resident, in federal court.

    The good times never go away, do they?

    • The first anniversary of this tweet is tomorrow. This is the third lulzsuit since it was posted.

      That says so much more about William than I ever could.

    • In his previous 5 LolSuits, he stated the law was on his side too!!!! Yet, no suit he has filed has ever made it past the MTD stage. Get a clue Bill, you are playing right the hands of those that mock you. This latest suit will end exactly the same way as all the others……You get mocked mercilessly for several months…….then you come to your senses and run like a scalded dog.

      • Must be. in the literally thousands of pictures that William has published of himself online, i don’t believe that I’ve ever seen him with any kind of a visible minority.

  8. Paragraph 6.

    1) How is he going to get any ISP information?

    2) If he actually does get any ISP info, how is he going to pay the ISPs to provide the information he requests from them?

  9. BS has a fanciful idea of what occurs in a judge’s chambers. No, I won’t link to it. It’s more like this:


  10. He still wants a jury trial.

    I’ve sat on juries, both criminal and civil. The thought of having to sit through the plaintiff’s case is just mind boggling, and certainly any jury would deserve far more than the $50 or so a day the court pays them. They’d need more than that if only to pay for medical care for the sprained lulz muscles, sprained not so much from use, but rather from fighting the lulz impulse while trying to maintain appropriate decorum.

  11. I honestly didn’t think it was possible that Stinky would file something even more damaged than his last ravings.
    really I didnt’.

    Dumbf*ck proved me wrong by filing that steaming pile.
    Not ONE of the many defects fixed, and many more added to the pile.

  12. I’m a little confused. Bill had stated in a sworn court document in multiple places that Eric has sent emails and called the management of his place of residence. But in the attached exhibits I can find nothing that indicates that Eric did either of those things. He does provide emails from some anonymous actor, but nothing from Eric.

    So is Bill stupid or lying? Yeah, yeah, I know, embrace the power of ‘And’

  13. From Paragraph 9:

    “…Plaintiff adopted a tactic of using publicly available information to identify his anonymous attackers.”

    The gist of his complaint seems to be variations of saying his attackers used “publicly available information” against him.

    “It all started when he hit me back.”

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