LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler—The Complaint

Here’s The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt’s complaint—

I found this paragraph particularly amusing.ECF 1-41

UPDATE—It’s one thing to have FUN pointing and laughing at Cabin Boy’s™ stupidity. It’s something else to offer comments that educate him on how to amend his complaint. Please don’t educate the Blob. Otherwise, I will have to shut down comments on this post.

188 thoughts on “LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler—The Complaint

  1. That’s some quality GS-13 writing/editing, right there!

    Also, DUMBFUCK doesn’t seem to know who he’s suing at any given time and appears incompetent to proceed pro-se.

  2. I’m a bit confused and haven’t read the whole thing (I have actual work to do) but is Hoge mentioned as a defendant? I thought he wasn’t a party to this suit.

  3. Naming Dianna’s employer as a defendant is a serious tactical mistake … the foundation has several high-power lawyers who will utterly estroy Bill and his lame attempt to access their deep pockets. A fat, stupid and demented ProSe is like blood in the water to the sharks …

      • But yes there is, Dianna. You used company time and equipment to defame me. That will not sit well with the board.

        • Just like the Hippocrit used his Juniper Court provided equipment to stalk and harass others. Talking and writing to his management company is beyond the pale, but suing your employer is just fine.

          Remember the rule, no matter what he does it is OK because he does it. It’s only wrong when you do it.

          • What Juniper Court provided equipment? My computer, nobody pays me for my time, I’m free to do as I will. If you’re at work being paid to further your company’s business, using their equipment and time to harass a STRANGER? I’d fire someone for that.

          • The WiFi routers? Doubt you paid for the infrastructure that they provide to you.

          • I see Bill Schmalfeldt wishes to muddy the water by noting everything that the residence doesn’t provide him. The real issue is what the residence provide him. His silence in answering whether, or not, he is provided internet access gratis by the facility is deafening!

          • Hey, how about we all sit back and watch while William undermines his own contention that he’s trying to redress a wrong, and really only wants to see his enemies lose their jobs?

            It’s not like that could lead to a dismissal for abuse of process, or anything,


            Thu. July 3, 2014 1:53 pm
            Thu., July 3, 2014 2:10 pm
            Thu., July 3, 2014 2:18 pm
            Thu., July 3, 2014 2:45 pm
            Mon. July 14, 2014 1:47 pm
            Monday, July 28, 2014 9:53 am
            Tue. August 12, 2014 9:56 am
            Tue. August 12, 2014 10:11 am
            Monday, Sept 1, 2014 9:53 am
            Fri. Feb. 13, 2015 2:11 pm

          • And that’s with me barely checking. And that’s just stuff about me.

    • So the plaintiff knows exactly when the employee’s work hours are, each and every day ever, and can tell whether or not the employee posted on work equipment or personal electronics, such as a smart phone or an ipad, as well as knowing what the employer’s policies are on personal use of such equipment.

      And he can’t even get paragraph 18 right.

      • There are also things like working from home and being on vacation.

        But since William spent his entire time as federal employee being a douchebag on xmfan, those distinctions are likely lost on him.

  4. Exhibit one seems like a tactical mistake by the plaintiff. Since it introduces, by the plaintiff, the idea and claim of the plaintiff, that he, the plaintiff, actually was the author of the defamatory posts that he is now objecting to.

        • Can the defendants describe him as a “failed broadcaster, failed author, and failed litigant” in their filings?

          • I seem to recall that he ran for political office some years back (town council?) and Gail was his campaign treasurer. Since he’s never mentioned serving, I can only assume that he is also a “failed political candidate”. It must have hurt him a lot so he assumes that when I didn’t get a seat on the Board of Education back in 2011 I too was deeply wounded. Actually I wasn’t; it’s essentially a 20+ hour a week job with no pay, and I really dodged a bullet on that one. But hey, if it makes him feel good to harp on something of no importance to me or any of my family, friends, and colleagues…..

          • Why grant him that much? If you ran solely for the purpose of winning, it might be fair to label yourself a “failed candidate.” If you ran on ideas about how to improve your local schools, and, did share those ideas with the electorate, then, your campaign was a “success” whether you won or lost.

    • And was it written on April 13, 2015 as Bill says, or on April 18, 2014 as the actual exhibit says?

      “If a filing has false or contradictory statements, it may be dismissed by motion alone.” – paraphrasing a U.S. District Court decision….

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  6. Paragraph 99 — he honestly quoted the part of the statute that makes his invasion of privacy claim null and void. “It is not an invasion of privacy to communicate any information available to the public as a matter of public record.”

    Paragraph 103 — really, Bill, people don’t have a right to the opinion that the material you produce, which features underage characters indulged in sexual acts, is child pornography?

    The rest of his claims about privacy run smack into the 1st Amendment. He made himself newsworthy by his actions. Quoting someone is never an invasion of privacy.

    Paragraph 110 seems to be him attempting to represent a whole horde of people. Isn’t that practicing law without a license?

    And, really, Bill, no mention that you’re under court order not to harass Grady?

    • Paragraph 110 does seem to be him claiming he is acting on the behalf of others. As one of them (Cardinal Capital) is an LLC, they can ONLY be represented in a court by an attorney. So, yup, you are right.

  7. Any odds on the judge referring to Bill as “Dumbfuck” at least once during the trial? It certainly seems to have been used in place of “plaintiff” in the filing.

  8. Bill, It looks like you did not ask Acme about the res judicata effect of dismissing your prior lawsuit, with prejudice, on August 20, 2015.

    • Yes he is, it is amazing that he actually believes that this case has substance let alone to the value of $75K.

      Unbelieveable, well it would be if we did not know with whom we are talking about.

      I stopped counting at 100 known errors in the filing. It is amazingly bad and as it is Bill, I recommend he keeps with this story because it will totally work (idiot). As I will not educate the totally professional legal expurt (yes I spelt it that way to mock you) as he does not deserve it. Mind you, the number of errors is amazing, as is his concept of defamation under US laws.

  9. William chastised us last night for commenting on Lulzsuit the Sixth (and his DUMBFUCK post last night neglected to mention his copyright counter-claim, indicating that I,/em> know his own litigation better than he does ) before we had even read it.

    Well, I’ve read it.

    My thoughts?

    I don’t know how he’s going to amend this ridiculous document to add Doe defendants – and possibly even the lady from Roe v. Wade – when he’s going to have to spend it cleaning his own hysterical spelling and grammatical errors and the phantom defendants that he’s tossed in there.

    If nothing else, the clerks got a nice laugh at the end of a busy week, so there’s always that.

    on the other hand, I’m sad that this one will be dismissed so quickly because of it’s brazen stupidity because I was just starting to compile a truly fascinating list of witnesses and areas of discovery.

  10. I loved the breathless statement that Krendler knows when he get’s up in the morning and that clearly makes Krendler a stalker.

    How dare Krendler know when The Hippocrit™ looks in his windows!

  11. Gonna be funny to see how hard he pursues the identity of the person behind his favorite blog of the three he listed. You know, the one he’s the only person to ever publicize or comment about.

    • He also says Grady is Krendler and that he himself is Krendler, Which must mean he thinks he’s Grady, so that’s why he thinks the site he obviously created was created by “Grady”.

  12. Uhhh..
    IANAL, and I tend to think it’s overbroad anyway, but isn’t exhibit 2 basically a big admission that he violated the (again over broad) CFAA? I mean he misrepresented himself to gain access to a protected system.
    Again, wildly overbroad law, but, still on the books.

  13. REALLY?? You’re hanging your hat on a fucking TYPO? A paragraph I missed during the document clean up?

    Oh, Hoge. You are a contemptible, sad old bastard. As far as saying I am Krendler, I have one word for your drooling horde to consider. “Fiction.” I know shades of grey are HARD for your folks, but I’m fairly sure the judge will get it.

      • It isn’t just typos, although they’re hilarious all by themselves. In paragraph 12, William describes himself as “totally disabled” AND “hobbled to a degree” in the same sentence!

        Was he totally disabled before the Parkinson’s “hobbled” him? If, in fact, William is totally disabled (and that should make for a FUN discovery,) wouldn’t a little limp be a given?

        It just keeps getting better from there. It truly, truly is the single most beautiful example of weaponized stupid that I’ve ever come across. Flaws in the logic, flaws in the law, incomplete sentences, spelling and grammatical errors everywhere.

        The further I read, the more frequently I had to remind myself that I wasn’t being sued for anti-retard discrimination under the Americans With Disabilities Act of 1990!

        • “In paragraph 12, William describes himself as ‘totally disabled’ AND ‘hobbled to a degree’ in the same sentence!”

          The totally disabled man who gets out his walker and goes for a solo stroll along the shore of Lake Michigan.

          • I’m much more enamored by William’s intellectual disabilities, but sure, there’s that, too.

            Lulzsuit will be disassembled word by word and piece by piece. Oh, what a joy that shall be.

            And we’re remaining silent about the things that are truly wrong with this filing and I thank you for that.

            I’m still shocked that I’m not even American and I know more about this than dipshit does on SIXTH attempt.

            Maybe he should have gone with the Americans with Disabilities Act, after all.

    • Was it a fiction that you applied for the copyright of Krendler’s material asserting, under penalty of perjury, that you wrote it?

      That might not work out too well for you.

      • Whose material? If you take 2o words from me and add 3? It’s still my material. And that fact has nothing to do with the current suit.

        • Krendler’s parody of your material is still Krendler’s material. And you applied for copyright of Krendler’s parody.

          But you’re right. There’s no possible way that could bite you in the ass in this suit. If it survives a MTD.

          • Out of 10 words of a Krendler piece copied in the book, 7 were mine originally.

          • Out of the 16 words of a Hippocrit peice in the comment copied in this post 0 were relevant *originally*.

          • Parody is parody even if it only takes 1%.

            Though it taking so little effort to parody you should tell you how close you are to self parody.

    • You have been “fairly sure” of a great many things, Tons-o-guts.

      I’m “fairly sure” that if his legal abortion makes it past MTD, the judge is going to calibrate your fatass…. and you will not enjoy it. (Even given your fascination with all things butt)

        • Who made a video of himself rolling his poo into little balls and sniffing them?

          That would be you, Blobbo.

          You keep being “fairly sure” about stuff….

          … and others will pwn your dumb ignorant ass at every turn.

    • That’s not a typo, Dumbfuck. A typo is when you hit the wrong key or use the wrong punctuation mark. It’s not when you accidentally name people as defendants.

  14. Hmmm… I’m going to stop mentioning where, exactly, but…

    He is continuing the fine tradition of lacing the golf cleats on very carefully, before stepping on his crank.

    • Appearances are everything to Boy William. It wouldn’t do to have untied laces. It wouldn’t do at all.

    • Dr_Mike,
      I’m pretty sure your final sentence applies to literally every word in the document. Makes it a bit difficult to be specific 😀

  15. I was thinking; maybe it would be in the public interest to begin a new blog, solely devoted to discussing (in great detail) the exhibits Bill attached to his latest litigation. I think it would be a great public service (and in the public interest, naturally) to exhibit and discuss, in fullest detail, the items Bill claims do not count as “parody of a public figure.” It has First Amendment interest and, since it involves ongoing litigation, it has current-events interest. The public would welcome, I think, a chance to see the full exhibition and discussion of the legal nuances of the blogs and pictures Bill denies are “parody of a public figure.”

    I hear there’s a name for an Effect like this, but for some reason, it slips my mind just now.

  16. I’m so confused. But looking forward to being in the Jury Pool. Will there be large pictures in court as well as charts showing the defendants?

  17. And twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explainin’ what each one was, to be used as evidence against them.

  18. I can only think of one reason why William – who is suing under Wisconsin state law – would waste so much paper citing Illinois, North Carolina and Tennessee statutes

    DUMBFUCK thinks that there’s a minimum page requirement for a lulzsuit to be accepted by the court.

  19. I love how The Hippocrit simple declares a comment to be false but not what about the comment to be false,this leaving it as an exercise for the reader.

    My favorite is page 116. The assertion that Unca Biwwy thinks is almost certainly false.

    I’ve never been able to catch a train there.

  20. Can someone explain what the minimum level is to be included in one of these suits??? I’m seeing folks who rarely comment listed.

    • You apparently have to wait your turn. Everybody gets in on a lulzsuit eventually, but only a couple of a dozen at a time.

      28 seems to be the magic number.

      • Looking at the comment he pulled out for me? I’m guessing, “location, location, location.” He didn’t want to provide an exhibit more altered than that one appears to be.

        Hmm, may have to get teh Twitterz and join the seekrit site.

        • BTW, if I do join teh Twitterz and ask to join the seekrit site, I’ll post a comment stating that I have. If “somebody” (looking at Milwaukee) with a history of false Twitter handles, makes itself a new account and tries to get in, assume it ain’t me without serious verification.

          Not that anyone on this list would be so bold as to make Twitter Handle 151, @Bacardi.

    • Apparently, Cousin Bill is more offended by my telling him “you first”, than by my calling him a rapist.

      Footnote 5 is just precious, as I have the notarized copies of the genealogical records (birth certificates, marriage certificates, etc.) to prove that we are cousins.

  21. Hmmm, jurisdiction, venue, causes of action, … yep, nothing about Cabin Boy’s incoherent screed is valid.

    Plainly, yet another of Cabin Boy’s attempts to be committed.

  22. Totally disappointed that NO FELDT CHARTS were in the exhibits. NONE! And no arrows pointing to “HERE SEE THIS!?!!?!” with long winded summary of how to correctly interpret the exhibits? How can you brazenly cheat your fans, Billy? Do we not matter to you anymore? We such hopes.

    Don’t get me wrong, the rest of that screed and tortuous word salad was hilarious. Bravo, Big Man! BRAVO!!!

  23. One little subtlety I don’t get. If I had made as many blunders as Willy has, I’d never deny being a drinking man. Everyone who drinks can remember doing things under the influence that the sober mind recognizes the next day were really, really stupid.

    Now I never had sex with a prostitute in public on a stage, but if I had to admit doing so, I undoubtedly would say, “I was completely blotto when it happended if indeed it did happen.” Oh, and if I admitted it without being under compulsion to do so, I’d undoubtedly say, “I was completely blotto when I made that admission, which in any case wasn’t true: it was just the delerium tremens talking.”

  24. Why would any compassionate person, let alone devoted spouse, inform a woman near death of ANY internet content that he believes she would find distressing or disturbing, let alone anything said by strangers on the internet that he considers vicious or false remarks at her expense.

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