LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler


The Cabin Boy™ has announced the filing of his next LOLsuit. He says that he’s mailed it to the U. S. District Court in Milwaukee and that the named defendants are Patrick Grady of Palatine, IL, Eric P. Johnson of Paris, TN, Sarah “Rose” Palmer of Reidsville, NC, Dianna Deeley of San Francisco, CA, The William G. Irwin Charitable Foundation of San Francisco, CA, and Nancy Gilly of Groton, CT. He says they engaged in State Law Torts, Unlawful Use of Computerized Communications Equipment, Harassment, Invasion of Privacy/Right to Publicity, Stalking, Defamation Per Se, and Mopery with Intent to Lurk Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress.

orvilleredenbacherHe has also said that he will seek John Doe subpoenas to try to identify the following individuals to be added to his LOLsuit: Techno Jinx, MJ, Roy Schmalfeldt, Vigilans Vindex, Pablo, Neal N. Bob, This Other Latin F*cker, Perry Mason, Howard Earl, A.B., Tao, Jane, Grace, Dr_Mile [sic], Katie Scarlett, Rob Crawford, The 13th Diuke [sic] of Wymborne, Kobayashi Maru, AJ Fornicarious Hoc, JeffM, Gus Bailey, and Colonol [sic] Victor Trollpoker.

Click on the image above to buy more popcorn from Amazon.

169 thoughts on “LOLsuit VI: The Undiscovered Krendler

      • Me too. But I haven’t really tried.

        But then, I do live in a small country and know one of the better harassment lawyers personally. Perhaps I should try harder?

        • I infrequently comment at the best of times, but truth be known, there was nothing that I could say that could diminish his public standing further than quoting his own messages back to the public.

          CBBS has always made me wonder why you would be so angry at a group of people that first of all would be happier if he did not attempt to move within this community and second of all, after being pushed responded in kind and this somehow upset the unflushable failure of logic and sense.

          He comes into someone’s house, smashes windows doors, craps on the benches and the beds and cries when a friendly neighbour tells him to stop. I have followed this story from the very start, having stumbled on this by accident very early when I found Aaron’s ATB website. Since then I have been amazed at the antics of those involved from the side of stupid and evil and can not believe that they even think that they should be the ones suing.

          The only reason I can see that they undertake this lawfare was as a means to protect themselves when the lawsuits from the Gentle host and others began to occur. They wanted to be able to go to a judge and say that you started it and here is the evidence. This works in primary school when the teacher is busy, but against patient and learned people, it is a recipe for disaster. The only thing worse would be to continue to do the same as you would end up being identified as a vexatious litigant and excused from the ability to utilise legal recourse without representation.

          This is where we are up to now. The ridiculous two are running out of bridges to be burned and now the Judges are treating them as the rather poor characters that they are rather than affording them some respectability as they did when they began this trek into stupidity. You can see it in the tone of the responses from the Judges, even overloaded ,they can get the idea that certain people are not honest and reputable and that when these people continue to undertake their actions despite generous and obvious advice against such action, that the courts have lost their patience and will not continue to act as weapons in dumb and malicious activities and will endeavour to re-establish the courts objectiveness in the matters after being initially favourable and less than stringent with their dealings with CBBS and DPBK.

          I don’t know if I am reading to much into some of the recent responses from the Judges involved but it seems that a little ways back BK crossed the final line and now is being treated as he deserves. I hope this is true.

  1. *shrug*

    I have never sent any communication to him. I have never made a comment about anything he hasn’t publicized. He has repeatedly said he is not bothered at all by what is said about him, and that his intent is to punish people through the courts for acts he says are perfectly fine WHEN HE DOES THEM.

    Billy Butthurt has been acting increasingly erratic. Anyone seeking peace orders against him should request a court-ordered psychiatric examination.

  2. William’s going international, I see. Didn’t they teach the definitions of phrases like “subject to the definition of the United States” in Iowa civics classes?

    Can we call this one “Lulzsuit VI: The DUMBFUCKERY Continues?”

    • “One Flew Over the Lulzsuit Nest”?

      “Dawn of the Lulzsuit”?

      “Deranged: Confessions of a Lulzsuit”?

      “The Giant Lulzsuit Invasion”?

      “Lulzsuit and the Real Girl”?

      “Lulzsuit, Actually”?

  3. Pingback: Bill Schmalfeldt: ‘Google’ Bill Schmalfeldt is a great idea. | Dave Alexander & Company — Ukuleledave and David Edgren

  4. I’m sure that he’s not suing the charity purely out of spite and the hope that they fire someone. I’m guessing that they must have published something that I just haven’t seen.

    Also, don’t at least two people on this list have restraining orders on him? Didn’t his attorney tell him suing someone with an RO in place was tricky?

    • “Didn’t his attorney tell him suing someone with an RO in place was tricky?”

      You mean Eli? Random AVVO lawyers? Some terrorist pedo-bomber from Maryland?

      • I was thinking of AVVO, yeah. Didn’t someone post a link a long time back that just had to be BS from BS asking that very question? IIRC, the free attorney basically told him it was tricky, potentially legally dangerous and should only be attempted with a competent attorney at the lead.

    • The last attorney he actually employed told him he’d end up in jail if he kept on his path.

      So Bill fired ‘im.

    • I am his target. Since I have never defamed him, and the sole communication I ever made was in response to a public threat to publish my private information – “House pictures, telephone numbers, the works” to quote the public threat – he is making a mistake.

      I am a very mild person because I can afford to be mild.

  5. I’m actually offended, after all, I might be Krendler! Hasn’t he stopped to consider this? Do I have to up my game to be noticed by our dear Cabin Boy?

    *laughs uproariously* *munches popcorn*

    What a maroon.

  6. In all seriousness, though, Kimberline must have just told Schmallballs it was time to jump and start distracting from the train wreck the pedophile bomber is going through.

    • Willy, when you defend yourself by saying; ” I haven’t raised a hand against Dave in God knows how long.”, I’d say a judge is just window dressing at this point.

    • Keep talking it up as a fine piece of legal work where you have been extraordinarily successful. That way, people can make everyone shake in their boots…

      From laughing so hard about just how stupid you really are. Failure is not an option for you because that’s all you have. You wallow in it as if it is a badge of honor, fully immersed in the ocean of dementia. Too bad you’re spending your life savings on butthurt rather than enjoying your retirement.

      Real smart, there, sweetheart.

    • We have all seen the outcomes of the other five attempts BS… all those men who lost their homes/wives/children… you must be swimming like Scrooge McDuck in the monies you won.

      Oh wait…

      • The last one was especially precious.

        “They’re not sitting there and being sued to my satisfaction, so I must flee the jurisdiction. I’m ever so tired. I said good DAY, sir!”

    • No one needs to see the complaint. “Now comes Plaintiff William M. Sschmalfeldt, pro se…” is all anyone needs to know.

          • Given all the whinging and yapping in the small dog kennel tonight, I’m wondering if there’s a wolf out there who could grab these yapping Yorkies one at a time and tear them to pieces in the woods. A horrible thought to go to sleep on…

          • Given the Cabin Boy’s™ associations with felons (at least one of whom has been convicted of violent crimes) comments such as this push the borderline of what could be interpreted as a threat which should be reported to law enforcement. I don’t want to have to put the St. Francis PD on speed dial.

          • But his character is so sterling! I thought that’s what the lulzsuit was intended to prove.

          • FELONS? Association with FELONS? I do know an ex-con. But FELON(S) in the plural?

          • I do believe this is a specific threat aimed directly at me. There is no one else that William Schmalfeldt addresses with dog references. Given that I believe Bill tried to get his friend Brett involved in our legal case, I think this could be considered an attempt at intimidation.

          • Judges also like to write their own comedic briefs in return. Some of the ones I’ve seen have left me crying they were so awesome.

      • How many times did he misspell his own name in ONE lulzsuit? Five times? Six times?

        40 years of writing experience on display.

        • He misspelled it once in two separate lulzsuits.

          Now ask yourself two questions. How long have you been spelling your own name, and how many times have you gotten it wrong since you were four years old?

          William did it TWICE as a presumably competent adult in federal filings that future generations of lawyers will be looking at for eternity as they marvel that the republic withstood so much stupid.

        • Saying things you don’t like isn’t harassment. The fact that YOU SEEK THIS OUT makes it clear this isn’t harassment.

          And are you going to include SPQR in your suit?

          • SPQR,

            William would actually get on his little red scooter and drive it to Rome and file the lulzsuit there. Presumably in Italian. And the range on the Billmobile, if I remember correctly, is only 30 miles.

            Just because Americans sue one another with impunity, it doesn’t necessarily follow that they can sue anyone, anywhere, in the United States.

            The world simply doesn’t work like that.

        • If you were committed to bringing this to an end, you would just go away.

          If you were committed, you would just go away.

          Same result either way.

          • As I’ve said before, he won’t suicide; it’s not a goad, just a statement of opinion based on information and education.

          • Bill, Bill, Bill, you and I both know what is the only effective step you can take to “end” the “harassing bullshit” is. Neither threats of doxxing, violence or litigation, nor actual litigation are going to stop the folks here from posting the plain truth about you. You want it “to end.” We want justice. You know what Justice is Bill? Justice is being subjected to the same world you create for others. The Stranahans repeatedly asked you to leave them alone. You kept “investigating” them. Now, you are the one being placed under the microscope. You don’t like it, do you Bill? You want it “to end?” Too bad for you BIll Schmalfeldt. You, not the Stranahans, decided when your harassment of them would “end,” and we, not you, will decide when this ends. You offered the Stanahan’s no mercy, granted them no charity, and showed them no empathy. You should expect the same from everyone here including me. You should be relieved that the basic sense of decency of the folks here is greater than your own.

            When this latest legal folly of your ends badly for you, which it will, your dim understand of the reality of your situation will brighten ever so subtly. Your lack of self-awareness is stunning, and disturbing. It will be a long process, but, it will end badly for you.

    • I agree. The system is that you do do stupid things, we mock you, you make stupid threats, we mock you, you say you’re going to ignore us, we mock you and so on.

      Why bring judges into it? The system works well as it is.

        • Would that be the truth that The Hippocrit™ didn’t write the “Confessions” book? Would that be the truth that Hippocrit™ were Krendler? Would that be the truth that Hippocrit™ sued Grady (swearing under penalty of perjury) for what it claimed (under penalty of perjury) that he himself wrote and thus owned the copyright on?

          Is that the truth he speaks of? Because that truth… that truth is fucking hilarious.

  7. Having read all of William’s legal filings in his many lulzsuits, i have only two questions about the coming one.

    Will it be wearing a different set of clown shoes? Will the defendants be provided with seltzer bottles or will we have to bring our own?

    I only hope that he keeps his passport current.

    • I can imagine a judges reaction to suing an anonymous person who uses the name of an unwinnable situation as his online handle.

          • It never hurts to try, does it?

            Besides, it would make for the most beautiful response brief ever!

            “RIGHT WING NUT JOBS! KOSSAKS! GROUP-THINK! NOT ANAL RAPE! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!11!!!”

  8. Wait until he has one of those Wisconsin judges snap him upright but gas. This ain’t no east-coast 4th Circuit wimps. These are Midwestern gamers from Wisconsin/Illinois/Indiana that have actual work ethics and look hard askance on Billys tomfoolery.

    What a hoot.

  9. Wait, don’t you guys take turns being “Krendler?” I thought that was how it worked.

    Or am I not supposed to educate the mental midget?

    Can you say “midget” here?

    • O. M. G. Does he actually think that “Publishing Stuff” will gain him anything? That random people will filter down from the Heavens and randomly buy his stuff?

      And the unabated HOOOOOOOOGE! Rage. Geez. Toddlers often fixate on things, but usually grow out of it.

      This is Bill’s World. We are only here to annoy him.

  10. How many days till Bill begins writing letters to the Judge crying about ‘the mean people making fun of me’ because my LulzSuit VI sucks so bad? I say one week from now. What’s the over / under on the number of inproper communications to the court that will be returned unread?

    And do we need anymore proof that Bill can never quit us, that on the day he filed his 6th bite of the Apple he trolls the comments of his torturors. Go away Bill!!

  11. Let’s see. He is planning to sue 26 individual defendents presumably resident in the US plus what appears to be an attorney who is neither a resident nor a citizen of the United States and a corporate body apparently chartered in the US. The twenty-six can jointly hire a lawyer, or they can crowdsource the legal research and writing if they all go pro se. This is really going to be fun.

    And we need to remember what really drove him crazy the last time, namely dealing with procedural issues before dealing with substantive ones.

      • The plaintiff has a documented history of misapplying the concept of diversity of citizenship when merely limited to what your Constitution refers to as “the many states.”

        Let’s see how he does with arguing for U.S jurisdiction against foreign defendants.

    • And it’s 28 defendants. Five named individuals, one registered non-profit, twelve John and Jane Does. If we’re really lucky, the amended complaint may include a partridge in a pear tree.

      Those are going to a lot of motions to handle for someone whose Parkinson’s is allegedly aggregated by stress.

      He should really see a doctor about that.

        • There is that. The podcasting will surely suffer with all that paper.

          The postage alone will be daunting, I imagine. So paying the hosting fees might become problematic. Perhaps well see just how many trial periods one man can go through during the course of what might be years of litigation.

          Ever wonder how much paper can fit in a man-cave?

          • I may be off on the numbers, but if each defendant submits a response to every single motion by the plaintiff, and if each response requires a response by him, and each response can be up to 50 pages (plus exhibits)…

            He’s going to de-forest half of Wisconsin with this folly, isn’t he?

        • In my opinion, no.

          William is a chronic over-sharer who never let an appointment with the neurologist go by without telling us about it. Just this evening, he said that Luzsuit the First was hastily dismissed under orders from his doctor.

          But when was the last time a visit to the doctor has been mentioned? To the best of my knowledge, it was months before he moved to Wisconsin.

          There are other reasons I believe what I do, which will become clear in discovery.

          Hey, did you know that all that stuff is public in the United States? That’s pretty wild!

      • There are 28 potential defendants, but 1 is presumably not a US national and is presumably laughing hysterically at the whole farce, and 1 is a corporate entity that will have defenses not common to the individuals. The 26 remaining individuals will have a large number of common defences plus some that will be unique to each individual. All I was saying is that the 26 US individual defendants may find it advantageous to pool their resources with respect to their common issues.

        Just some issues that will probably be raised by numerous defendants.

        What court has jurisdiction and which state’s laws apply? Wisconsin law certainly does not apply to me for example.

        Is Willie a public person, either generally or for a limited purpose?

        What is he alleging each defendant said that was not a true statement of fact or protected opinion or satire?

        • I think your questions give him too much credit. Billy never leaves the “I should own your house and wife because my ass is sore” stage.

        • For all William knows, none of the Does are U.S citizens. I’ve verified that I’m not an American citizen or resident and have no significant commercial connections to the United States, but who knows anything about the other eleven? They might be. Or not.

          It raises innumerable fascinating legal issues at almost every phase of the lulzsuit.

          Of course, the overwhelming probability is that even if he does get to subpoena WordPress, all he’ll be handed are TOR IPs and throwaway email addresses.

          But it seems to put William in his sweaty-palmed happy place, so who am I to argue?

        • more than one is not a citizen of the US actually.
          I’m sure for Stinky it would be easier if all the defendents (named or not) got together with one lawyer representing them all, but that isn’t going to happen.

          Nope, Stinky wants to sue over 20 people for butt hurt in the Nth degree, he’ll just have to deal with (almost) that many attorneys bitch slapping him with (REDACTED-don’t educate the monkey)

          not a course I would chose but then I’m not a dumbfuck.

          • There’s another exciting possibility that I haven’t mention yet.

            In Lulzsuit V, William stupidly sued an attorney on purpose, which didn’t work out for him that well. How does he know that he’s not suing a lawyer by accident this time? Or three? Or four? Lawyers that personally dislike you are a thing to behold.

            Because of the sheer number of Doe defendants, Luzsuit VI promises to be full of surprises, each more surprising than the one before it!

            In the meantime, we can all watch him be declared an adjudicated cyberstalker again. That really never gets old.

        • I do not now, nor have I ever reside(d), in part or whole, on any server housed in Wisconsin. I am however, quite fond of the Google server farm floating in international waters off the shores of the Bahamas.

  12. Bill Schmalfeldt’s possible lawsuit is a challenge that must be answered. He claims that he is imposing shutuppery upon the hoard by force majeure. He claims that we are to no longer “harass” him, etc. I, for one, will not be coerced by such threats. The only appropriate response is to redouble our efforts.

    That presents a bit of problem. As it stands, Bill Schmalfeldt is a laughingstock. He is the modern day equivalent of the circus freak of old. Two websites are pretty much dedicated to documenting his bizarre behavior. Another lampoons him brutally on occasion, and our gentle host likewise has kept us abreast of his folly. What’s the next step?

  13. He may get so frustrated that he bites the head off of a chicken.

    I’m sure someone will want to jump in at this point and say “NO, that’s too bizarre, even for Schmalfeldt.”

    So, I’ll just wait quietly over here.

  14. I want it officially noted that I am evil enough, and dangerous enough, and irritating enough that I could certainly have made the cut if it was written by a brain dead from the teste-pedes up Epsilon Minus semi-moron.

  15. I would like to ask a favour of the horde members being sued.

    If this ever gets to any sort of hearing, can ALLL of the defendants rise at once, turn, point to a pre-selected person in the courtroom, and in unison shout – “I call THAT guy”

    Video would also be appreciated.

    That is all…

  16. Pingback: How To Spot a Crazy Person #2,341 | Dave Alexander & Company — Ukuleledave and David Edgren

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