SOUND: Skype phone rings once.
JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.
LT. BRADSHAW: (Telephone Filter) Atsign, it’s Bradshaw.
JOHNNY: Why, Lieutenant, to what do I owe the honor once again?
LT. BRADSHAW: (Telephone Filter) Cut the sarcasm, Atsign. Look, I called to say, “Thanks,” for that help last week.
JOHNNY: Oh. Well, in that case, “You’re welcome.”
LT. BRADSHAW: (Telephone Filter) If you’re headed down to Annapolis and Baltimore any time soon, I’d like to ask for another couple of favors.
JOHNNY: As a matter of fact I am. What’s on your mind?
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …
JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of the Missing Paperwork Matter.
JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @LtBradshaw This spirit of cooperation could ruin our cop/detective competition schtick.
JOHNNY: Bradshaw and I go way back. We first worked together in radio on a public station in LA. We both moved on, and so did the show we worked on. It moved to a another public station for a while before hitting the big time. That second public station never was massively popular, and in recent years it’s fallen off the rating charts. While I’ve never been associated with that second station, Bradshaw has worked with them occasionally. Bradshaw had asked me to conduct an investigation on that station’s behalf.
During my investigation. I uncovered a connection between The Grouch, The Bomber, and a radio personality named Bud Friedeggs that provided a possible explanation as to how The Grouch had temporarily been able to use the station’s feed to fill some of the dead air on his Internet radio station. Friedeggs had a daily program on the station, and he was the cofounder of one of The Bomber’s not-for-profits.
Now, Bradshaw wanted some certified documents related to that not-for-profit. Since I was going to be near the state offices involved, I agreed to pick them up. My first stop was at the Department of Assessment and Taxation.
CLERK 1: OK, here’s the certified copies of the initial corporate filing. The charge is a dollar a page and twenty for the certification.
JOHNNY: Do you take plastic?
CLERK 1: I wish we did. No. Fax transactions must use a credit card, but over-the-counter transactions have to be for cash. Or I can take a check or money order.
JOHNNY: No problem. Here are a couple of twenties.
CLERK 1: Let me get your change.
SOUND: Cash drawer opened.
CLERK 1: Here you go.
SOUND: Cash drawer closed.
ANNOUNCER: Cold weather’s coming. The Team Lickspittle Blanket Wrap is the multi-tasker’s dream come true and a must have for all homes. Whether it’s watching TV while munching on snacks or chatting on the phone while surfing the web, do it all in the warmth and coziness of this thermo plush blanket. The Team Lickspittle Blanket Wrap has sleeves and pockets for you to conveniently stash your phone, remote, or hands. It’s just one example of the Team Lickspittle, Johnny Atsign, The Grand Hog, Collateral Estoppel, Res Judicata, and Murum Aries Attigit goodies available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, spend some money, and support Team Lickspittle. And remember, folks, you can also support Team Lickspittle by hitting the Tip Jar.
JOHNNY: My next stop was at the Maryland Secretary of State’s Charities Division.
CLERK 2: I’m sorry, Mr. Atsign, but I can’t give you a copy of a registration certificate. That not-for-profit isn’t registered with the State as a charity.
JOHNNY: But I thought charities that raised more that 25k were supposed to register.
CLERK 2: They are. Perhaps this one is affiliated with another, and the fund raising is done through that entity.
JOHNNY: Could be. This one’s a 501(c)(4), and it is connected to a 501(c)(3). Here’s the name, address, and EIN for that one. Have you got a registration for it?
SOUND: Typing on keyboard.
CLERK 2: Uh … no. We don’t. Are you sure these are active charities raising money?
JOHNNY: Well, calling them charities is a matter of opinion, but according to their IRS Form 990s, they’ve raised over two million bucks.
CLERK 2: I see. Could you hand those papers back to me for a couple of minutes? I need to make some copies.
JOHNNY: Here. Take the whole file.
JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @LtBradshaw I didn’t get everthing you wanted, but I found what you need.
ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.
JOHNNY: Next time? Another old friend turns up. Join us, won’t you?
Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Swell theme and under
ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.
Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.