The Last 30 Hours or So

The Zombies have a name for it: monkey dancing. We’ve seen a lot of it here at Hogewash! since Monday evening, and in the process we’ve seen that—

• Once again, the Cabin Boy™ can’t keep his lies straight.

• When the Cabin Boy™ wants to reach more than 10 or 20 people, he will try commenting on someone else’s blog as a way to reach hundreds or (in the case of Hogewash!) thousands of pairs of eyes.

• He’s still getting his legal advice from Acme instead of paying a real lawyer.

The Parvocampus nonsense is more grandiose than the faked forged letter scheme from last January. As such, it is also a more spectacular failure. As one of the Gentle Readers pointed out in a comment, if I’m really the person behind the Parvocampus hoax, then I’ve been modestly successful in driving traffic to my blog. If the Cabin Boy™ is the one behind the scam, then he has failed miserably in getting Lickspittles to turn away from the Team.

As long as he doesn’t engage in threats or smut and as long as he refrains from defaming any third party, the Cabin Boy™ will be allowed temporary access to the comment section. If the Gentle Reader wonders why, the reason is simple—

The easiest way to discredit Bill Schmalfeldt is to quote Bill Schmalfeldt.

—Stacy McCain

UPDATE—There seems to be a running theme throughout Team Kimberlin’s (and especially the Cabin Boy’s™) writing about this blog and me that I am doing this for the money. If so, I’d be a fool. This blog turns a profit, and that means that it pays for itself and that I have to pay taxes on a bit of income. However, that profit is trivial compared to my earnings as an engineer. Perhaps this will help the Cabin Boy™ calibrate the magnitude of the difference: GS-15, Step 10 would be a pay cut. I’m not into blogging for the bucks.

UPDATE 2—It is blog policy around here that families are generally off limits. I have received a complaint about references to a commenter’s wife. I did a word search for her name in the comments and found that he was the only one who had mentioned her in the past month. Indeed, there were fewer than two dozen mentions of her since the middle of June, and none were disrespectful. Now, it is true that I have had to trash or redact two or three comments in the past week, but, in general, the Insightful Commenters have been tolerably well mannered, and I thank them for that.

107 thoughts on “The Last 30 Hours or So

  1. When you read the sum of his comments, you leave the day significantly dumber for the experience. Fortunately this is temporary, unfortunately the author believes that he somehow comes across as a witty and clever individual sparring with the many persons here as some form of equal (or even more delusional, he as their superior). He is not and does not add to the discussions at hand and his choice of active comrades shows a level of desperation for acceptance even with those of questionable character and reputation.

    Sad to say, he has nothing left in this world but his anger and spite. He needs a better hobby and better friends. When he attempts to demean participants here as lick-spittle’s, it shows his anger at the graceful host having people who come here to read in amazement at the actions of a sad group of speed-humps on society. That he cannot belong due entirely to his actions and acts is beyond his concepts of what he believes to be the rules of modern society. Unfortunately, being an obnoxious, litigious, abusive idiot are not the features respected here. He needs to have someone who is not within his current circle assess him, and give him the news without being mollycoddled in regards to who he is, who his “friends” are and how they are not good for him.

    He will not do this, because he already believes in his own self portrait to be without flaws. He needs to have the courage to face his demons rather than blame others. He could be a better person but he does nothing to address this and so will remain where he is. Life is hard enough, there is no need to actively make it harder when the gains are non-existent and the losses are the most likely outcomes. Change can be hard, but where you are and what your current future is bringing will be harder.

    • Give the devil his due. On occaision he has come up with a turn of phrase that led to a pretty good chuckle. Not memorable enough to recall off the top of my head but still, when he slides into over drive in his stream of consciousness vitriol he can string together a half sentence of humor.

      Of course it could just be the “million monkeys typing” effect.

  2. 1. He’s always angry.
    2. He’s always looking for something to offend him.
    3. That sum of money would barely buy him a pot to pee in and a window to throw it out of.
    4. We are in the outrage/threat phase of the Schmycle.

        • But it’ not over until I say it’s over.Bil,l

          It will be over when every swinging dick in here who ever wrote a derogatory word about the best woman in the world, the woman I watched die last June, apologizes for the effrontery. Once Krendler, Earl, Hoge, Doggy Style and the rest of you who thought it was SO FuCKING FUNNY that my wife was dead, accusing me of killing her or denying her treatment, posting filthy stories on the net, once you all apologize for that, there can be peace.

          I can make peace with each blog owner, here, the new Krendler, BillySez and the Special Educated Banjo boy if you apologize in toto and assure me my wife is no longer a subject for discussion on your blogs.Say whatever you like about me, if it’s truthful and you can prove the truth of it.If you can’t prove the truth of it, don’t write it. As moderators of your blogs, you have the ultimate control. I’ve seen you all use it. Use it again. No more about Gail.

          Do that, I go away. I will watch in the shadows until I have satisfied myself that the conditions are being met. And on a day to be determined, I will vanish.

          Are you big grown up boys and girls capable of acting like humans instead of sneering hyenas? If you are, you will never see or hear from me again unless you continue fastening yourselves like Moray Eels to my time line. i reserve the right to correct lies told about me.

          But no more about Gail. Are we cool with that?

          Perhaps if Mr. Hoge could post a notice in his own words saying what he will and will not accept in his blog henceforth, that will be all I need. I also need that from the Latrter Day Krendler. BillySez and Ukulele Dave.

          Let’s stop this shit. OK?

          Thank you..

          • Kudos Bill! A post without mentioning feces and your wife (may she rest in peace) in the same sentence.

          • You pathetic worm. You’ve never called the shots. Go stuck your head in the oven.

          • By the way, I hope everyone has taken note of the increased number and level of typing errors in many of I-94 Radio’s comments on this post.

            I’d say he’s reached Condition Red.

            Johnnie Walker Red.

        • I submit, Interesting times are ahead in the Political Arena. There’s plenty to blog about that has nothing to do with me or Gail. How about we take your attacl blogs,. like I did with Dirty Schnitzel. and turn them into blogs that folks who have no idea who I am or who Hoge is or what Krendler is migjt find interesting and informtional? We can all do that. I’ve already started. If a DUMBFUCK like me can do it, so can you?

        • What is so pathetic is that you could have ended this years ago by just refusing to comment. Your obsession with responding to every single thing said about you has fueled this. You will NEVER “correct the record.” This is the Internet, Bill. Its forever. Your entire overshared history is now public knowledge- FOREVER. All of the trash talk, all of the LULZ mocking you- they are FOREVER. The more you engage, the more of a record you build that you are an angry, obsessed loser whose hilarious attempts at retribution and revenge only result in an even greater number of people knowing who you are, what you are about, and mocking you. There is no victory in store for you. YOU HAVE LOST. All you are doing now is running up the score FOR THE OTHER TEAM. Just stop. Just quit using Gail as a (formerly) human shield. The ENTIRE INTERNET knows you are an epic schmuck. That cannot change. Just turn off your Internet and walk away. Forever. That is your only shot at anything resembling peace. This constant impotent chest-thumping just provides more material for people to mock you.

          I say this knowing you are constitutionally incapable of doing this. But I wanted to be sure that there was a record, somewhere, of somebody telling you what you only option is. Since you won’t take it, I look forward to the endless LULZ your feeble attempt to “defend yourself” will generate. Choose to prove me wrong.

        • “How about we take your attacl blogs,. like I did with Dirty Schnitzel. and turn them into blogs that folks who have no idea who I am or who Hoge is or what Krendler is migjt find interesting and informtional? We can all do that. I’ve already started. If a DUMBFUCK like me can do it, so can you?”

          You ASSume that we aren’t already participating in such endeavors. No, I will not change Billy Sez into something different. It stays the way it always has been. And may I remind you, your wife is, and always has been, off limits there. There is SO MUCH to mock about you without even bringing her into things. You are the one who insists this is all about her, when it is ALL ABOUT YOU.

          Have a nice life.

    • Why not spend it on a nice vacation? Somewhere away from the Internet. Relax, decompress.

      Read a good book, listen to some good music, watch some old favorite movies. Play solitaire. Meditate.

  3. “As long as he doesn’t engage in threats or smut and as long as he refrains from defaming any third party, the Cabin Boy™ will be allowed temporary access to the comment section”

    That’s going to be extremely temporary given his impulse control.

  4. it goes something like this, right?

    1. he decides he will publish all of PK’s words, thinking that PK will be upset, and the the lickspittles won’t laugh that he’s further publicizing the mockery aimed at him.
    2. he copyright’s PK’s words, thinking that the only way PK can contest the copyright is by revealing his true identity.
    3. PK and the zombies laugh.
    4. he then claims it wasn’t him, and that he is not Parvocampus, even though he is the only person with motivation to do this and has explicitly threatened to do this thing.
    5. ???
    6. profit!

    • Let’s also remember that Blob loves the story it promotes as it exposes a grand truth that makes him a victim and his detractors all dupes. Let’s not forget that news of this literary masterpiece’s existence was broken by Blob himself and promoted by his 80 or so tweets on the subject yesterday. And that HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!! made him do it.

      He’s tricksy, that one.

    • Thank you for the kind invitation, Mr. Hoge. But as long as you are going to allow filth like the Latter Day Krendler and Howard Earl to slime my wife’s memory, I would just as soon not associate myself with any of you. You, most of all. The way you pranked these poor, malformed idiots… and for what? A little bit of money. I guess I just don’t get it.

      • I’ve posted peace terms further up in the thread. They are easy terms. I ask nothing but to leave my wife out of your filthy comments. And an apology from each blog owner for allowing their readers to add to the filth.

        When such apologies are tendered to me at lordofsatire at gmail dot com. I will respond with a sincere (I mean it) apology for my part in all of this.

        Now, can we do this? OR is it war forever?

        • Hey Creep!

          Peace with the likes of you!?!

          Why in the hell would any sane rational person want peace with you?!?

          It is YOU who should offer up apologies first!! Unmitigated and contrite apologies!! Apologies that are unconditional!!

          Then disappear!!!


        • Bill, you act like you are innocent and that all these people are mean to you for no reason whatsoever. That couldn’t be further from the truth. You have brought this on yourself by your awful online behavior. You have been engaging in some type of serious internet combat for almost an entire decade. Your past shows you having these exact same fights with several different groups of people throughout the last ten years in roughly 2-3 year cycles. The sum total of your life during those years is: Stage 24eleventy Parkinson’s, producing online content that nobody reads/listens and a constant stream of internet flame wars. So don’t tell us all you want is some meaningless apology, then you will finally go away. You will never go away on your own. You wouldn’t know what to do without harassing, mocking and threatening your ever growing list of victims.

          Frankly, the comments regarding your late wife pale in comparison with your actions the final few months of her life. All human beings deserve a minimum level of respect, privacy, grace and dignity during the final days of life. Your behavior during that time was deplorable to say the very least. There is a reason a majority of your family chooses not to have a relationship with you. There is a reason you don’t have many friends. And there is a reason your wife was involved in this flame war the past several months. That reason is YOU!! You attempted to use her illness and death as cannon fodder one day and as a human shield the next. What decent person uses his dying wife as online content against his enemies? You spent much more time online and podcasting than with your wife during her hospital visits.

          If these blogs and comments make you angry………stop reading them!!! Nobody is sending these posts and comments to you, you are seeking them out. You are going online actively looking for the offensive things said regarding your wife. There is absolutely nothing you can do to stop people from speaking and writing about you and by extension your wife. So just let it go and move on with your life. This can’t be the life you wanted as a younger man. Who wants to grow up and be an insufferable asshole with poor impulse control. You’ve lived that life for over 10 years, so why not try something different? How about getting involved in some social activities within your housing complex and make a few friends(IRL). Go hang out with the guys, have a poker night, go see a Packers game, it could even be closet time. I’m praying for you.

        • What evilwillie said! Best line:
          “And there is a reason your wife was involved in this flame war the past several months. That reason is YOU!! You attempted to use her illness and death as cannon fodder one day and as a human shield the next.”

          The truth is this: very, very few people have actually said unkind things about the late Mrs. S. MOST people, including most of those BS just named, have said nothing, zip, nada. A few people have mocked him over his poor behavior regarding her illness and death. That is the truth.

          Unfortunately, the truth for BS won’t justify his continued trolling and harassing, his favorite hobbies. So, he has to : concoct scenarios; ascribe collective guilt for the actions of a few; demand censorship; declare letters that he wrote to be forgeries; claim that there’s a “new” Krendler to cover up his multiple fail-doxxes; plagiarize he works of others; continue to harass Hoge and try to frame him because Hoge has bested him, repeatedly.

          BS wants “apologies” from people who did nothing wrong in order to use said apologies as clubs against them. Apologies mean nothing to him, and his word is worthless. See, e.g., his many promises to leave Hoge alone, to stop stealing his original content, and his empty mea culpas to a family in Dallas.

        • DUMBFUCK has said, and more than once, that he never throws the first punch, but if you throw shit in his yard, he’ll take a crap on your dinner table. Or he’ll return triple to you what you send at him.


          Last year, when I sprang fully formed as from the head of Athena into this world, I was, and remain, the Bill Schmalfeldt to Bill Schmalfeldt. He returns triple what he gets.

          Okay. And if some of that gets on Lauren Stranahan, well, them’s the breaks. Connie Hoge? Them’s the breaks. MaryFrances Causey gets photoshopped onto a giant penis? Them’s the breaks. Scott Hinckley’s wife gets a disgusting photograph in an email? Them’s the breaks. Post a Facebook photo of someone’s children? Them’s the breaks.

          Bill gives triple what he gets.

          I give back triple what he gives.

          And if some of that gets on someone he cares about?

          Them’s the breaks.

          In war, once you drop a conventional bomb, you don’t have pinpoint control over where it lands or who it hurts.

          You can only control whether you drop it at all.

          War ends when BOTH SIDES decide they would rather stop fighting. Almost always, one side makes that decision before the other. The side that decides to stop fighting first is called “the LOSER.” And they are faced with figuring what they must (key words to follow) GIVE UP to motivate the “WINNER” to also stop fighting.

          You want to stop fighting, DUMBFUCK? Read some history. Figure out what the LOSERS throughout history have done, and emulate them.

          Murum aries attigit.

      • What is good in life?

        “Thank you for the kind invitation, Mr. Hoge. But as long as you are going to allow filth like the Latter Day Krendler and Howard Earl to slime my wife’s memory, I would just as soon not associate myself with any of you.”

        William then makes nearly a dozen subsequent comments, and interacts with several of those that he deems the worst offenders, including Krendler.

        When people on the street stop me and ask why I love Bill Schmalfeldt so much, I point to things like that.

        Drunk, crazy and stupid is usually a tragedy, but not always.

  5. I dont think anyone has had his butt handed to him so many times – in the last decade soo many people had him at XMfan and at PoliticalForum that he had to leave he lashed out, exaggerated his military service, his jobs, his access to Law enforcement – threatened to sue people to REPORT them to his friends at the Justice department.

    All the time blogging almost all day long, and lying about having permission to do that

    The Hatch act lawyers have called me and they are looking into it, but the law is unclear what they can do once someone leaves federal service.

  6. I note that BS was the first one to mention his wife in this comment thread. And none of the following comments were at all disrespectful.

    BS’s claims that his wife has been defamed here at Hogewash are like TDPK’s legal claims of defamation, butthurt, etc.: not a single actual instance is cited; they both just hope that if they shriek something loud enough long enough it will miraculously become true.

  7. When confronted that The Mystery Book uses two photos of his for cover illustrations, Dumbshit declared that 1) their use was unauthorized and 2) he had no interest in protecting his interests against that unauthorized use. Further, he strongly implied that he had no interest in protecting his interests against similar unauthorized use.

    So wouldn’t that make those photos (and, by extension, his other web-published photos) public domain? It’s my understanding (as a non-lawyer) that one must protect one’s copyright and trademark rights, or they are forfeit.

    Remember, I’m not a lawyer, but neither is Dumbshit…

    • The book cover images puzzle me…in fact, this whole book concept puzzles me. On one hand, someone, supposedly a lickspittle turncoat named Parvocampus, pens a tell-all revealing what’s really going on behind the scenes here at Hogewash. BS spends an inordinate amount of time and energy reacting by shrugging his shoulders at the use of the images or calmly denying his own participation in writing this book, both responses completely contrary to his usual heated rants or gleeful rejoicing given the opportunity on such occasions. The leopard cannot change its spots and BS cannot help tipping his hand.

    • As I recall, Bill’s “apologies” are usually filled with caveats that shift the blame onto the victim and usually end up with regrets that the victim found offense in what “clearly” was just humor.

      So, yeah; trying indeed.

    • I particularly enjoyed the apology at that bastion of RWNJ Intolerance, TheDailyKos:

      “I’m sorry you are all too stupid to understand my brilliant anal rape satires. Please stop reading my diaries. OW! Stopping hitting me with that ban-hammer! OW-OW-OW-OW-OW!!!”

    • Nobody is expecting you to apologize, nor really demanding it. Our suggestion for an end to all this is simple. JUST GO AWAY!!!!

  8. He violated the hatch act hundreds of times
    He lied to people on XMfan who threatened to report it saying he had extra super secret permission to do so
    He threatened to sue them
    He graphically described the sex acts of his own daughter
    He while his nephew was possibly in military service said his nephew was giving oral sex to men
    He graphically described how he would rape a kid for calling him a blue pill popping old man
    He insinuated that he was a “federal official” with some kind of arrest authority
    He threatened to ruin people by filing false charges with “his friends at Justice” – that is a crime BTW
    He made a fake amazon account and wrote a review in my name
    He has blatantly used my name in a fake review where he talks about digging up a dead baby and assaulting the father with it, in front of the screaming mother in the most gruesome of fashions
    He most likely filed false papers with the federal courts
    It can be shown that he lied in a court filing under perjury in both State and Federal Court that he never created child porn
    He filed knowingly false charges against Lee Stranahan, John, Me, and a host of others
    He claimed that he was going to own all our property
    He made sexual comments about an underage girl sitting on her uncles lap which is waiting for a complaint by the Racine Police Department.
    Sure all he wants is to be left alone……

    • He made false claims of abuse of Library Griffon’s daughter
      He threatened to send people to rape Lee’s wife
      He made sex tapes of boy scouts soliciting the rape of children by his sick friends who would be aroused by the content
      He made a sex tape trying to sell underage girls and someone’s wife into sex acts
      He falsely accused Lee’s wife of prostitution
      He threatened and abused women on DailyKos
      He took the pictures of a wonderful child in Alaska and made totally inappropriate comments
      He harassed and put a picture of a skull over a copyrighted picture of a unrelated family in Arizona and then harassed both parents getting not one but two restraining orders
      He falsely accused me of leaving false reviews of his so called “:books”
      He harassed and had unwanted contact with wife of a commentator gaining him yet another restraining order
      He was fired from the examiner, and probably every other online periodical for his twisted degenerate behavior outside of this forum community
      He admitted to using illegal drugs with his stepson
      He wrote that he colluded with his superior at the NIH to illegally try to get a full disability pension by falsifying his performance evaluations……
      He deleted thousands upon thousands of pages of evidence to avoid prosecution and or civil suits

      what could go wrong with making peace with someone who never has been at peace with himself?

    • Crazy people, it turns out, do weird shit. Add alcohol and it becomes spectacular shit!

      For the last four Halloweens, I’ve dressed up as Bill Schmalfeldt and when the trick-or-treaters come to my door, I put a piece of unwrapped chocolate in their bags that I tell them is my poop, and when they start to cry, I tell them that if they don’t shut up, I’ll take away their houses and their mommies.

      But I have yet to get a restraining order because I don’t go to their houses and do it.

      This year, I’m adding an empty bottle of Johnnie Walker Red to the costume!

      • Perhaps, for the sake of accuracy, the bottle will only be half empty. Then I can howl at the children about how my sister had “one drink” and to stop thinking that I’m a blackout drunk, or I’ll sue them all.

        It’s the little details that make this season so special for everyone!

  9. I have nothing to apologize to that slime bucket for. I have not defamed his wife, nor did I harass her, email her, call her, contact her, follow her on Facebook, cause her embarrassment in front of her co-workers, cause her fear for her safety, or threaten to destroy her livelihood. I did not call her fat, ugly, or stupid. I have never impugned her faithfulness or morality. I have never denigrated her job or career choices. He, on the other hand, has done most of those to my wife.

    He can go play Russian Roulette with a semi-automatic pistol, as far as I am concerned.

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