BlognetTitleCardMUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A cyberstalker has been served with a temporary harassment prevention order, and a final hearing is pending. Your job … get the facts.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.

FRIDAY: It was Monday, September 28th. It was cloudy and threatening rain in Westminster. We were working the day watch out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The Boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 9:12 am when I entered Room S-140. The Forensics Lab.

SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across room.

LAB GUY: Good morning, Joe.

FRIDAY: Hi, Don. Whatcha got for us?

LAB GUY: We’ve been through all of those emails. There don’t seem to be any spoofed headers. It’s our opinion that they’re genuine.

FRIDAY: OK. That helps make the case. What …

SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across room.

SMITH: Sorry. I got delayed at the courthouse. It took them a while to find the files.

FRIDAY: We’re just getting started. Don says the emails appear to be real.


SMITH: Anything else?

LAB GUY: Uh, huh. We went through all the metadata on the images. The time stamp on the picture he’s most spun up about is consistent with when he says it was taken. Oh, and we now have the serial number of his cell phone.

FRIDAY: Good. That’ll let us verify some other things.

LAB GUY: He used the same Mac to work with all of the images that we’ve reviewed so far. I can’t say anything about the new ones we just got.

SMITH: What about the email timestamps?

LAB GUY: You were right about them. It’s clear that he sent the same image to the people here in Westminster before he sent it to anyone in Massachusetts.

SMITH: So we can prove he’s lying about that as well. Lying is recurring theme with this guy.

FRIDAY: Yeah. With everything else that he’s scrambled, he has to be consistent with something.

MUSIC: Stinger and under.

FRIDAY: Liz and I thanked Don for his work and headed back to our office to put finish writing up our report.

2:49 pm.

SMITH: I spoke with our guy in Massachusetts. He says he’s got 70 pages of exhibits relating to contacts from The Grouch now that he’s added the evidence we found.

FRIDAY: The judge isn’t going to wade through all that.

SMITH: He knows that. It’s just for reference in case the judge has a specific question. He says that he’s going to try to keep things simple and lay out the basic elements.

FRIDAY: Uh, huh. Knowing The Grouch’s M.O., he’ll try to bring up all sorts of extraneous stuff to try to justify his behavior.

SMITH: If he shows up.

FRIDAY: Yeah. One of his consistent behaviors is failure to appear. Say, wasn’t this guy on some game show years ago?

SMITH: “The Price is Right.” There’s a clip of it on YouTube.

FRIDAY: Well, given his talent, he picked the wrong program.

SMITH: How’s that?

FRIDAY: He should have done “The Gong Show.”

MUSIC: Up and under.

NARRATOR: On September 30th, a hearing was held in the District Court for Ayer, Massachusetts. In a moment, the result of that hearing.

MUSIC: Stinger.

ANNOUNCER: Mmmm, coffee. Are you a proud member of Team Lickspittle and a fan of Blognet? Why not sip your coffee from a Hogewash! Murum Aries Attigit Coffee Mug? Murum Aries AttigitRes Judicata, Team Lickspittle, The Grand Hog, Collateral Estoppel, and Johnny Atsign merchandise is available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today, spend some money, and show your support for Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.

NARRATOR: On September 30th, a hearing was held in the District Court for Ayer, Massachusetts, to determine whether a final harassment protection order should be issued. Based on the evidence presented the order was issued against The Grouch. Out-of-state restraining orders may be registered with a Sheriff in Wisconsin for enforcement in that state.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in on Monday evenings at 6 pm Eastern Time for the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous Internet investigator—Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

28 thoughts on “Blognet

  1. “Oh, and we now have the serial number of his cell phone.”

    Gee this opens up a whole lot of interesting cans. All full of worms. Or snakes. Are they common-variety garden snakes? Venemous snakes duly killed and pinned to pieces of paper with labels? Or spitting hissing venemous snakes?

    And who would they sting?

    Countdown on Bill upgrading his cell phone commences…NOW.

  2. He is now accusing EPWJ of suggesting that Krendler=Lynn Thomas on Sept. 29. BS claims that he had never even mentioned Lynn Thomas, so EPWJ mentioning her is a CLUE!. Really, how about THE DAY BEFORE? This is like BS saying that he fell reaching over to pet the dogs, yet later that day, he told the cops he fell over in shock at receiving horse manure in the mail. He just makes crap up, all day long.

      • Didn’t see anything suggesting the day before. IIRC, it was 22 minutes before. Next day the Zombie mentioned he had it, and the Grouch complained to the Maryland cops that this proved a certain MD resident had leaked it to the Zombie.

        Man, it’d just be nuts if this weren’t a work of fiction, right?

        • I have a comment in moderation, Dr. Mike. BS is claiming that he hasn’t mentioned Lynn Thomas in over a year, so that when EPWJ said that BS was harassing Lynn Thomas, it must have been some sort of a slip. Except, of course, that BS mentioned Lynn Thomas that same day – Sept. 29, in a tweet.

          • KM –

            Nevermind, I assumed you were Team Evil posting under an “assumed name” not a member of Team Free Speach mocking a certain Kirk wannabe. And I’m guessing your comment in moderation is what is messing up the “reply” function.

          • Wow, followed your link KM –

            That Bill. A class act all the way. And almost as dumb as the Grouch, but no real person could be that stupid, right?

        • GM – who knows. I actually listened to his podcast today, and he came close to some interesting things, but was so focused on Lynn Thomas that merrily ran past a few other leads. Heh.

        • Dr. Mike – I adopted this moniker because BS said that he was going to win in court over AgileDog by adopting the Kobayashi Maru maneuver. It turned out well for him, didn’t it?

  3. Guess child porn producers feel the shame, or not……

    Tripling, no quadrupling, down on the child rape fantasies can lead to more derision and laughter and gentle mockery of what once was someone that could have made a difference but chose not to

  4. BS is now claiming that Krendler is Lynn Thomas.
    Patrick Grady, the man BS has been harassing since February 2014, a man BS has sued and sought peace orders against, a man BS accused of being Krendler, was unavailable for comment. If Grady’s lucky, he’ll get one of the patented Schmalfeldt apologies, in which BS tells him he deserved it, his wife is a whore, and he crippled his child. Plus, cooties. But he’s sorry.

    • Well, I now submit that this is excellent evidence that Krendler is NOT (or knot?) Lynn Thomas. Because Bill said that he is she. Yes, I do believe that “Bill says X” is proof that “not X” or “knot X” is true.

      If Bill said the sun would rise in the east, I would fact check him. If he said the sun set in the east I might point out he was holding the compass upside down. I would NOT suggest he have a cub scout check it for him.

  5. See Bill run
    run Bill run

    see Bill blog
    blog Bill Blog

    See Dox fail
    Fail Dox Fail

    See Bill porn
    porn child porn

    see fear Pee
    Pee Fear Pee

  6. Oct 9, 2015 Bill Schmalfeldt No Comments
    Oct 9, 2015 Bill Schmalfeldt No Comments
    Oct 8, 2015 Bill Schmalfeldt No Comments
    Oct 6, 2015 Bill Schmalfeldt No Comments
    Oct 5, 2015 Bill Schmalfeldt No Comments

    Typical ordinary week of no one bothering

    I remember when he was upset over reviews – and tweeted out free books to his friends for review

    The result was the same as the week above

    Wow when you have an author among you and they cannot be bothered even to skim the book?

    That must really hurt sooo bad he would have to write another rape of children fantasy to further destroy his credibility, reputation, and worth to society

  7. Don’t mean to hijack the thread, but what the hell is going on? Just a small temporary issue? OPSEC issues? Can someone put together a private email and tell us what is us?

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