Blognet


BlognetTitleCardMUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A cyberstalker is threatening individuals with a copyright lawsuit. Your job … get the facts.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.

FRIDAY: It was Tuesday, September 1st. It was a pleasant late summer day in Maryland. We were working the day watch out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The Boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 7:24 am when I entered Room S-121. Internet Detail.

SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across room.

SMITH: ‘Morning, Joe.

FRIDAY: Hi, Liz. Is there any coffee yet?

SMITH: I put a fresh pot on. I should be about ready.

FRIDAY: Good. Can I get you a cup too?

SMITH: Please.

SOUND: Cups being filled.

FRIDAY: Anything in the overnight log?

SMITH: No. It’s been quiet.

SOUND: Chair pulled out.

FRIDAY: Here.

SMITH: Thanks.

FRIDAY: Well, maybe will get a day to get caught up. We need to …

SOUND: Phone rings once. Receiver picked up.

FRIDAY: Internet Detail, Friday speaking … Yes … Yes, we handle that … Uh, huh. Is that with a See and a Kay? … OK, got it … No … Oh, yes, we’re very familiar with him … Did you receive it? … What did your wife do then? … Yes, that was the right thing to do … Yes … I see. Who else have you contacted beside your local Sheriff’s Office? … Uh, huh … No, that should be sufficient … Yes, we can. How soon could you forward that? … We can get started as soon as we receive a copy … Yes, sir … No, no problem. That’s what we’re here for … Is there anything else? … We can’t give advice on that. You should check with someone with you in Massachusetts … OK, we can check on that … Yes, forward anything else … Yes, sir, good bye.

SMITH: Someone we’re familiar with?

FRIDAY: The Grouch.

SMITH: Not again!

FRIDAY: Yeah. He’s he sent a picture to this guy’s wife in an unsolicited email. A portion of the picture got published on a third party’s website, and now The Grouch wants to sue for copyright infringement.

SMITH: Did you say that the email was unsolicited?

FRIDAY: Uh, huh, and it also contained a threat to sue the woman’s business.

SMITH: On what grounds?

FRIDAY: That’s unclear from the phone call, but he’s forwarding all the emails The Grouch has sent.

8:17 am. An email with several attachments arrived. Liz took the lead on reviewing them.

8:32 am.

SMITH: Joe, look at this.

FRIDAY: Whatcha got?

SMITH: The email on the left is one we received this morning. The one on the right is one sent to a Sheriff here in Maryland.

FRIDAY: Same picture.

SMITH: Yes, and if you read the email, they contain similar threats.

FRIDAY: The Grouch was threatening a Sheriff?

SMITH: No. He copied a local blogger on that email and said that if the picture got out, he would come after that blogger.

FRIDAY: Well, you’ve got to hand it to The Grouch. He’s consistent.

SMITH: How do you mean?

FRIDAY: He keeps making the same mistake over and over again.

MUSIC: Stinger and under.

FRIDAY: Liz kept digging into the evidence.

Thursday, September 10th. 11:18 am.

SMITH: Joe, I think I got as much as can be found on this latest Grouch case.

FRIDAY: OK, let’s go over it.

SMITH: OK, he’s claiming that the guy in Massachusetts has to be the source of the alleged leak of his copyrighted picture.

FRIDAY: Uh, huh.

SMITH: First of all, he sent the picture to at least 8 other people, and he sent it to them before he sent it to the woman in Massachusetts. Second, when he sent it to her, he sent it to a shared email account that can be accessed by multiple people.

FRIDAY: That means that he can’t prove the source of the leak.

SMITH: If there was a leak. There’s some evidence that he may have sent to other people as well.

FRIDAY: So you’re saying there’s no way that he can prove who did what.

SMITH: Or that he could have leaked it himself.

FRIDAY: OK.

SMITH: But The Grouch’s real problem is that he sent the email after he was told to stop communicating with the family in Massachusetts.

FRIDAY: Right. This ties in with that flaky lawsuit The Grouch dismissed just before he bailed out of the state, doesn’t it?

SMITH: Yeah. It seems to me that there’s grounds for a harassment prevention order.

FRIDAY: Hmmm. You’re probably right. Get a report organized, and we can send it along. Moving to Wisconsin probably hasn’t helped The Grouch.

SMITH: How’s that?

FRIDAY: In spite of what he thinks, they won’t put up with this kind of cheesy conduct up there.

MUSIC: Up and under.

NARRATOR: On September 15th, a hearing was held in the District Court for Ayer, Massachusetts. In a moment, the result of that hearing.

MUSIC: Stinger.

ANNOUNCER: Autumn is here, and cool weather is just around the corner. Soon it will be time to sit by the fire with a hot drink. Are you a proud member of Team Lickspittle and a fan of Blognet? Why not sip that drink from a Hogewash! Res Judicata coffee mug? Res Judicata, Team Lickspittle, The Grand Hog, Collateral Estoppel, and Johnny Atsign merchandise is available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today, spend some money, and show your support for Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.

NARRATOR: On September 15th, a hearing was held in the District Court for Ayer, Massachusetts. Based on the evidence presented, a temporary harassment prevention order was issued against The Grouch. A hearing on a final order is scheduled for September 30th. Out-of-state restraining orders may be registered with a Sheriff in Wisconsin for enforcement in that state.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in on Monday evenings at 6 pm Eastern Time for the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous Internet investigator—Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

10 thoughts on “Blognet

  1. Wow. Sending an unsolicited email with a disturbing photo, after being asked to cease all contact? Someone, like an innocent woman, might interpret that as a threat.

  2. How long will it take to collect peace orders in “all 57 states?”

    You have to admire his persistence, although it does bring his intelligence into question….

  3. Pingback: Blognet Promotes an Interesting Theory | Dave Alexander & Company — Ukuleledave and David Edgren

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