Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Landline phone rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

DEEP VOTE: (Telephone Filter) Good evening, Mr. Atsign.

JOHNNY: Oh, hello again.

DEEP VOTE: (Telephone Filter) I have some more information for you. Meet me at the usual place and time.

SOUND: (Called Party’s POV) Line hung up. Dial tone.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of The Helpful Hints Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @DeepVote Do you ever sleep?

JOHNNY: At 12:15 am, precisely, the next morning, I drove into the designated parking garage, parked on the second level, and took the stairs up to the fourth level. I began walking to the far end.

SOUND: Footsteps with echo.

JOHNNY: As usual, the voice came from behind me.

DEEP VOTE: Good morning, Mr. Atsign.

SOUND: Footsteps stop.

JOHNNY: I turned around, and, as usual, he was standing in the shadows.

DEEP VOTE: I see you been taking some of my advice.

JOHNNY: You mean “follow the money.” Yeah. It’s an interesting trail.

DEEP VOTE: You’ve missed a turn.

JOHNNY: Oh? Where?

DEEP VOTE: Think it through. Transactions can be buried in a blizzard of paperwork. But what if not all of the paperwork is there?

JOHNNY: I see your point. The hole left by a missing document can sometimes be an open window.

DEEP VOTE: You need to find that window and look in.

JOHNNY: I don’t suppose you’re going to give me another clue.

DEEP VOTE: You need to discover some things on your own. If I tell you too much, I risk compromising myself. Go get some sleep, and then review what I’ve told you.

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JOHNNY: Back at my office the next afternoon, I got to work reviewing the financial records of the organizations under investigation. The numbers in various expense categories seemed a bit skewed, but all the required information appeared to be there. All the IRS forms were there.

All the IRS forms. Hold it. When I had been treasurer of a local charity, I had had to fill out state forms as well. Where were the state forms? I couldn’t find them all online. The incorporation papers were there, but I couldn’t find the charity registrations with the Secretary of State.

I was headed down to Annapolis the next day. A stop at the Secretary of State’s office seemed in order.

SOUND: Quiet office background.

CLERK: May I help you?

JOHNNY: Yes. I’m having trouble locating information on these charities. I can’t find any information on your website. He’s the list.

CLERK: That’s odd. If they’re registered, they should be there.

SOUND: Typing on keyboard.

CLERK: No, there’s nothing in the database about this first one.

SOUND: Typing on keyboard.

CLERK: Nothing on the other one either. Are you sure these are Maryland charities?

JOHNNY: They’re based here.

CLERK: OK, but they only have to register if they raise more than $25,000.

JOHNNY: They both have. One has raised millions.

CLERK: They have a grace period for registration. Perhaps they haven’t filed yet.

JOHNNY: They’ve been around over a decade.

CLERK: Hmmmm. Can I keep this list?


CLERK: Would you put your contact information on it? One of our investigators may want to talk with you.

SOUND: Office background out.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @DeepVote Some windows have very interesting views.

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? A room with a view. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

13 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

  1. Egads, it’s almost as though this fictional charity is a front for some fictional criminal activity. What fictional villains you create sir!

  2. Uh oh.

    The fines might be hefty. Why, the state may even want a casa, maybe a green one, to pay the fine. Of course, the lawyer who set up the non profit could be sued for failure to do it properly.

    Good thing this is all fiction.

  3. I’m curious, Hoge –

    Today it’s being reported that Aaron Walker is attempting to sue the state of Maryland to overturn a law that you have used to beat Bill Schmalfeldt over the head with going on over two years now.


    • Aaron poses an interesting question as to whether one state can regulate the Internet activities on a person in another state. Of course, that question would not apply to two people who were residents of the same state.

    • A “charity” organization has questionable legal status, and the Bunny Unread team is all about a challenge to an obscure law that was used to trump up false charges against Aaron Walker and John Hoge – the same “journo’s” who are “on top of the story.”

    • Bill wouldn’t be getting beat like a rented mule of he had just had the intelligence to stop contacting people who demanded he stop. He’s even stupider than you. And that is saying something considering your level of intelligence.

      • Poor, poor Blob, getting beaten over the head when all he was trying to do was some investigamatative journalizin’. Mean old Hoge even kept hitting poor, poor Blob with the coldest of cold shots, the verbatim quote. So unfair…

    • Today it’s being reported…

      Usually, that means one of you dumbasses made it up. Y’all couldn’t actually be making progress, could you?

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