Unintentional Humor in Lawfare

The Cabin Boy™ has filed yet another one of his sterling bits of legal analysis.

I may have more to say after I quit laughing.

UPDATE—Extortion? No, Dave Edgren’s settlement negotiations are not extortion. See Kimberlin v. National Bloggers Club, et al., Case No. 13-CV-03059-GJH (D.Md. 2015) ECF No. 263 at 13, 14.

105 thoughts on “Unintentional Humor in Lawfare

      • I do love the reappearance of the salt vampire. His annoyance over that is like a toddler getting upset over being called some nonsense name — he can’t even explain WHY it upsets him!

      • TDPZ:

        I posit it’s an attempt to bread crumb, and get one-way arrows for the charts.

      • One of sons, at the age of five, was absolutely outraged that I had the temerity to address him as “Buckaroo.”

        I was only slightly less amused to note Bill’s outrage over a completely unmodified salt monster declaring herself not to be named Gail.

        What a dumb dump dope.

  1. I have to think after reading it for the second time that Bill intentionally wrote it to make himself look bad to the court.

  2. Uh, did he just claim that… (something he and his boss do regularly)
    Did he just admit that … (digging the hole with an industrial excavator)

    Wow. I am most certainly not a lawyer, but this filing is not just Mr. Bill shooting himself in the foot, but doing so with a 20mm cannon.

    • Yea. It’s hard to see how you could possibly think this filing was a good idea. It appears to implicate him in several crimes, and contradicts directly several claims he’s previously made in court.

  3. Man, I need to stop by here more often. It’s like reading about a never ending fire burning down an orphanage.

  4. I foresee a change in FRCP where it limits butthurt to a single paragraph. This filing may have done it.

  5. So Bill’s upset, again, that someone stuck to the offer they made him which Bill refused to accept, again.

    Once more, Bill: defending against your attacks is not a crime. It’s not a tort. It’s not immoral.

    • Oh, and I know why Bill was slinging around the word “extortion” — we had pointed out to him that his “gimme it ALL or I doxx/sue/publicize” was extortion. So he needed to accuse the accusers…

  6. “…Plaintiff suffers from minor executive dysfunction, very minor cognitive difficultie, and impulse control problems…”

    As demonstrated so vividly above.

  7. More airtime for my allegation against Cousin Bill, permanently documented in a federal court filing by Cousin Bill, himself, which anyone can quote, without fear of being sued for writing or saying the allegation?

    How sweet.

    Bill, you are truly the dumbass of all dumbasses.

  8. I’d like Bill to explain how having the court ask TJ “How much a month do you contribute towards household expenses?” and “When did you start assisting with the household expenses?” is humiliating. No one has suggested that TJ has done anything wrong, nor has anyone suggested that they want anything to happen to TJ because of this. The defendant(s) simply believe that the court needs to know the truth of the matter since the plaintiff has told several contradictory stories and depending on which story is the true one, IFP status could need revocation, and perhaps even sanctions.

    • TJ should be more concerned about someone asking about:

      1. Is the AR-15 Cousin Bill is pictured with, his?


      2. Your stepfather has indicated that the two of you share a bong of marijuana, occasionally.

      A quick review will highlight the question about “illegal drugs” on the BATFE form 4473, which is required for a transfer of a firearm from an FFL holding gun dealer. So there is two possible felonies, right there, drug user in possession of a firearm (both TJ and Bill), and perjury on a federal form (a possible for TJ, depending on how he came into possession).

      Cousin Bill should stop digging, while he can still see daylight. Someone with a grudge might drop a dime to the BATFE.

      • If he wants to dig holes that badly, I’ll buy him a copy of Minecraft for crying out loud.

      • Not likely – not relevant to the current case, at least, at the moment.

        Now, how much a month is spent on self-medication…..

      • If Bill played Minecraft, he’d be suing Notch for inventing Creepers, claiming the zombies were blasphemies, and the villagers were inflicting emotional distress with their disapproving noises.

      • #5 “threatened to drag the son of Bozo’s recently deceased wife…”
        #6 “Bozo did not want his dead wife’s son pulled into…” & “…dragging an innocent person into litigation.”
        #7 “…dragging his late wife’s son into the instant case …” & “…or I drag your dead wife’s son…”
        “…forcing Bozo’s RECLUSIVE stepson to be humiliated…”

        Maybe all is not in harmony at the Tincasa?

        And what’s with “reclusive?”

        Also I was going to count the number of times he used a derivative of dead (waaaay to many IMO) but I have a life & family that I adore & we’ve got a baseball game to get to.

  9. One also has to wonder how the court will view a plaintiff giving away significant assets during a lawsuit. I would hope they don’t approve of that when it’s obviously being done to either keep IFP status or to have nothing to give the defendants if, as is likely, they file and win counterclaims.

    • I do love his “accurate snapshot of my financial condition at the time” assertion.

      Look, I can’t help it if I won the lottery right after you gave me my rage welfare, can I? Are you going to punish me for being lucky? How about 400 bucks to make it all better?”

      He’s a joy unto this world.

      • And of course there is the minor detail that in that IFP he actually claims more disposable income each month than he did in the previous IFP application which was turned down because he had too much money.

    • If he wants to dispose of the car, plaintiffs should file a motion for the vehicle to be sold and that the sale amount be held as a bond.

    • the court will view a plaintiff giving away significant assets during a lawsuit.

      “My most excellent friend said…”

    • There’s no evidence provided by BS that he has transferred title of the vehicle. It has the ring of quickly thought up escape “I would sell it with all my heart, your honor, but I had just now settled within my self to give away valuable personal property to a needy relative”
      But you know how quickly he is liable to change his mind and course of action when he finds out he can get away with something, or thinks he can.

  10. So BS just acknowledged to the court that his income changed so that he can afford the filing fee and no longer needs IFP status. I’m sure they’ll appreciate how BS took the initiative to inform the court when his financial status changed instead of waiting until someone asked for sanctions and then telling the court, “Technically everything that guy said about me was true.”

    Oh wait.

      • @omegapaladin — I considered that, but A) I don’t think it’s possible to educate him and B) it’s too late for him now. It is in the court records now so BS is pretty much boned now.

        Well, unless the magical unicorn clerk who works late on weekends and holidays solely to help Bill can get their hands on it. Their magic power turns stupid into arrest warrants against Hoge and also grants BS ownership of other people’s wives. So if that happens, all bets are off.

  11. I think you guys are giving Willy way too much credit. This filing is nothing more than a pathetic attempt to get in front of the IFP problem he has by saying, “Uh, I forgot to mention that I now have the money for the filing, so it’s no prob. if you revoke the IFP, ’cause I’m totally cool with that”. The rest is just another play for pity.

  12. The level of stupid here is impressive.

    I’d have thought you’d need a women’s studies degree to get to that level, but I stand corrected.

  13. There is a non-zero chance that a court in Maryland will play along. Hey, maybe some clerk will pitch in the filing fee for him.

    And a better than even chance they just blow it off with no sanction. Remember, in this circuit, precedent is that forging documents to present to the court as evidence is perfectly acceptable. One that has not yet been overturned, I do believe.

    What would be awesome would be BS citing that precedent….

  14. I have told John that I’m very disappointed in him… It is wrong to pass off obvious forgeries as the real thing. There’s no way today’s and yesterday’s documents were really filed by Schmalfeldt. No one is this dumb and…

    *checks pacer*

    Holy crap…

    • Hey, it’s not like he posted true and accurate quotes from Doug, with the dates and locations of the source material listed. Now THAT would be extortion!

      This is merely Bill employing his finely honed skills as a septic tank cleaner, I mean, investigative journamalist.

      • You know I haven’t had much time to keep up with this all, my life is actually really busy , but I have caught comments here and there that have made me roll my eyes. I will clear the air on them. When he did this to this girl above? First off, She wasn’t having sex in front of her children like Bill claimed on twitter a few times. That would be quite a LIBEL statement by him. Bill dreamed up this big giant story of how her and I were having an affair. Shocking right? LOL!!!!!!!!! I am in Northern Wisconsin and she is in New Mexico. I am must have quite the long shlong for that one.. Who knew? Her only crime is that she was on my facebook account on my friends list and she posted a few times laughing at Bwilly Boy. Yeah no shit… Almost as bad as I am going to harassing “I want it all Doug” for liking a Facebook post.

        Not Chris, Not Jeremy, KNOT even close fucktard, you never were

  15. Pingback: “This is Totally NOT My Fault” Says Terrorist Who Killed 9, Injured 20 | Dave Alexander (formerly ukuleledave)

  16. I think I have it figured out. TJ wants Bill out of the trailer. Really who wouldn’t? Can you imagine coming home to stench of dog shit and dirty diapers? Maybe Gail actually left the Tincasa to TJ and he’s finally had enough and told Bill to GTFO. Bill wants to move but can’t afford assisted living and none of his family will touch him with a 10 foot pole. What to do…..Hey, he’s been sucking the public tit since he started taking disability payments for a hurt knee when his job was to sit his fat ass behind a microphone and talk. Talk about taking money out of the pockets of wounded Vietnam vets who REALLY needed it.

    So, he figures he’ll keep filing things until the govt throws him in the looney bin then we’ll all pay his living and medical expenses until he shuffles off this mortal coil.

    • Aaron should write write a blog post about these crazy twitter exchanges. The whole it’s okay to prior restraint Aaron and ignore the Supreme Court but not me hypocrisy shocks me. It would seem after what Roger experienced in his default judgment for defamation, he would see Kimberlin’s lawfare a little differently. If I remember case history correctly didn’t Seth Allen who he mentions have a summary/default judgement entered against him?, BUT, BUT … he likes Brett’s cojones.

      • @AaronWorthing We were the victims of (likely) wrongful foreclosure, had to move, didn’t get notice of hearings, etc. I’ve reported that.

        This Roger dude likes Brett’s balls for being a fighter against evil conservatives and he doesn’t know about liberal Seth Allen’s service of process issues? If this Roger guy had any integrity he would go back and review the Seth Allen case and find all the similarities in his own case he now complains of and issue a mea culpa for glorifying Kimberlin. He has no right to be critical of his default judgement while praising Kimberlin for his default win over Seth using similiar methods. He should be praising the plaintiffs in his defamation case against him for being glorious fighters.

  17. “My financial situation has changed and I can actually pay the 400 dollars.”

    “I thought the horse poo made me fall over, officer, but I just remembered that I posted on the internet that I had fallen over while reaching down to pet my dog.”

    Good thing the lickspittles are here to help him keep his stories straight.

  18. Once again, Cabin Boy is using words he doesn’t understand. “Extortion”? Obviously, but in this filing he misuse ” response” because his pleading is nothing but a concession of the motion to terminate IFP.

  19. Every time he files something and I read it, I think to myself, “self, this document before you is the worst piece of lawfare in Western civilization.” It’s sad that I repeat this each time he pushes out a motion. Each one is worse than the next. Between the “extortion” and tort of blasphemy, I don’t know how he will top it…. but by God, I know he somehow will.

  20. [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trbBvBx4Ptg&w=560&h=315%5D … but isn’t it a BAD idea to admit that you do not need in forma pauperis status after you have been accused of committing a fraud to obtain it in the first place? I mean if I were facing potentially a show cause hearing or other sanctions, I don’t think I would respond with an equivalent of “yes it is true what is alleged, but …” which is how his response reads, even though it doesn’t say as much.

    • My guess is he’s terrified of what TJ knows, and would rather pay the $400 (like that’s all it would cost him 🙂 ) than give his adversaries a shot at getting a first-person narrative of his years of vindictive, mendacious madness. The fear pee must be flowing like the Hwang He!!!

  21. he’s revealed the need for a ratings service for those who present themselves pro se. Though I imagine members of the team would sue such a service. Not that they’d win. And that would further reduce their rating.

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