Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Landline phone rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

DEEP VOTE: (Telephone Filter) Good evening, Mr. Atsign.


DEEP VOTE: (Telephone Filter) I have some more information for you. Meet me at the usual place and time.

SOUND: (Called Party’s POV) Line hung up. Dial tone.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of The Helpful Hint Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @DeepVote Aren’t you being a bit overdramatic.

JOHNNY: At 12:15 am, precisely, the next morning, I drove into the designated parking garage, parked on the second level, and took the stairs up to the fourth level. I began walking to the far end.

SOUND: Footsteps with echo.

JOHNNY: The voice came from behind me.

DEEP VOTE: Good morning, Mr. Atsign.

SOUND: Footsteps stop.

JOHNNY: I turned around, and, as usual, he was standing in the shadows.

DEEP VOTE: I’m pleased that you’re on time. I can’t stay long.

JOHNNY: OK. What do you have for me?

DEEP VOTE: Advice.

JOHNNY: Advice?

DEEP VOTE: Yes. Do you remember Hal Holbrook’s big line in All The President’s Men?

JOHNNY: “Follow the money.”

DEEP VOTE: Yes. Follow the money.

JOHNNY: That’s usually good advice, but why did you drag me out here to tell me that?

DEEP VOTE: I believe that you have one or more clients who are being sued by The Bomber.

JOHNNY: Go on.

DEEP VOTE: If you follow the money, you will find something that may be very helpful for them.

JOHNNY: In what way?

DEEP VOTE: You need to discover somethings on your own. If I tell you too much, I risk compromising myself.

JOHNNY: Any particular money trail?

DEEP VOTE: You need to find out that for yourself. Go get some sleep, and then review what I’ve told you.

ANNOUNCER: Are you a loyal supporter of Team Lickspittle? If you are, you should be showing you support by wearing a Team hat or t-shirt. They’re just some of the useful trinkets with the Team Lickspittle, Res Judicata, Johnny Atsign, and The Grand Hog logos you’ll find at The Hogewash Store. Why not go by today and spend a bit of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle? All those goodies are available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.

JOHNNY: It was well past 1 am by the time I got back to my place. I figured that I could sleep in just a bit. I set the alarm for 7:30.

SOUND: Alarm beeping, followed by NPR’s Morning Edition through a small speaker.

JOHNNY: (Groggy) Ugh.

SOUND: Clock radio pounded. Morning Edition quits abruptly.

JOHNNY: I stumbled through my morning routine and, after several cups of coffee, made it into my office. I began to puzzle though the lead I had been given earlier.

Follow the money. Which money?

I had already come across The Bomber’s use of corporate funds from one of his “charities” to finance, at least partially, one of his lawsuits. But that had been pretty completely run to ground.

Still, the trail pointed to those not-for-profits. So I began to dig around there. I began going through the websites for the various campaigns the not-for-profits were conducting. Some of them were quite old. The websites were stale and hadn’t been updated for months or even years. There were several common themes related to The Bomber’s politics, but there didn’t seem …

… and then it hit me. There was one common thread running through almost every post on almost every site.

JOHNNY TWEETS: @DeepVote Sometimes it isn’t good to rely on the generosity of strangers.

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? Caching checks. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

25 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

  1. I’m never sure what music is Johnny ‘s theme song. Today it’s the Peter Gunn theme. Last week it was “Name That Disease” from Firesign Theatre.


  2. For some odd reason the only song coming to mind is Don Henley’s Dirty LAUNDRY. Maybe because Don donated all the PROCEEDS to the DRUG rehab center that got him clean & sober. I always thought his album SALES would have been through the roof if he stayed with the Eagles.

    • Why, evilwillie00, whatever do you mean?

      Apropos nothing, I wrote an article on my blog, complaining that drug prohibition relegates the trade to the control of violent, cheating, lying criminal conmen. Can anyone think of a weaselly conman fitting that description? Maybe even one who is also a pedophile? Or one who has filed literally over a hundred almost entirely frivolous lawsuits?

    • Apparently the parents of the Team Kimberlin folks didn’t. Bunny Boy doesn’t work, lives in mamma’s basement, and still mooches off mamma and daddy, Pedo Kimby still mooches off his mom and lives in her basement, Wee Willie Fergie does the bare minimum to get by, and Bill is now spending Gail’s money on smartphones and small coffee pots. Not a lick of ambition to be seen.

      • That’s totally unfair, Army Vet. Matthew Osborne works nearly full time on a variety of projects:

        – Promoting his boss, Brett Kimberlin’s terrible websites
        – Repeating Brett Kimberlin’s deliberate, transparent lies, even though Matt Osborne knows them to be false
        – Assisting in smear campaigns against people who write true negative things about Brett Kimberlin’s crimes, pedophilia, lawfare, etc.
        – Tolerating having to work together with Brett Kimberlin’s other toadies (probably the hardest part of it all)
        – Believing ridiculous lies that he is “privileged” to have whispered to him by fugitive criminal harasser-for-hire and pathetic deviant conman Neal Rauhauser
        – He also contributes valuable thoughts and insights to fair and lively political debate about public figures in the US. You can guess just how “valuable,” “insightful,” “fair,” and “lively” this is by inferring things about Matt Osborne from his work for Brett Kimberlin.

      • I almost left out the part where he cheerleads the disgusting pornographic harassment campaigns and threats made by serial harasser, rapist, and declared vexatious litigant Thomas C. Retzlaff. You see, Matt Osborne has so many irons in the fire, one can easily forget exactly how many disgusting, sexually deviant, criminal harassers he goes to bat for.

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