I’m Not Making This Up, You Know

The Cabin Boy™ is saying that he’s gone to a District Court Commissioner and filed charges against me for violating a whole bunch of laws. The first on the list is Md. Crim. L. § 8-601 Counterfeiting Private Instruments and Document. It seems that he thinks the letter I received is covered. Let’s take a look at the text of the law.


(a) A person, with intent to defraud another, may not counterfeit, cause to be counterfeited, or willingly aid or assist in counterfeiting any:

(1) bond;
(2) check;
(3) deed;
(4) draft;
(5) endorsement or assignment of a bond, draft, check, or promissory note;
(6) entry in an account book or ledger;
(7) letter of credit;
(8) negotiable instrument;
(9) power of attorney;
(10) promissory note;
(11) release or discharge for money or property;
(12) title to a motor vehicle;
(13) waiver or release of mechanics’ lien;
(14) will or codicil.

I don’t believe that the letter is any one of these.

His other accusations go downhill from there.

126 thoughts on “I’m Not Making This Up, You Know

  1. William is a creative one, isn’t he?

    I say “creative” because I know that he would disapprove of phrases like “criminally insane”, despite having effectively attempted to plead it in a court of law.

  2. BS claims that Ashterah “spilled the beans” about the Great Non-Forged Letter Caper. First, no one who is lucid with a smidgen of education would see such a “confession” in his “evidence.” In fact, it looks like she/he (because who know who one really is on the net) is unusually adept at saying things without really saying anything at all. Amazing, actually. Second, he might do well to research the concept of admissible evidence and hearsay under the Maryland Rules of Civil Procedure.

  3. Not even the Cabin Boy is stupid enough to file such an obviously false criminal complaint. It’s just a plea for attention.

    He seriously needs the state to step in and supervise him. At minimum they need to remove all access to the Internet from his access, and leave him with nothing but a cell phone that can call 911.

      • Never underestimate the stupidity of William Matthew Schmalfeldt. In an earlier time, Homer would have written epics about it.

    • All those supervisions are available to inmates at the state mental institution. Bill himself would be the best witness and advocate for such a state-determined confinement there.

      Can we start a meme, a hashtag, something to that effect?


  4. Of course he did write the letter, or agree to its being sent. He can’t help himself. He’s protesting in furious fashion because he’s full of regret and feels cornered and is afraid. And if he keeps pushing he’s going to get caught.

    • That’s all based on the bluster and accuse the accuser strategy I’ve seen him and his ilk employ as defensive moves. That and the letter is what he would write. He has forging frenemies, but I think he did it himself.

      • But he would never make a First Amendment argument … except for those times that he did in his lulzsuits and peace order responses.

        Being a lunatic, I’m told, means never having to say you’re sorry.

  5. On an unrelated note, William isn’t tweeting the link to the honeypot nearly enough. Has he forgotten the address?

    • Aside from the fact that his admitted acts of “research” very well may be themselves illegal, Bill Schmalfeldt crosses the line into extortion when he stated that he would dox her if she doesn’t answer his questions. Oddly, he claims the mantle of good manners as if the form of criminal act matters more than it substance. This is doubly true when he announces that poor manners are to follow if she doesn’t play ball.

      Surely, Bill Schmalfeldt is aware that “good cop, bad cop” actually requires two cops! The good cop is suppose to say, “Deal with me so I can protect you from him.” He isn’t suppose to say, “Deal with me so I can protect you from me.”

  6. I am currently sketching the rough outlines of a book. One chapter deals with an admittedly demented, adjudicated cyber stalker with an anal fixation, who occasionally claims to be a Christian. In it, he seeks advice from a convicted violent felon who poses as his chauffeur and helps him stage falls in public places. The stalker wants to know how to frame a man he hates, and they concoct a scheme to write a letter than declare that it’s forged, hoping to get the innocent man prosecuted. The whole idea thrills him sexually, so he actually starts thinking about – to use his own terminology, because one must give credit where credit is due – putting his “pee pee” in “pooter holes,” which brings back happy memories of his scouting days. Do ya’ll think this is remotely believable, or too over the top, even for fiction?

    • I’ve actually put consideration into writing a fictionalized version of the Kimberlin Saga.

      To make it salable to a big publisher, all I’d have to do is swap political affiliations. WJJH becomes a hard-hitting lefty blogger out to tell the truth about Timothy McVeigh disciple Kimberlin, who’s also a pedophile.

      It’d sell millions.

  7. It was a draft letter, see. Totes covered.
    (Beyond bizarre. So he’s no only assuming that there’s proof, which I guess he would have to provide, that Hoge “willingly aided” the counterfeit*, which seems unlikely, he’s claiming it’s something not on that list.)

    *And that assumes it even is a counterfeit in the first place! I suppose with known document forger BK in the mix it’s at least on the table.

  8. Bill is out further on the plank than he’s ever been. I’d be standing back from the splash when it comes.

    A Reader #1: “One chapter deals with an admittedly demented, adjudicated cyber stalker with an anal fixation, who occasionally claims to be a Christian.” The way things are going, most publishers would reject the book these days contending your character is “too mainstream.”

      • Is it a forgery if personality B writes and signs a document claiming to be personality A?

        Asking for a friend, my good friend, my bestest bud in the whole world, who always hopes that I will “be well”.

    • Interesting that Bill is now claiming that there is a specific Court Commissioner who agrees with him that the letter is a something that falls under those items it is criminal to forge. I wonder if he’d like to specify the name of the Commissioner.

      • He should also share the application of charges. You have to do that first before a commissioner can see it. It will be interesting to see what lies he produced to get a charging statement.

      • He must be like the doctor(s) who BS swore, on different days, gave him correct diagnoses, all of which turned out to be wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG.

      • Speaking of which, what was the final diagnosis, (there were so many!) and why is he harassing people online when just a few days ago he was most emphatic that all he had time for right now was love?

      • Harvey.

        He’s 6’4″ with a pink nose and white hair, and his ears might qualify as “a bit overlarge.”

      • “Speaking of which, what was the final diagnosis…”

        I believe it turned out to be Stage MMMCCLVI Underscoritis.

  9. The Elkridge Horror can’t even pull off a soap opera correctly. His version of “Days of Our (His and his wife’s) Lives” is so screwed up and laden with his various falsehoods and lies that it has collapsed under its own weight from the sheer sophomoric drama. Instead of a drama, it has become a sick parody of “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest” and “Satyricon”.

    Get the Hook!!!!! STAT!

  10. Is Schmalfeldt drunk? His tweets have lost all connection with anything he was trying to twitter-law about earlier. He’s bellowing random rages in all directions.

  11. Mr. Jones is opining, incorrectly, on the law. Surprise, surprise!

    Maybe he should check with his free lawyers again, the ones to whom he does not give all the facts.

    • Apparently if someone else sends you a document which turns out to be a forgery, it is now a crime to possess said document. But the document in question has been in the hands of the authorities for several months now. If it were truly a forgery being used for nefarious purposes to try to trick a well meaning pro-se litigant one would think that the authorities would have done something about it by now.

      I can hardly wait to see what everyone is being charged with since it’s pretty obvious that the letter is NOT forged. The only person claiming it is has been known to play extremely fast and loose with the truth in the past, which doesn’t exactly help his credibility in this case, especially since every reason he gives as “proof” has been accounted for. The excuse that the signature is too close while by no means an exact copy is laughable. Other mail he has sent has been sorted and postmarked at that facility. And he has sent mail with printed rather than handwritten envelopes in the not very distant past.

      He might want to reacquaint himself with the story of the boy who cried wolf.

      • If it were a forgery, I’d expect the authorities to show even less concern for it than they do for forged court documents or subpoenas obtained under false pretenses.

    • I seem to recall that he was supposed to be quite serious about one thing these days and that it wasn’t the return of Inspector Jiggles.

    • I seem to remember that the original of William’s letter was left in the custody of the Carroll County judge in the contempt case.

      Can I be the only one wondering how William’s imaginary commissioner can determine the veracity of any allegation without the original document?

  12. Our Gentle Host keeps hinting that something is afoot and the implication is that The Cabin Boy either about to “step in it” or already has and simply doesn’t know it yet.

    But, from where I set, here in the cheap seats, The Cabin Boy continues to harass virtually anyone he pleases and never faces any consequences.

    Perhaps I am not as patient as our Gentle Host, but I would certainly love to see some justice done to both TCBBS and TDPK. I don’t understand exactly how “justice” in Maryland works but it seems that it doesn’t work.

  13. “Your definition of “harass” is off kilter.”

    — William Smellfart, Twitter Attorney at Law, collector of multiple court orders from multiple states for harassment and stalking.

  14. Did you ever get yer pinky in Connie’s butthole? Even by accident? How far did it go before she protested? Past the nail? Up to the knuckle? Did you smell yer finger after? Did you let Hoggy Jr take a sniff and have him guess the smell? “Wrong again, Hoggy Jr, it’s mumsie’s poopy hole.” “Thats where you touched me until my early teens, right daddy?” “That’s correct, Hoggy Jr. That’s where I touched you. Because that’s where granny Lois touched Daddy.” “Merry Christmas to all!!!”

  15. Does Connie still groom the snatch or is she kinda just a rats nest down there at this point? When she did tweeze the cooch was it a landing strip or more of a hitler stache? Did she color it like her hair or did she leave it salt and pepper? That’s some sexy shit. Asking for a friend.

  16. So are you admitting that Lois did put her finger in your butt, Hoge? Prove that the theory is wrong. It explains so so so so so much about you though. Thank god Hoggy Jr will never breed! The madness of family molestation will die with him at a drive thru window at McDonald’s.

    • I wonder if he realizes that image is of Helen Thomas, the unlamented spear-carrier for leftist thought. There’s a certain amount of irony there.

  17. I don’t know why the stalker is posting all of this, since his fantasies involve males, not females.

  18. So, let me see if I have this correct. Bill is upset because he believes someone is trying to frame him for something he says he didn’t do.

    And he considers someone his “excellent friend” who tried to frame someone else for murder?

    Nice logic there Bill.

  19. *yawn* Is Sunday night when the parents of Team Kimberlin go out to dinner and leave the kids unattended?

      • Oh, I find it funny. Not in the way it’s intended, but funny. I’m not disgusted by the subject matter either. The presumption and choice of venue are offensive, but then so is Pustule’s continued existence.

      • I’m pretty much unfazed by it, but I have a couple friends who are into BDSM, so… *shrug*. Hey, whatever floats the boat.

        I think the last time I expressed disgust at any kind of ‘quirk’ was findom (financial domination), which is… evidently where the guy just gives a woman all his money. I’m still not sure what the point is or what the guy gets out of it.

      • Possibly these disgusting themes were posted by TK not to just make themselves happy in their warm sweaty places, but also in hopes to get a similar disgusting reaction from those ontherightside. Do not give TK the pleasure.

  20. Spending that much time creating pussy memes and then Lord knows how much more time posting it on a site whose owner has told you to Leave. Him. Alone. is a great way to prove to a judge that a peace order (or something more severe) isn’t needed. It’s also a great way for a someone who does not live in Westminster MD to show just how much he loves his dying wife.

    • Creating? No. He’d vomit uncontrollably if he spent that much time thinking about heterosexual activity, much less pleasuring a woman that way. That’s just cut & paste from an image search.

      • You’re probably right, given that he seems to think that a normal heterosexual activity will disgust normal heterosexuals. But it’s still a lot of time if not as much finding the images he thinks will be most insulting so he can copy urls into the comments.

        And it’s still not exactly the way I’d think a self-proclaimed loving husband would be taking care of his dying wife: “Hey honey, you’ll have to wait five minutes before I change your sheets! I’m too busy trying to find the perfect bit of porn!”

        • But he also posts photoshopped pictures of male homosexual activity. And male pedophilia. I’m not sure that he has anything approaching a healthy relationship with any kind of sex. Remember the glee in the stage sex story?

          The only one riddled by their father growing up was Bill. Count on it.

      • Nurse: “How is everything? Is the catheter ok? How is the fluid retention? Is she eating? How is her state of mind?”
        Pervert: “I have no idea. I’ve spent the last 8 hours looking for porn. Am I not the most loving and devoted caretaker you’ve ever met?”

      • And it’s still not exactly the way I’d think a self-proclaimed loving husband would be taking care of his dying wife: “Hey honey, you’ll have to wait five minutes before I change your sheets! I’m too busy trying to find the perfect bit of porn!”

        Ok, shut down the Internet and go home, we’re done for the night!

      • I don’t believe he was at all selective about which images to post here. Just the first page or so of results from the search.

        The gay porn? Lovingly hand-crafted, from images culled from an extensive but thoroughly memorized collection.

  21. The current meltdown is proof that the great forgery scheme to frame Hoge didn’t work.
    “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.”

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