Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Good morning, Johnny. It’s Phil Candler. How was the fishing?

JOHNNY: Not bad. I wound mostly catching catfish, but I got few large mouth bass on Kentucky Lake.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Good. I’ve been trolling for something else.

JOHNNY: Any luck?

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) I’ve snagged something you may find interesting.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my extended investigation of The Undead Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @Zombie I don’t understand why you don’t go after something with a larger brain.

JOHNNY: Let me remind you of some background information. There’s an old saying about catching more flies with honey than with vinegar. It possible to catch a cyberthug with a honeypot. A group of activists on the Internet had gathered public data about a cyberstalker known as The Grouch and were looking for a way to authenticate the information. At my suggestion, they set up a “secret” website with the data and other attractive, but relatively unimportant, information. Then, they let the “secret” be compromised. The Grouch found the site, downloaded information, and, because he has little impulse control, bragged about finding it. He even republished some of it and authenticated it in the process.

Having the “leaked” information verified was useful in case it was needed as evidence. It also confirmed several other avenues of inquiry.

Which brings us back to that phone call.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) (Fading up) … with that many zombies on the project. The contact list was developed fairly quickly.

JOHNNY: Looks like you got your work cut out for you.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Yeah. It’s quite a list.

JOHNNY: Uh, huh. My Twitter account may be action-packed, but that’s because there’s a lot of shoe leather and telephone dial spinning backing it up. Get cracking.

ANNOUNCER: Mmmm, honey. You know, I like honey in my tea, and I like to drink my tea from my Team Lickspittle Tea Tumbler. Team Lickspittle Tea Tumblers are exclusively available along with lots of other goodies at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle. Or hit the Tip Jar. They’re both ways you can support the Team.

ZOMBIE TWEETS: @JohnnyAtsign I found a hole.

ZOMBIE TWEETS: @JohnnyAtsign I found what is missing from the hole.

JOHNNY: The Zombie’s tweets piqued my interest, and I was pleased when he followed up with an email describing what he’d found. It was a bit unusual, so I gave him a call.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) … so that one job seemed kind of strange.

JOHNNY: So what did you learn on your follow up?

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) It was pure BS. We found employment records showing that he was employed in a 9-to-5 job a couple of thousand miles away during the same months.

JOHNNY: That would been one helluva commute for a second job.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) That’s when we started looking for possible coworkers or a supervisor.

JOHNNY: Yep. That’s how the game is played. You’re learning, but you missed another clue that the job on his resume was bogus.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) What?

JOHNNY: Look at the start date for that job.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Yeah.

JOHNNY: Now, look at the date of birth for his son.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Let’s see … Oh!

JOHNNY: Do you see why he probably would have stayed put and not moved across the country then?

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Yeah.

JOHNNY TWEETS: @TheGrouch Your footprint on the Internet is bigger than you think.

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? Being in the pink may not always mean you’re doing well. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

14 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


  1. “Now, look at the date of birth for his son.”

    Just as well you said “birth”. If you’d said “conception” we’d have a solid explanation for that.

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