Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


Blogsmoke will not be presented this evening so that we may present this special episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.Johnny Atsign Logo 2

ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) Hey, Johnny, it’s Bob Bailey. How ya’ doin’?

JOHNNY: Pretty well. It’s good to hear from you again. What’s up?

BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) I see that you’ve been working on that matter dealing with The Grouch. Have you seen his latest court filing?

JOHNNY: It’s just popped up in my email. I haven’t opened it yet.

BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) Read it, and after you stop laughing, give me a call. I may have an intriguing lead for you.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my extended investigation of The Fed to Fed Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @MrGumby And you think your brain hurts!

SOUND: (Deep in echo) Monty Python Gumby yelling, “My brain hurts! My brain hurts! Ohhhhh!”

JOHNNY: After reading The Grouch’s opposition to a motion to dismiss his latest LOLsuit, I need a heavy dose of brain bleach. I got down my bottle of single malt. When I had mellowed out a bit, I gave Bob Bailey a call.

SOUND: Telephone rings twice, caller’s POV. Line picks up.

BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) Bob Bailey.

JOHNNY: It’s Johnny Atsign.

BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) So did you enjoy your reading assignment?

JOHNNY: It was amazing. Which side of the case is he on?

BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) What did you think about that section on conspiracy beginning on page 19?

JOHNNY: It’s typical Grouchian nonsense. I mean that bit about having a private website being proof of a conspiracy is bullshit. Lots of groups have private websites. If that’s his standard for conspiracy, he should be suing the Freemasons, the Rosicrucians, and … oh … I don’t know … probably Hillary Clinton as well.

BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) (Chuckles) Yeah, and I’ve got another group that he could add to the list. I just sent you an email. Take a look.

PINKY: Look, Brain. The Boss is selling mousepads.

ANNOUNCER: That’s right, Pinky. Both Team Lickspittle and The Grand Hog mousepads are for sale. They’re exclusively available along with lots of other goodies at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle. Or do your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page. Or hit the Tip Jar. They’re all ways you can support the Team.

SOUND: Mouse clicks and typing on keyboard.

JOHNNY: Yeah, I remember seeing that before.

BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) It’s the addressee and subject lines of an email The Grouch published on Twitter. It’s from the confession email he sent the prosecutors when he was charged with violating a peace order in 2013.

JOHNNY: Uh, huh.

BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) Look at the BCC line.

JOHNNY: Ah, hah … pdasleepgang dot org. That was the domain used as the name server for a bunch of The Bomber’s websites. He and his buddies were also using it host a private email system.

BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) Do you remember any of the other domains associated with pdasleepgang?

JOHNNY: I’m a bit rusty, but let’s see. There was Velvet Revulsion and Equity Through Muzak and …

BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) … and Global Pharmacy, that unlicensed business selling Schedule IV drugs.

JOHNNY: Oh, yeah.

BOB BAILEY: (Telephone Filter) And The Grouch had access to that private email system. He was a part of that hidden group that included Global Pharmacy. So by his own logic, …

JOHNNY: Got it. If his reasoning is valid in this court filing, then he’s just proven that he was a member of a criminal conspiracy.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch Don’t worry. They say confession is good for the soul.

MUSIC: Theme up and under

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? If your wondering if this is a game of chance, the answer is “No, not the way I play it.” Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

34 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

    • I suggest that folks do searches through the Hogewash archives. You find such interesting things there.

  1. I seem to recall schmalfeldt.org being a private blog. Very private, in fact, as no one wanted to join it. Were you conspiring with yourself, Blob?

  2. Twitter Attorney Smellfart parody question of the week #10:

    “How was I able to amass multiple court orders from multiple states for harassment and stalking?”

    a) Thurderbird, darts, and various phonebook pages.
    b) By propositioning courthouse night staff.
    c) Hey, harassing and stalking this many people is hard work!
    d) Brett says I’m a natural at harassing and doxing people at random. I’m so proud! I’m doing a community service by drawing attention away from Brett’s history of bombing, perjury and forgery. Brett says just three more states and he’ll award me the “Nitro Badge of Achievement”. It will be my legacy long after I’m done with my miserable mortal existence. Then I will BE somebody! Take that, Lickspittles.

  3. See, this is why I don’t offer real legal advice. I was going with, he was so insistant that “NO WAY! THIS IS NOT A COPY…” was obviously a parody, because of IS NOT. I was going to suggest perhaps a list of tweets from that day might be archived, and might show a context that showed he presented that as a genuine article, implying that his IS NOT was sarcasm, not a disclaimer.

    Hoge is playing 3D chess. I’m playing checkers. Luckily Brett is eating paste in the corner and Bill just pooped himself again.

    I’ll just be over by the popcorn maker.

  4. Wow, so Schmalfeldt connected Kimberland’s non-profits to an illegal overseas pharmacy in a legal proceeding, as evidence?

  5. If Schmalfeldt can figure out what he’s done he’ll be having to answer to a higher power, one way or another. Take your pick:

    a) Prosecutor
    b) Brett
    c) Neal
    d) Puppy Boy

  6. If one were a monkey that was repeatedly and oh so very easily triggered to dance, you’d think said monkey would at least consider the possibility that there may very well be a vast difference between what the monkey WANTS to believe is true versus what is ACTUALLY true.

    But, the monkey won’t. So, more popcorn it is. Dance away.

  7. At the circus, one of the great things to watch the monkey do after he dances is to watch catch and juggle the ball.

    Now that Dumbass has his data trove, he’ll be just as successful as with all his other failures.

    Monkey with a ball.

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