Acme Legal Citation Du Jour


@weltsschmerz2015|201502120213ZThe Cabin Boy™ will not get any IP information from Hogewash! without either a valid subpoena or discovery interrogatory.

In order to get a subpoena prior to discovery, he will have to comply with the requirements in Independent Newspapers, Inc. v. Brodie, 407 Md. 415 (2009). He will have to make a prima facie case of defamation for each individual about whom he seeks information. Because he is suing in a federal court with tighter pleading standards than a Maryland state court, he will have to plead with particularity, and I will only provide information that the court specifically orders given. He won’t get thousands of IP address unless he specifically asks for that many one by one.

Of course, that presumes that his case survives. If the court takes note of the fact that he has admitted in his Application for pauper status that he has more income (almost 2X the federal poverty level for a family of two) than is allowed, the case will be kicked out. If he’s allowed to proceed in forma pauperis, the LOLsuit must then be screened for frivolousness, maliciousness, and failure to state a claim. Let’s pretend that it gets past that screening; there will still be motions to dismiss. If the LOLsuit makes it over that hurdle, the Cabin Boy™ can then file a discovery interrogatory. He will then find that discovery may not be as open-ended as he thinks. He will also find that it’s a two-way street.

popcorn4bkBTW, if the LOLsuit makes it past the motions to dismiss, no one should be surprised if one or more defendants make counterclaims and/or adds counterclaim defendants.

The Gentle Reader should not worry about any of this. I only log the IP addresses of the Insightful Commenters who contribute to Hogewash!—and the Ill-mannered Harassers who attempt to troll the blog.

50 thoughts on “Acme Legal Citation Du Jour

    • Well, sure…but Brett am not law.

      SCHMAWFEWT AM WAW!

      Until he meets a judge. And an opposing lawyer or four.

      At which point he becomes a…well…a cow:

    • I see his padawan hasn’t learned a thing. I wonder how he is going to explain the picture of young girls he took from the internet and made sexual comments about – I wonder how that’s going to play to a jury or a judge

      • He forgets how “concerned” he was about the Stranahans kids and then made that infamous tape – maybe Lee is going to have the justice he was denied….

  1. OTOH: Just think of the poor old Oedipal Load of Deranged Cyberstalking Satire having to go through half a dozen comments and turning over the IP address of each and every one, exposing the fact that only Sweet Willy the Mook isn’t a sockpuppet! Gracious.

  2. A couple of hours ago I had just had all the up with which I was prepared to put when Bill tweeted:

    If you want to have your IP subpoenaed, have a great time!

    I am thoroughly sick of his bullying demeanor on Twitter, which often rises to the level of ignorance personified. It is clear that he knows nothing about the use of subpoenas generally, much less the challenge they pose the financially challenged litigant in the federal courts. I have seen tens of thousands of dollars spent in connection with discovery requiring the use of subpoenas in relatively straightforward cases and have read many cases where these costs exceeded $100,000. He is simply making threats intended to intimidate with no way to back them up. In a series of tweets to @weltschmerz2015 I told him this:

    Bill, accepting for the sake of argument (in other words not constrained by reality), that you get to the point where the federal court would issue you a handful of subpoenas, would you have any idea what to do with them? Have you ever read FRCP 45? Are you prepared to do a lot of traveling at your own expense? Subpoenas are not just another tool in your arsenal of harassment weaponry. They are of very limited value to the “indigent” litigant in a civil case in federal court. Not that you would ever get to that point, but just sayin’.

    You probably think that you just have to send the subpoena by mail. No. Subpoenas in federal cases are served by the U.S. Marshall Service at your expense. You probably think that the person or agency on whom or which you have the subpoena served will just have to send you back the documents or things subpoenaed. Wrong. If you subpoenaed, for example, my ISP’s records, it could either make the records available at its place of business, which is Palmer, Alaska, or you could set up a records deposition no more than 100 miles from Palmer, which, by the way, is very cold this time of year. You would have to come here to do the records deposition in person, or hire an agent such as a court reporter. Court reporters often charge 50 cents or more per page copied in addition to their hourly rates. Bottom line, hundreds or even thousands of dollars per subpoena, Bill. My guess is you just think “Subpoena!” sounds like a great threat, but you otherwise have no clue as to what you are talking about.

    I hope this would serve to disabuse anyone of the notion that BS has a tool at his disposal that he can use to clobber you with if you do something he doesn’t like. I can’t guarantee that he won’t act foolishly, but he will very quickly run into some intractable limits to his ability to act.

  3. He’s not seen the bills ISPs demand and get for such.

    Nor the judgments in six figures for attorneys’ fees that ISPs like Comcast has gotten against trolls.

    I have.

  4. As much as it warms my heart to see the actual barristers among us pouring cold water on Schmalfeldt’s subpoena fantasies… I think I’d prefer that he learn these lessons the hard way.

    I suppose I can take comfort in the fact that, ineducable as he is, their wise counsel will fall on deaf ears.

    • at some point – he cannot salvage this – his behavior – the millions of words online the documented decade of confrontational behavior, the dismissals from writing jobs for confrontational behavior, its all over

      I remember when he was sure that no one was going to be able to introduce his online behavior in court.

      Whoops…

  5. Why doesn’t Bill Schmalfeldt just announce that he is a vexatious litigant intending on imposing an undo burden on someone who has a peace order against him?

  6. The bovin is having delusions of grandeur this morning. You have to love this guy. Only on the internet does he get to play internet detective, internet lawyer , and now internet guru. The fact of the matter is that he utterly clueless as usual.

    • The movie “Taken” was obviously in Bill’s mind when he wrote that. Even he is smart enough not to have completed it with “…and I will kill you.” What, Bill, are you going to do with folks when you find them, huh? Inquiring minds want to know.

    • Whatever mode he gets into he starts acting like the “Worlds Greatest” X. Whether its lawyer, doctor journalist, humorist, pundit.
      This is probably at the core of his job history. What you see is a pattern of him putting on a good show then not proving out and getting canned. His longest stints are the ones where he has at least some qualifications but his self image can’t stand the thought of being at that level and he jumps to something he really can’t do.

  7. 1) No, Hoge doesn’t think that, inasmuch (one word) as no one has even been served; 2) no, he does NOT know how it works; and 3) his behavior indicates that patient is not a word most people would use to describe him.

  8. Hmm. “Orthostatic hypotension” anyone? It’s not nice to deprecate Jesus.

  9. Sadly, if he EVER got the actual identities of the Lickspittles, he’d learn the group has a few teacher, librarians, lawyers, blue-collar folks who work hard, and one or two writers. What we don’t have is ANYONE who would post a picture of themselves with old awards just to puff themselves up. We don’t seem to have folks whining about their diseases. Dizzy? Dude. Paul Lemmon thought he had written his last post a few months ago. We have NOBODY who would post military documents from decades ago to boost their credibility. We don’t have ANYBODY who thinks child abuse is funny enough that we’d record a “parody” audio bit about Boys Schouts and their scoutmaster. And none of us would try to explain that in a federal complaint.

  10. Those who think Mr. Hoge a fool are themselves foolish. A plaintiff who admits his intent to vex “poor, old Hoge” by forcing the review of “thousands” of comments does not note that the “poor, old” man has already got a screen cap of the admission. Wiltless Willie should remove his head from his favorite orifice, but fortunately for the hilarity of nations, he likes the view from there too much to do so.

  11. One possibility to keep in mind is that Witless Willy is not quite such a lackwit as he appears. He does not appear to mind being ridiculous or to failing; indeed don’t those two activities pretty much define his life. Annoying others may be his primary purpose, with an extra POTENTIAL benefit being to cause some to fear that their privacy may be violated. Should this analysis be accurate, he knows his “complaint” will go nowhere but does not care because its object is not to ultimately prevail but rather to be briefly feared (until he runs away again).

    What he absolutely lacks the wit to grasp, however, is that the Grady and Hoge sagas have vitiated his capacity to cause any such concern among the Lickspittles and Zombies, who know full well that his previous ventures into a court room resulted in his utter and deserved humiliation. In his own dreams, however, he may still delude himself that his threats have power to make others feel some slight quiver of fear and so a sort of respect for his evil and ineffectual carcass. He may still be able to vex, but he cannot frighten those who have watched him bloviate for month after month.

    • I just think he likes the (negative) attention. Before he broke his last agreement with our esteemed host, and both men were (I believe) essentially going to stop talking about the other, Cabin Boy probably noticed that after he quit harassing our host and the “lickspittles” his days became very long and very boring. No-one was interested in the new books he continued to crank out, and suddenly, he had nothing to do except sit around the trailer and slowly watch his health decline.

      Once he broke the agreement, Hoge began addressing his antics again, people began commenting on his antics again, and suddenly (to him) his life had meaning, again. He was important, again. The center of attention, again. He had his enemies again and he would MAKE THEM PAY!!!! ELEVENT!Y!!

      I don’t believe for a second that BS wants anything but our attention. We give him exactly what he wants. If Hoge wanted to truly, truly punish the Cabin Boy, he would give him exactly what Cabin Boy claims to want – he would stop talking about Cabin Boy and prevent people from commenting here about Cabin Boy. I can promise you, this would hurt Cabin Boy more than anything anyone here could ever do to him. Once again, his life would lack purpose, he would no longer have the attention he thrives off of, he would be just a sad lonely guy in a trailer with an unfortunate medical condition. Of course, until he made new enemies on some other message board, and started faildoxing more little old ladies, but that is besides the point.

      I sometimes wonder if our gentle host knows that the Cabin Boy will harass others if not here, and his whole goal is to keep Cabin Boy from being destructive elsewhere (sort of how we took the fight to the terrorists by giving them two countries to attack in the middle east, and just let the jihadis cross the boarder only to wipe them out by the tens of thousands- the idea being if they wanted a war, they could have it, but on their turf, not ours – a.k.a. the Bush Doctrine). Instead of allowing the cabin boy the opportunity to move on and bothering, our host allows Cabin Boy to play checkers while our host continues playing chess.

      • I would have to disagree on a few points. The first is to note that Bill Schmalfeldt’s elevator doesn’t stop on the top floor. He is a few cans short of a twelve-pack, etc. Assigning rational motivations to Bill Schmalfeldt doesn’t makes sense. Crazy is as crazy does. It has an internal logic, but, it doesn’t make sense.

        Second, I would have to disagree with your assessment of the consequences of making 2015 the Year of Ignoring Bill Schmalfeldt. You are right about the fact that he would select new targets. But, you are wrong in assuming he would feel bad. He would take that as a sign that he won the “flame war.” He would be elated. After escalating the harassment of John Hoge and others as a victory lap, he would be emboldened to target the next person in an even more outrageous way. This isn’t merely speculation. You need only review what happened to Ali A. Akbar and Lee Stranahan when they opted to enter into a “truce” with Bill Schmalfeldt. He rubbed it in their face.

        Third, I think you have reversed the cause and effect on John’s decision to face Bill Schmalfeldt’s infinite wrath. John Hoge isn’t opting to step in front of the water pistol to save someone else. He is opting to remain front of the water pistol because he knows someone else is standing directly behind him. That’s the ethics of dealing with people like Bill Schmalfeldt. It’s a variation of the Prisoner’s Dilemma. Sticking together is the optimal solution, but, the incentives for not doing so are greater for each individual. People opting for acting expediently in the face of such harassment is one reason that the Bill Schmalfeldt’s of the world exist. John Hoge is doing the right thing. Kudos to him!

      • I would also add that Bill’s original objective was to keep others from talking about BK. So in order to stop his harassment it would be necessary to ignore BK’s wrongs as well. That’s not an option.

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