In Re A LOLsuit

I have filed an opposition to The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt’s Application to Proceed In Forma Pauperis.

I do not intend to make any further substantive public comment concerning my filing until the court has ruled on the matter.

236 thoughts on “In Re A LOLsuit

  1. That’s gonna leave a mark.

    Calm, matter of fact, easy to follow, short, plain, and very persuasive, John. I would have felt compelled to include that the plaintiff has dementia, and other info not needed for the purpose of your opposition.

    I particularly appreciated the way you explained the freak’s maliciousness. If I had to pick the part of that wonderfully written, very convincing section, it would be:

    On information and belief Plaintiff has filed the instant lawsuit because Mr. Hoge has sought the protection of the state courts of Maryland from harassment by Plaintiff hoping that this Court will somehow undo the work of the Maryland Courts. As can be seen from his Prayer for Relief, Plaintiff wishes to prevent Mr. Hoge from availing himself of such legal protection.

    BOOM – the orders from the other courts show clearly who is the victim and who is the demented freak manipulating the legal process to continue his harassment and abuse.

    Let’s hope the court sees the malicious LOLsuit for what it is, and does more than just dismiss it. 😀

  2. Mmm, and my wife just bought us more popcorn. She was getting concerned about the microwave variety, so she bought me oil and popcorn to make it on the stove top. Perfect when the weather’s miserable out!

    • True – running a microwave that much can’t be good for you – there has to be some leakage even with the best shielding. You could end up brain-damaged, maybe even deranged!

      We’ll see if you can learn the lesson that Bill can’t seem to: stove = hot

  3. “Personally, I believe Hoge’s filing comes across as pathetic, fearful and weak. We’ll see what the judge says.”

    Keep wearing that brave face, Shakey. FYI. It’s still your face, so….

    • And, as if on cue — Team Kimberlin’s mangy and impotent anklebiter Wee Willy FiFi Fergie crawls out of his hole in an attempt to make Blob believe he has a legal leg to stand on. But, but, but… you’ll get HOOOOOOOGGEE this time, Bill!

      Notice how Bill Schmalfeldt’s “friends” can’t manage to hit any of his tip jars, donate to any of his blegs, nor buy any of his books/CDs, but are all too willing to open their cakeholes to lather old Blobby Boy up with their .02?

      If Wee Willy so firmly believes in Blob’s lawfare, why doesn’t he pony up some of those earnings from all of the “music” he’s selling, and help The Big BM with filing fees, copies, postage, etc.?

      Again… nice “friends” BS has chosen for himself.

  4. Very very nice. Short and sweet. I left a fairly long comment over at TMZ about why Witless Willie should pray that this farce is dismissed promptly. As your summary shows, facts will not be kind to him at any step in this proceeding, and the more steps there are, the greater the Streisand Effect.

  5. That legal genius, W.M. Schmalfeldt, Twitter Attorney at Law, believes Mr Hoge has failed in his latest filing in the LOLSuit. While Mr Hoge is a very accomplished man in his chosen field at NASA, I’m sure the Twitter Attorney’s analysis is spot on. His track record with these sorts of thing speaks for itself……ha ha ha ha ha!! Sorry, I just couldn’t keep it going. I’m laughing too hard to continue.

    Wile E Coyote…..Super Genius.
    Meep Meep!!

  6. While we’re on a Stones theme …

    Bill Schmalfeldt
    You know what I think? Hoge just fucked EPWJ, Krendler, Howie and himself.
    0 replies 0 retweets 0 favorites
    Reply Retweet
    Embedded image permalink
    1:43 PM – 10 Feb 2015

  7. Here’s what I think is going on.

    Each time Mr. Hoge makes a legal maneuver, Schmalfeldt immediately notifies Acme Law of the move.

    Acme Law immediately replies, “Ah ha. Just as we predicted. Everything is going according to plan.” Because Acme Law wants Schmalfeldt to think that everything is ok.

    Pool Bill. Didn’t want a real lawyer.

    On a side note, when do you think the judge is going to issue the show-cause decision? Should we start a pool?

      • I’m also enamoured with his use of Twitter to think out loud. “That fucking weasel Hoge … I haven’t served him yet … Oh, wait, I have a new fantasy where this works to my benefit.” You’d think that the voices in his head would be enough company.

        For entirely selfish reasons, I do hope this survives long enough for William to churn out a second amended complaint. Those are even funnier than the original.

        Plus, I want to see this. “Plaintiff seeks leave to add John Doe #3, known as Neal N. Bob, as a defendant, although he is well outside of the United States and this court. On information and belief, John Doe #3 is a Zambian female impersonator and facts at trail will establish Schmalfeldt’s love of foreign female impersonators. See, it just moved a little!”

      • Let’s see. It’s already getting late in the day on Tuesday, so that leaves three days.

        Put me down for Thursday, because the judge is planning to take Friday off.

      • That fucking weasel Hoge … I haven’t served him yet … Oh, wait, I have a new fantasy where this works to my benefit

        Ah, but what if there were a way where a failure to serve someone could work to your benefit? Alas, Acme Law has not yet mastered the true secrets of Jedi lawyering.

  8. And right on cue the adorable little nit wit Wee Willy comes round to pat Bill on the head and tell him what a good little boy he’s been and how proud all the grown ups are of him. I have to wonder how bad Dieter is at flipping coins since he seems to be the loser that has had to prop up the monkey a lot lately.

  9. Schmalfeldt has collected multiple court orders from multiple states.

    Schmalfeldt is awaiting a judgement for contempt of court.

    Acme Law is telling Schmalfeldt that he’s winning.

    I wonder what losing entails?

  10. We note that Mr. Bill has made a few comments questioning your claim that he isn’t a pauper, but he hasn’t denied it. Also, he hasn’t said anything about your claims that his suit is frivolous and malicious.

    • It just never occurs to the adjudicated stalker, Bill Schmalfeldt, that there could be any motive but his own nefarious ideas. “Right to Service” is clearly not something Mr. Hoge is concerned about risking… why is the vile obscenity attempting to masquerade as a human?

      Was the coprophiliac hoping his victim would try to avoid service? It’s never happened before, despite the ridiculous and malicious nature of the process.

      Or is it more likely the repeated cuckold, Bill Schmalfeldt, had something else in mind? Did he ever intend to serve this LOLsuit? Or did he intend to humiliate himself for a few weeks and then withdraw it, like his last LOLsuit alleging butthurt in the blob degree?

      Is it time to start the pool for whether he withdraws before it’s kicked?

    • Unless, of course, John Hoge sat for the one and only picture possessed by the Vanderbilt Year Book staff when he was a freshman of seventeen. So, all we know for sure is that John Hoge was at least seventeen.

      • I think it’s already started to burn out – the delusions, and resignation usually signal a change. A few more fits, but may not reach a full feldtdown before the WIMIDAIYF part of the schmycle. (Woe is me I’m dying and it’s YOUR fault.) Always my favorite part. One of these days, it just has to have a happy ending.

    • Yes. It’s most assuredly just him.

      The Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt (aka: The Big BM) really should consider cracking some windows in that tincan of his from time-to-time.

      I’d wager the stench gets downright overwhelming.


      • Really, it’s just him. Of course, since the tin can smells like that daily, who could blame him for thinking that way?

      • No one wants to be Bill Schmalfeldt or be near Bill Schmalfeldt – including his own children. And that’s true even when he has a fresh diaper.

        He wrote that he’s only ever seen one of his grandchildren, one time, several years ago. I just hope the poor thing was too little to remember.

    • No, Shakes the Clown. I am using the pic because there is absolutley nothing you can do about it.

      Come to think of it, those three words are a perfect description of you.


    You’re going to have to refile it with a $400 check, Blob. Mark my John’s words. If you’d first like to reply to John’s opposition and explain how you really are a pauper despite your income in excess of poverty, well, I’m sure we’d all get a kick out of that. But you’ll pay or your LOLsuit will be very, very short lived.

    Now say it with me: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGEE!!!!!!

      • Really, to whom is he directing these foaming rants? The uncaring universe? The sorrowing angels of his long-lost better nature? The gleeful demons he glimpses out of the corners of his eyes, giggling and lying in wait?

      • In his heart of hearts Bill Schmalfeldt knows he would both lie and cheat to command the internet traffic John Hoge does. John Hoge might very well be in the minor leagues of blogging, but, Bill Schmalfeldt’s efforts are more like a pick up game where he is the nineteenth man chosen dutifully sitting on the bench crying out, “Put me in coach!”

    • These tweets, one after another, are just not the right way to convince an observer that one is *not* completely off one’s nut. Out of one’s tree. Demented enough to appear on Dr. Demento for the late evening amusement of junior high kids.

    • Bill Schmalfeldt forgot, “world renown expert on stage eleventy Parkinson’s Disease,…” I’m sure he omitted “published author” intentionally.

  12. Bill Schmalfeldt @weltschmerz2015.
    Imagine how freaked out Hoge would be if he knew that… well… I don’t want to push him over the edge. He’ll find out.
    I think not! Bill you demented freak. Your the one who will end up freaking and/or being freaked. What’s judge going to think about you being a child pornographer/ pedophile apologist who also happens to be into necrophilia?
    Remember RadioWMS @RadioWMS. Let me remind you.

    RadioWMS @RadioWMS
    So to use the prevailing logic, lets say, I cook up a fantastic story about , oh lets say L’ll…… F…ks dead people at the mortuary.
    RadioWMS @RadioWMS
    …he’s had bibical knowledge of. I’m a good story teller. A regular wordsmith, some say. And let’s say I convince a lady at the counter
    RadioWMS @RadioWMS
    …that my story is true , we get charges filed against L’ll… for necrophilia …

    Bill that was one of your more Oedipal moments. Sooner or later, you will have to explain to the courts about why you are so obsessed is using rhetoric of violence, murder and necrophilia to harass people for the domestic terrorist Brett Kimberlin. I’m sure the courts will arrange you to in a very special palce for you to freak out in. Yes, you demented freak show, I have the actual screencaps to back this up.

  13. Oh, look. Someone who doesn’t delete his tweets because that’s not the way he “rolls” and has nothing to hide .. just deleted a half-hour’s worth.

    Scared of something, William?

  14. Honoring him? Um. Okay.

    Hey, Lickspittles!

    Don’t forget to “HONOR” the Deranged Cyberstalker, Adjudicated (and, admitted) Harasser, Adjudicated Stalker, Creator of a Pornographic Image Containing a Minor, Author of an Anal Rape Fantasy, Creator and Producer of a Boy Scout Anal Rape CD Track, “Excellent Friend” and Rectal Mouthpiece of Domestic Terrorist Brett Kimberlin, Owner of Four Current Restraining/Peace Orders, Lover of Vexatious Litigation, Raging Liar, Neglectful Husband, and All-Around Demented Freak BILL SCHMALFELDT on:

    FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2015

    “@weltschmerz2015: Before too long, I believe ALL the lickspittles will honor me by placing my photo in their avatars.”
    2/10/15, 3:17 PM

      • Old Blobby Boy is going to blow a gasket. Mayo and FroYo are going to be splattered all over the interwebz. Heh. Let the impotent threats and dooooom clocks begin!

        And, yeah. About this…

        “@weltschmerz2015: Make sure you use your real names.
        2/10/15, 4:59 PM

        Bill Schmalfeldt’s belief he can make anyone do anything is downright hilarious!

  15. Bill Schmalfeldt @weltschmerz2015 · 2m 2 minutes ago
    Hoge can stop the defamation and lies right now. But he needs the adulation of the lickspittles because his own life = meaningless + empty.

    Interesting that Willy NEVER gets around to telling us the specific things written here that are supposed to be defamatory.

    It’s almost like he’s just making things up. HMMMMMMMMM

    • More misogyny from our little demented pet. Too bad mommy never loved him, maybe he’d be nicer to women and quit “insulting” people by referring to them as girls.

      Wives never loved him. Mother never loved him. Sisters never loved him. Cousins never loved him. Children didn’t even know him, but doubtful they would have loved him. It’s quite sad, really, but it explains so much.

    • Nor does Matthew Lillefielt understand the concept of remaining anonymous on the intertubz to avoid being harassed and threatened in real life courtesy of a deranged cyberstalker like… say a… um… Bill Schmalfeldt.

      Gotta wonder if Blob’s “friends” — Harada, WhoIsNumberNone, Johnny Capstone, etc. — ever get tired of him calling them cowards.

    • Remember 2 long weeks ago when Willy was going to call EVERYBODY to the stand to testify, and make Hoge turn State’s evidence and all that?

      As a defendant?

      Consistency, thy name ain’t Willy.


        Facts favoring Hoge:
        Hoge received a letter in the mail bearing Schmalfeldt’s return address.
        The letter postmark was consistent with having been mailed from near Schmalfeldt’s residence.
        The language of the letter substantially resembles exemplars of Schmalfeldt’s writing.
        The signature on the letter appears original and substantially resembles exemplars of Schmalfeldt’s signature.
        Facts favoring Schmalfeldt:
        Schmalfeldt denies writing the letter.
        Schmalfeldt claims the signature on the letter too closely resembles exemplars of Schmalfeldt’s signature
        At best for Schmalfeldt, the authenticity of the letter is in dispute. It’s a long way from “I didn’t write it!” to “Hoge forged it!” Repeated claims to the contrary… well, let’s just say they don’t help Schmalfeldt’s cause.

      • I would point out that, by his own account, Bill Schmalfeldt only “denied” writing the letter after he asked his wife if she mailed the letter. Had he known he didn’t write that letter, he would have known that his wife could not possibly have sent it. [That is, unless, Bill Schmalfeldt suspected his wife might have been conspiring against him.] The fact that he asked her indicates that he, himself, has the subjective belief that he may have sent the letter.

    • “How is Hoge going to explain his possession of a forged letter…”

      Uh..The MAIL!

      You know. That stuff you are to lazy to retrieve and send the old lady to collect.

    • One would think that the “explain[ation] [for] possess[ing]” the letter in question is documented on its envelope.

    • I posted this at TMZ but works here as well:
      Place yourself on a jury, who are you going to believe? Fine upstanding member of the community or the adjudicated harasser and stalker–known associate of a convicted bomber, forager, perjurer, and drug dealer?

      • Oh, would our maker be so kind as to grace us with the appearances of pedo Brett, “Teeth” Rauhauser, Bunny Boy and the rest as character witnesses for the blob?

  16. I do wonder who Witless Willie is talking to. It can’t be any lickspittles or zombies. Many of us have read legal prose for years, and all of us seem to have decent intelligences. Mr. Hoge’s motion to dismiss is well crafted and reeks of nothing save sense and competence. Winning a motion to dismiss is a high bar as Mr. Hoge knows full well, but he gets three more bites at the apple, each easier than the last.

    The Whale of Witlessness needs to remember that although it did survive a motion to dismiss, much of his buddy’s state case was dismissed before trial on a motion for summary judgment and the rest of that case was dismissed before the defense was even presented. Willie’s assessment of his own case will not impress us.

    So who else reads his effluvia? It appears that he is trying to convince himself that he is not an ineffectual slime mold.

    • A SNITCH is gotta do what a SNITCH’s gotta do. Sir SNITCH Schmalfeldt, sooper legal genius of ACME law, just fried his tiny pumpkin seeds with today’s meltdown.

    • I think it’s written primarily for himself, like everything else he farts onto his keyboard. Secondarily for a decade-plus-out-of-date jailhouse paralegal in hopes of a pat on the head. Tertiary audience would be HOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGEEE!!!!!! and us Lickspittles, and the last and most pathetic target would be sub_normal and the maybe two other non-sock followers he has on twitter.

    • JeffM wrote:

      It appears that he is trying to convince himself that he is not an ineffectual slime mold.

      I started to write, “Surely even the repeatedly adjudicated harasser, Bill Schmalfeldt, is not that stupid…” But we all know he is exactly that stupid and more.

      PS – Don’t be surprised when you get served a summons related to that clear libel. I imagine several lawyers will offer their services pro bono because that remark was unnecessarily hurtful to all slime mold everywhere.

    • He keeps screaming “lies! lies! LIIEEES!” and saying it’s a criminal matter.

      No matter how many times it’s explained to him. The peace orders are *settled*. There’s no more to be done about them.

      That Our Host did not lie – and that BS has never come anywhere close to even raising a smidgen of a shadow of a doubt about Mr. Hoge’s evidence should sink into his consciousness at some point.

      • Heh. I’m sure he has deluded himself into the belief that if any criminal charges are filed … he has no control because it it the PEOPLE (via their representative the State Attorney) who do the prosecuting … that is, if he isn’t the chargee, then he gets to control his defense (*snicker* I know, what a farce that would be!), which is a much more likely happenstance when his latest criminal complaint is dismissed after the investigator finds that Bill has repeatedly lied and has zero actual proof that any law has been broken … except by him for filing a false report.
        There be consequences fo yo actions Unca Biwwy … very unkind consequences that you cannot wish away and that do not go away when you close your eyes and wish.

      • Sorry, I’m sure he has deluded himself into the belief that if any criminal charges are filed should read “I’m sure he has deluded himself into the belief that if any criminal charges are filed he gets to direct the prosecution, when in reality …”

  17. And still we wait:

    Bill Schmalfeldt
    Everyday, a new avatar until Lickspittles stop using my picture.

    Honestly, he’s just flailing at this point. He doesn’t even know what to say or do.

  18. Bill’s getting in as many tweets as possible before the decision comes down on his contempt of court case.

  19. I’ve never read BS so detached from reality, which is saying something given his fits of lunacy. It’s hard to pick which is the pinnacle – the fact he believes his complaint is a legal masterwork that shakes people to the core, or maybe the perception of fear pee by those mocking/responding to his idiocy, or perhaps his question as to whether our host is mentally competent to stand trial (hi, projection!).

    If he wasn’t such a harassing, vulgar, unfunny, unreasonable, vicious little “man,” I’d feel somewhat sorry for his plight and want to help. But alas, I suspect there is nothing any person could provide to tell him to make him a decent human being. He will forever be the rabid dog, foaming at the mouth and lashing out.

    • It’s the fact that he thinks he can relitigate his restraining order. He keeps flaing about as if there’s going to be a hearing on it.

      Like he keeps bringing up the message on the answering machine. That wasn’t even put into evidence, why talk about it?

      • Because the Laughable Lackwit of Eldridge does not really understand the difference between a court of law and the court of public opinion. He wants to take comfort in his delusions of a former reputation for good character.

        He simply does not get that whatever a court of law says, attacking a mother grieving for a stillborn child makes him despicable white trash. I know what I believe about the voicemail and the letter, and a judgment according to the rule of law is completely irrelevant to my belief. (It is of course also irrelevant to whether OTHER acts of his demonstrably did breach an order of the court.) I personally believe that OJ Simpson murdered his wife despite a jury finding that the evidence legally admissible in court was not sufficient to prove that murder “beyond a reasonable doubt.” I am not bound to constrain my beliefs to the vagaries of the law: “the mind is its own place.”

        Whimpering Willie the Woeful and Witless does not understand that I am entitled to have and to express opinions about his behavior regardless of what is legally provable.

    • A look at reality could cure what ails him, but he’ll never let that happen. Someone said a month or two ago that Schmalfeldt is intent on riding the crazy train all the way to the scene of the crash. An apt description of what’s going on here.

  20. Ouch! I sprained my LULZ muscle!

    Bill Schmalfeldt @weltschmerz2015 · 2m 2 minutes ago
    A Reeder needs to check the law. CJ § 3-1503.1
    2:54 PM – 10 Feb 2015

  21. Awwww, William’s convinced himself that law enforcement would waste their time investigating his fantasies. That’s adorable.

    Bill Schmalfeldt
    A Reeder needs to check the law. CJ § 3-1503.1
    0 replies 0 retweets 0 favorites
    Reply Retweet

    5:54 PM – 10 Feb 2015

    • “Small” would be an adjective for Brett Kimberlin.

      “Insignificant” would be an adjective for Bill Schmalfeldt’s internet traffic.

      “Man” would be an apt description for John Hoge.

      One out of three isn’t bad!

  22. Bill Schmalfeldt @weltschmerz2015 · 9m 9 minutes ago
    …refer to me. Try it for a week and see how many comments he gets to his Pinky and the Brain bullshit.

    Once again Willy proves he is too STOOOOOPID to know the difference between page views and comments.

    • Does anyone else remember the eleven days Seaman E. Ter wasn’t mentioned on this blog?

      Do you remember the interesting political, scientific and comedic blog entries and the relevant, intelligent comments on those blog entries?

      Yes. We and most importantly, Seaman E. Ter were mush better for it.

      But, no. Seaman E.Ter must be the victim.

      Rinse, repeat…..

    • I seem to recall we spent a good week last summer not talking about him. Yes John got fewer overall comments, but I doubt his visits decreased much. Bill really needs to try to comprehend the difference between “visit” and “comment”. comments may be the result of visits, but by no means all visits result in comments. Though as John has said, it’s not like Bill has any real experience with either….

  23. Personally, I love when CBBS makes broad Internet Lawyer statements, and then runs off after running his mouth to check to see if they’re true.

    • Feeding time. The captive nurse is now pouring gruel down the Blob’s gullet. Soon, the small exhaust fan will work its little blades to death in an attempt to clear the tin can of the digusting stench. But the smell of gin and Penicillin will persist. It is as permanent as the now defunct trailer sitting on its stress induced flat tires.

  24. “What a poignant take on the horror of geek youth, misspent as a pariah, the nerd the other kids beat up”

    Seaman E. Ter doesn’t seem to understand that he is bested as an adult. So this, like all of the garbage emitted by Seamn E. Ter and his entire existence is irrelevant.

  25. Nice avatar, William.

    You really do seem to like making young people look even younger.

    I wonder why that could be ….

  26. my irony meter just shuffled by noisly pouring a cup of coffee with a string smell of bourbon, and now is muttering tonelessly while shuffling back to its place on the shelf…..,

    • Mine just kicked me in the balls.

      He says he’s taking tomorrow off and “longer, if that SCHMuck SCHMalfeldt SCHows up again.”

  27. Why aren’t people critically analyzing the letter Cabin Boy allegedly sent our esteemed host? Think about it, where was the talk of butt-stuff? Where was the doom clock? Where was the caps lock. Clearly, this was a forgery.

  28. OMG, I just saw an early post from Jane. Very clever woman. She wonders whether, in a reverse twist on Acme’s specialty of defective service, Willie the Witless Whale had planned on no service at all. if so, the whole intended purpose was to fiddle with the minds of the defendants without risking being made out a fool in court (AGAIN). When there was a legal response in advance of the hypothetically postponed infinitely service, the Demented Dildo of Elkridge had a fit: Hoge did not wait for proper service so Willie’s inanity has been exposed for all to see in official records of the court.

    Jane, I apologize for not bowing to your genius earlier.

      • And now we know why Dipshit was so excited about his fantasy of John giving up his right to service.

        I also note that William neglected to point out that he was also awaiting a contempt ruling while suing a guy with a no contact order against him.


    • I think it would be completely fair to say that Bill Schmalfeldt sought the advice of Maryland lawyers and was told by one such lawyer,

      “You are allowed to sue someone that has a no contact order against you IF you have a valid cause of action. If it is frivolous then you could run yourself into trouble.”

      Prudence would suggest that Bill Schmalfeldt withdraw the suit while he could still claim ignorance as a mitigating factor.

      It is a win-win situation at this point. If Bill Schmalfeldt doesn’t slink away he could be held in contempt for filing a frivolous suit against the informal advice of counsel. If he does slink away it would be an admission that he doubted the validity of his own suit.

  29. You know, I heard it said once that the Tremulous Turd-Burglar tried to sell his soul to the Devil in return for just an ounce of respect. Old Splitfoot drove a hard bargain though; and only wound up parting with a quart Tupperware full of horse manure.

    It was not what you’d call a win-win deal.

  30. I have actually wondered the same thing as Jane myself. Bill has nothing at stake so far but some cutting and pasting along with some minimal mental effort in putting his complaint and in forma pauperis motion together and filing it in that he has had to put no skin (viz:bucks of his own for the filing fee) except for the cost of postage in the game. What if his game was always to intimidate in advance of “Everybody Draw Bill Schmalfeldt Day,” and never to mail any subpoenas out at all? John has spoiled that little game by filing his opposition, and now it appears that Bill is going to get dragged under the proverbial door- he will be ordered to pay the $400 and then his case will get dismissed because he has no (fill in the blank; there’s many correct choices) _______________________________. You can’t successfully manage a case in federal court when you have the attention span of a deranged squirrel- ultimately the court will not cut you any slack once it figures out you are a complete nitwit (as a certain convicted felon, I’m still convinced, is about to find out shortly).

    Pretty Machiavellian for Bill, but then he doesn’t have a whole lot else to do.

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