Blogsmoke


BlogsmokeSOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

JOHN: Folks often ask me how I got to be Internet Sheriff here in Twitter Town. I ran unopposed after being nominated by Bunny Boy, the editor of a minor website. Back in November of last year, Bunny Boy wrote what he thought was a satirical piece about my efforts to enforce a peace order against a cyberthug. As usual, he got many of his facts wrong. Recently, another peace order has been issued against the same cyberthug, and he’s violated that on as well. I’ve filed a petition with the court seeking to have the thug found to be in contempt.

But back to Bunny Boy. He did note that, given the then current rate of violations of the peace order, it was likely that there would have been thousands of counts standing against the violator by the time his case got to court in early 2014. He wondered, “The District Attorney and Circuit Court clerk probably do not enjoy this prospect. Will Sheriff Hoge wear out his welcome with the townsfolk and be named a vexatious litigant? Will he get called out for playing fast and loose with the rules of the court?”

Those questions are worth answering.

Did I wear out my welcome? It doesn’t seem likely. Since Bunny Boy wrote his article, Hogewash! has had over 1.5 million page views, and the currently traffic is growing roughly three fold each year.

Did I get named a vexatious litigant? Nope. In fact, the follow on civil matter, the extension to the peace order, was granted, and when the cyberthug tried to run an accuse-the-accuser play and charge me with perjury, his allegations were found to be without probable cause.

Did I get called out for playing fast and loose with the rules of the court? Nope. Actually, that’s what happened to the Bunny Boy’s boss.

JUDGE : Did you alter the return receipts between docket entry 38 and 50-whatever; did you change them? This is about the exact same brief green card being filed—the support motions you filed, the different docket entries, one showing the restricted delivery box checked and one not.

THE BOMBER: Your Honor, like I said, I asked the Post Office to send it restricted delivery.

JUDGE: You’re not answering my question.

THE BOMBER: Yes, I changed—

JUDGE: Did you change it?

THE BOMBER: Yes, I did.

JUDGE: And then you filed it representing that it accurately reflected the green card that had been filed out.

THE BOMBER: No, no, no, I filed it and accurately said‚it accurately reflected what I told the Post Office to do, and that’s what it is. You know, like I said, I’m a pro se litigant and—

JUDGE: Don’t even use that with me.

ANNOUNCER: Here in Westminster, we’re having those cold winter evenings when it’s nice to sit by the fire and sip some hot tea. I’ve been sipping mine from my Team Lickspittle tea tumbler. It keeps my tea hot this winter and will keep it cool next summer. It’s just one of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.

And now back to our story.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

JOHN: No. I’m not the vexatious litigant in this scenario. And the game’s not over yet. As I said, that cyberthug has violated the current peace order. As a result of my petition, he’s been ordered to show cause why he shouldn’t be found to be in contempt of court. While I haven’t asked for jail as a sanction, it’s on the judge’s list of options.

As usual, the thug has been attempting to try his case on the Internet, mostly on Twitter, and has been making a glorious fool of himself in the process. He seems to think that creating a link on a pingback enabled blog does not have a causal relationship to the resulting pingback communications sent. He’s spent a great deal of energy defending that point of view.

He has until the 23rd of this month to file a written answer to my petition with the court. Although he has a history of filing court papers at the last minute, I suspect that he will rush something out. Indeed, he’s made dark hints of a bad surprise coming my way soon.

If you hear uproarious laughter coming from the direction of Westminster this weekend, you’ll know that my copy of his paperwork arrived.

Oh, one more thing … I wonder why Bunny Boy hasn’t been writing about this story?

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) It’s been said that truth is strange than fiction because fiction has to make sense—as we will see in the next episode of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.”

Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

48 thoughts on “Blogsmoke

  1. William the Elder @weltschmerz2015 · 29m 29 minutes ago
    @osborneink Thank goodness “Blogsmoke” is a work of fiction. Otherwise, I would think Hoge has libeled us tonight.</blockquote?

    I wonder what bits BM though were libelous? He seems to agree with BK that if someone tells the truth about him and he doesn't like it, it's automatically criminal libel, never protected opinion (or indeed, adjudicated fact).

    • Self awareness fail. Again. Criminals? Has Hoge been convicted of something?
      :
      William the Elder @weltschmerz2015 · 10h 10 hours ago

      And tying BK’s desire to be left unlibeled to the French terrorists? Smarmy and disgusting. But no tactic too low for these criminals,

      William the Elder @weltschmerz2015 · 10h 10 hours ago
      Laff of the day from WJJ Hoge: “It’s good to know that the smart people are on my side.” Coffee shot out my nose.

    • Good grief. Here he goes again with the libel nonsense. BM Schmalfeldt has the attention span of a flea. It wasn’t all that long ago a few Lickspittles were attempting to educate The Blob regarding “name calling” versus “libel.” But, he still insists on embarassing himself (again!).

      I remember awhile back when he absolutely lost his mind (I know. I know.), and was threatening me with a lolsuit because I dared to refer to the cyberthug as a sociopath.

      Good times. Good times.

  2. 1. Hoge doesn’t control court dockets.
    2. Hoge is not his readers.
    3. People are making fun of the patented Bill Schmalfeldt pity me routine.

  3. If someone called BS a rapist, would he be offended? Unless he were, of course.

  4. Sure. Uh huh. That’s why the defendants beat BK in state court:

    • No one is that stupid. He’s just trying to wind us up.

      Unfortunately, what he’s actually doing is providing fodder for more ridicule than I think he has the stomach to withstand.

  5. From the archives . . .

    “Time for Some Bold Predictions 2014-08-07″ …
    … Brett Kimberlin will prevail in his state lawsuit, but will not receive all the relief he asks for. This will be spun by Hoge et al as a win.”

    Strike!

    • He may estimate his worth accurately with zero readers (if the margin of error includes a significant negative number), but he’s certainly not a man.

    • As opposed to measuring one’s worth by a single act of dubious altruism?

      Kinda like undergoing non-experimental surgery you’re likely to eventually need anyway at an earlier stage, with a potential bonus of a better outcome because you got it earlier?

      That kind of worth measurement?

  6. Bill, the judge is laughing at you. “Thug” or “cyberthug” is not libelous.

    But go ahead and try it. Please.

    • Many have attempted to explain the concepts of protected speech and opinion to BM. However it would seem that attempting to educate him on these matters is like trying to teach the proverbial pig to sing, a statement which also falls under protected speech.

      • He doesn’t want to hear it. Misunderstanding it allows him to justify in his own twisted mind his insane escalation of butthurt into LITERALLY federal cases.

    • Empty, impotent threats from an empty, impotent wannabe cyberthug.

      Even Bill Schmalfeldt isn’t stupid enough to believe that when you’re dragged into court to explain why you shouldn’t be held in contempt, you get to mosey up to the bar with a litany of assorted butthurts and demand “justice.”

      If Bill’s lucky, he gonna get told that if he has evidence of a crime, he needs to call a cop. If he has a civil claim, he need to FILE SUIT and pay his fees.

      On the topic of fees… Anyone know if Kimberlin and Schmalfeldt have paid what they owe?

  7. Get a lawyer Bill, and start making arrangements for the care of your wife – remember – its also against the law to sell depictions of sex with children in audio form in Maryland. Hopefully this will be the last few days that you are free to commit crimes against good people and above all children.

  8. Well, let’s see:
    1. He didn’t set off 8 bombs
    2. He didn’t blow off a man’s leg
    3. He didn’t smuggle pot
    4. He hasn’t been convicted of perjury
    5. He wasn’t incarcerated for possession of child porn

    All good reasons to hang out with him here.

    • I personally don’t like epwj. I have lots of negative things to say about him. But… and here’s something Wee Willy Widebody should learn… I have no control over who speaks on a blog I don’t administer. Also, 100 epwj’s in a room is far better than one Wee Willy Widebody.

  9. Did anyone notice the new condensed format on Amazon? Reviews are now attached to all formats so terrible authors books don’t escape worthy reviews of scorn.

    Hilarious!!!!

  10. William the Elder @weltschmerz2015 · 12m 12 minutes ago
    Some say I would not be harassed if I didn’t read Hoge’s website? Hoge wouldn’t have had the pingback in his post IF HE HADN’T APPROVED IT!

    Wrong details aside, Hoge doesn’t have a restraining order against him.

    That’s kind of an important point you’re leaving out Bill.

  11. URETHRA!!! BLOB HAS FOUND IT!!!!

    The judge is gonna laugh you right out of Federal Court, John. Because federal law!!

    And if someone wanted to watch that happen, they’d go to the Maryland Circuit Court, right?

    I really like the part where Blob tells you that you need to bring criminal charges.

  12. “Well, what do you know. A very important fact has just been revealed that will render Hoge’s case impotent. More later.”

    I’m sure none of you have ever heard this before.

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