Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: (Telephone Filter) Good morning, Johnny. How was the the fishing up north.

JOHNNY: Cold, but good. What’s up?

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: (Telephone Filter) I want to do a year-in-review show.

JOHNNY: Uh, huh.

EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: (Telephone Filter) Go through the cases and pick out the best two or three shows.

JOHNNY: OK. I’ll take a look.

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ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

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JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of The 2014 Roster Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @ExProd 2014 was a doozie.

JOHNNY: The biggest case this year was the still continuing Short Fused Dud Matter. The year didn’t start off well for The Bomber, the plaintiff in a RICO lawsuit against over 20 bloggers and media organizations …

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AARON: (Telephone Filter) Exhibit D … Exhibit E. OK, that’s the envelopes and green cards from some of his attempts at service. What about page 3?

JOHNNY: How much postage do you see on the envelope?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) A buck and a quarter.

JOHNNY: Don’t you find that interesting?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) It seems a bit low.

JOHNNY: Much too low! The charge for Certified Mail with a return receipt is over five bucks, so how come there’s a green card attached. Heck, a dollar-twenty-five won’t cover the basic First Class postage.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Oh.

JOHNNY: Aaron, that exhibit’s probably a forgery.

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JOHNNY: It turned out that that bit of mail wasn’t the only forgery The Bomber tried to foist off on a court this year. The most amazing thing was how crudely he altered documents …

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GEEK: (Telephone Filter) Oh, there’s more. I sent you an email a few minutes ago. Have you got it?

JOHNNY: Let me check.

SOUND: Typing on keyboard.

JOHNNY: Yeah. Here it is.

GEEK: (Telephone Filter) Scroll down to the blow up of the check marks on that green card.

JOHNNY: OK. I’ve got it.

GEEK: (Telephone Filter) That’s from the green card he mailed back in September. Look at the two check marks. The one in the Certified Mail check box is the same weight as all the other writing and marks on the card. Now, look at the mark in the Restricted Delivery box.

JOHNNY: It’s a finer line.

GEEK: (Telephone Filter) Bingo. Not only that, but the RGB values of the pixels in the two lines are enough different to convince me that they’re different colors of ink.

JOHNNY: Which means …

GEEK: (Telephone Filter) A different pen made that mark.

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ANNOUNCER: How do you plan to celebrate the New Year? My friends and I will be toasting the New Year with our favorite beverages in Team Lickspittle Drinking Glasses. Like all Team Lickspittle stuff, they’re available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and spend some money. It’s a great way to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.

JOHNNY: Of course, the year wouldn’t be complete without some sort of nonsense from The Grouch. I got a series of calls from Arizona …

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COUSY: (Telephone Filter) Mr. Atsign. You’re not going to believe what The Grouch has done.

JOHNNY: I’ll bet you calling about his new book.

COUSY: (Telephone Filter) Oh, have you seen it?

JOHNNY: Yeah. What are you going to do?

COUSY: (Telephone Filter) I own the photograph of our child. The hospital staff took it, but it was work for hire.

JOHNNY: So you’re going to file a copyright notice?

COUSY: (Telephone Filter) (Fading out.) For openers. We’ll see what other steps I have to take …

COUSY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @JohnnyAtsign Guess what’s no longer available on Amazon?

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JOHNNY: The Bomber’s RICO case was not his only lawsuit against a group of bloggers, and I got a great call about that other suit in the middle of August …

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AARON: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, It’s Aaron. We won.

JOHNNY: Congratulations! How long was the jury out?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) It didn’t go to the jury. The judge cut it off after The Bomber rested his case and gave us a directed verdict.

JOHNNY: Well, we knew that he didn’t have a case.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Yes. And he proved that for us.

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JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) There’s more work coming in the New Year, but let’s have a Happy one!

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ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? We’ll go from deck the hall to stacking the deck. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

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ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

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ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

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