Blogsmoke


It was a year ago this week that a certain peace order was extended. This recycled episode is presented in honor of that anniversary. Be sure to tune in next Friday for a special edition of Blognet and on the day after Christmas for a special episode of Blogsmoke.

Blogsmoke

SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

THE GROUCH: (THROUGH A SMALL SPEAKER) December 2nd. 7:00 PM. @wjjhoge See you Monday! Be ready to testify. Under oath.

JOHN: And I did testify under oath. Let me tell how it all went down in court.

I had petition for a six-month extension of the peace order based on The Grouch’s continuing contact with me and harassment of me under the existing order.

ZOA: (FADING UP) Mr. Hoge, I show you Petitioner’s Exhibit 5. Can you identify it.

JOHN: Yes. These are tweets that I have received from The Grouch. The back 59 pages are tweets that appeared on the Interactions page of my Twitter account. The first was received just after noon on the 16th of October, shortly after the hearing held on that date. The first page is a screen capture of a tweet from The Grouch sent last night that I found on my Interactions page this morning. There are 470 tweets all together.

ZOA: I show you Petitioner’s Exhibit 6. Can you identify it.

JOHN: Yes. There are three pornographic images here which The Grouch published on the Internet. They are all photoshopped images that contain my likeness. The first page of the file is a screen capture of a tweet he sent stating his intention that at least one of the images be obscene.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4

THE GROUCH: (FADING UP) … you could have just taken your Pyrrhic victory and let the existing order expire. What do you think will happen if the extension is granted?

JOHN: I believe that you will continue to violate the order until it is enforced.

THE GROUCH: Well, if you don’t think there’s going to be any change, why are you seeking the extension?

JOHN: Perhaps the order will be enforced.

ANNOUNCER: When I get home from the studio, I’m ready to relax. I often grab my iPad and use it to surf the web or watch a movie. My iPad is protected by a Hogewash! Res Judicata iPad case. Res Judicata cases (and other goodies) are available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle. And remember you can also support Team Lickspittle by hitting the Tip Jar.

And now back to our story.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

JUDGE: The question before the court today is whether there is good cause to extend the peace order. Looking at these 470 tweets, it is obvious that they are contact with Mr. Hoge which he should not have received. Also, the three pornographic images a grounds to find that good cause exists. Therefore, I will order that six-month extension be granted.

JOHN: So I went over to the Clerk’s office where a Deputy Sheriff gave me a copy of the order for the extension. That’s where this case stands today.

THE GROUCH: (THROUGH A SMALL SPEAKER) Congratulations to Mr. Hoge on his dirty victory today. Just because I’m not saying more doesn’t mean I don’t have more to say. As to the future, I will just say this. “Shoe? Meet the other foot.”

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Who knows what The Grouch will do next? Meanwhile, there are other harassers and stalkers out there on the Internet—as we will see in the next episode of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

8 thoughts on “Blogsmoke

  1. We can all take heart in knowing that Bill Schmalfeldt has established himself on the internet-which-is-forever as the man who harassed a family about the death of their baby during childbirth, as the man who threatened a woman with the loss of her children if she didn’t submit to his will, and as the man who staunchly defended the honor of a convicted psychopathic bomber. All while collecting multiple court orders from multiple states. All of these results he produced by his own actions. His achievements are astounding, and will never be forgotten.

  2. Just as Brett Kimberlin will forever be remembered as the psycho who set off a bomb at a high school football game and then ate a presidential seal, Bill Schmalfeldt will forever be remembered as the adjudicated harasser who relentlessly pursued the fiendish criminal who mailed him a tupperware container of horse manure.

    • Uh, that’s “wet, smelly” horse manure. Let’s be accurate here. It seems to be important to Willy.

      Oh, and as long as we are being accurate, Willy is an adjucated as well as admitted stalker and harasser. He is on record stating he does harass people.

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