Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Hey, Johnny, I got your report. Thanks

JOHNNY: You’re welcome. I hope it’s useful.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Oh, I think so. The hearing is this afternoon.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of The Confused Journamalist Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch Your legal stuff is like a knife in a gunfight.

JOHNNY: Pete Grayson blogs occasionally, but mostly he comments on other folks’ sites. He made the mistake of making a rather innocuous comment on one of The Grouch’s blogs. That led The Grouch to become interested in Grayson. Soon, he decided that Grayson was one and the same with his nemesis—The Thoughtful Zombie.

Earlier this year, The Grouch filed a peace order petition against Grayson. He filed after hours and received an interim order from a Commissioner, but he didn’t appear the next business day for the ex parte hearing before a judge, so the matter was dropped.

As a result of that and other harassment from The Grouch, Grayson filed for what is called a stalking no contact order in his home state of Illinois.

The Grouch retaliated by filing a second peace order petition against Grayson. This time, he did it during normal business hours, and he did appear at an ex parte hearing. That resulted in the a temporary order being issued. Grayson had to travel to Maryland to defend himself. The Grouch failed to appear at the final hearing, so his petition was denied. Grayson was pleased not to have the order issued against him, but he was not happy about the time and expense involved.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) (Fading in) … petition was denied. The Grouch was a no-show.

JOHNNY: So at least some good came out of the day. What are you going to do next? Are you going to file anything here?

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) I’ll go forward with my petition in Illinois. It’s actually a more serious deal than anything I could file in Maryland. And the Howard County authorities have assured me that they will enforce an Illinois court order.

JOHNNY: OK. Call me if you need anything.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) I will. Trust me. I will.

ANNOUNCER: I don’t know about you, but I had turkey leftovers for lunch. I brought my lunch to work today—but not in a brown bag. I use a Team Lickspittle Neoprene Lunch Bag. It’s insulated and water resistant, and it’s just one of the items exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.

JOHNNY: On the evening of the Illinois hearing, I received the following tweet …

GRAYSON TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @JohnnyAtsign Check your email.

JOHNNY: When I checked my email, I found a note from Grayson. The attachment was a copy of an order from the Cook County Circuit Court.

SOUND: (Phone rings twice. Caller’s POV)

GRAYSON (Telephone Filter) Hello.

JOHNNY: Peter, it’s Johnny Atsign. Congratulations!

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Thanks, and thanks for your help with the evidence.

JOHNNY: You’re welcome. What’s next?

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Nothing yet. I’m not going to announce anything for now. The Grouch will find out when he’s served. Or maybe I’ll let someone publish the information in a few days. It’ll depend on how he responds.

JOHNNY: Sound like a reasonable plan. Have fun with it.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) I expect I will.

THE GROUCH TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) Until I hear differently, I’ll just assume that either Grayson didn’t show up, or he did show up and the judge laughed at him.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch You remind me a a Beatles tune.

MUSIC: I’m a Loser (fade after the intro)

MUSIC: Theme up and under

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? The Shadow isn’t the only one who knows. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

11 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


  1. It was so nice watching him twist himself into knots trying to be brave but too cowardly to actually call the courthouse to find out the ruling. Same with the way he was so terrified of Grady that he had to hide behind his wife’s skirts when he forced him to come to town.


    • I’d still love to know who really wrote that email asking after his health, and telling him that all those extra police had been there for no other reason than to protect him if he had shown up.


      • One most likely needs to look no further than to a demented creature pounding furiously away on a sticky keyboard in a tincan in Elkridge, Maryland.


      • There was no such email. You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it. And the Admiral knows we all know it.
        He is a quivering baby. He wishes to use the courts as a weapon much like the pip-squeak diddler. Yet, he doesn’t have the testicular fortitude and even more damning, the brains to execute it quite so damagingly as the sawed-off sleepover addict.


  2. Perfect theme song for the Deranged Cyberstalker, Adjudicated (and, admitted) Harasser, Adjudicated Stalker, and Demented Freak Bill Schmalfeldt.


  3. I would have been happier if all of this had been unnecessary, but people who lack both objectivity and a basic sense of humor sometimes draw incorrect conclusions.

    Some people can’t let things go. Can’t be the butt of a joke and say “Hey. You got me. Nice one.” Some people have to escalate. Until the time comes to do whatever is necessary to make it stop.

    That’s a course you have to commit to fully. No half measures. Eternal vigilance. Watching every day. Reporting every violation.

    No quarter.

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