A “Journalist” Against Freedom of the Press

CBPR201411301441ZActually, I believe that the readers of this blog find the story of how the Cabin Boy™ is reacting to a tasteless, but exquisitely appropriate, prank to be newsworthy. Therefore, Hogewash! will continue to provide news and commentary on the matter.

56 thoughts on “A “Journalist” Against Freedom of the Press


  1. The “joke” was tasteless, I agree. Cabin Boy ™ should have just let it go…planned his own prank as a comeback…instead we got a Schmeltdown….What is interesting is he is literally trying to make it a federal case.

    On that front I will continue to follow the story here at Hogewash!


  2. So pardon me for my language, but…

    First, how does he know it is horseshit? Is he some kind of expert. A shit savant?

    Second, why should we assume it was sent by anyone on our side? I think I saw a second shitter on the grassy knoll. Joking aside, we have caught Team Kimberlin faking threats before. Indeed, I wouldn’t put it past Schmalfeldt to have done it to himself.

    Third, if we pretend it is done by our side let me say this as unequivocally as possible. This is not only wrong, it is illegal. It might not be a felony, but it is harassment. And if you don’t give a shit about it being wrong, or illegal, maybe you will care about it hurting our side. It allows him to go to court and play the victim. It allows them to build a false moral equivalence, as though SWATting (most likely by someone sympathetic to Kimberlin) is equivalent to a high tech version of the flaming bag of poop prank. So if anyone on our side has done this, stop. If you really want to help us, donate to our legal funds, help in research, but don’t do this kind of ineffective (and wrong and illegal) bullshit.


    • yep, it was totally stupid and wrong. But, given that Bill has forged my name on marketing material that Is still up on Amazon and has been publically threatening me with arrest, lawsuits, and has been quite open about his hostility to me, I hope to be quickly cleared so I may seek all recourse that is due me.


    • First, Aaron, trust me, people living in the Midwest know pig shit from cow shit, from driving down the highway. Pig shit is kind of a higher “tone” and you can tell which one the farmer has put down on his fields. I have never worked in horse stables, but I could see becoming familiar with the smell very quickly.

      Second, I agree in general but $16.95 is awfully steep.

      Third, I agree wholeheartedly. This does not help the side of right and virtue (Bill, that’s Team Lickspittle in case you were wondering.)


    • This is what I think…TeamK and/or BS himself is far more likely to trump up something to keep drama going. BS is an old fool, a sick old man and far more trouble than he is worth. He isn’t worth the effort, and if anyone disgusted by Bill sent him some legal ( and even practically useful)l manure to make the point, I think it was wasted effort and anyone with sense would know that. No one has a stronger motive to send it than BS, who can’t live without some enemy to pester.


    • I’m sorry… it’s harassment, how? Someone sent him a gag gift. The dude is full of shit, after all. Geez, Louise.


      • I was wondering the same thing, hkk. Why does sending a gag gift have to be harassment?

        The sites who offer such products state these gag gifts are sent for numerous reasons. Here are but a few:

        1) In order to let someone you don’t care for know exactly what you think of them — an ex- boy/girlfriend, a teacher who gave you a bad grade, a neighbor who allows their pet to defecate on your lawn without cleaning it up, etc.;

        2) In order to make someone you very much like laugh (i.e., a joke between friends);

        3) An unusual gift for that person in your life who already has everything.

        I’m not trying to be difficult here (and, mind you, I have zero doubt Blob will use this “prank” as he uses everything in order to make it appear he is a poor, hapless, innocent victim), but, I’m also not going to think more of this than what I believe it to be… a prank… a gag.

        I believe whomever sent it (unless it was Blob himself) more than likely thought they were being funny, and wanted a good laugh at The Elkridge Horror’s expense.

        Harassment is a very specific charge, and tends to entail a “course of conduct.”

        Again… I’m very sorry for the pain-in-butt Bill Schmalfeldt is committed to being for EPWJ — but, BS is also committed to being a big, hysterical baby about all of this, and making a mountain out of a molehill. I guess I just can’t go there.


      • We sent the Commodore a very lovely and sincere Christmas card in 2011. The ingrate filmed himslef tearing it to shreds and then throwing it in the toilet and then peeing on it.

        Side note* He had to flush it three times brfore it completely disappeared.

        Guess who was IMMEDIATELY removed from our Christmas card list.


    • Tell us, Aaron, exactly what elements would make sending a tub of horseshit from Slovakia be “illegal?” Would it be because it was “contact” that a “reasonable person” would consider “unwelcome” that was “annoying” sent by a person who “reasonably knew” that it would be “unwelcome?”

      I don’t see how Bill Schmalfeldt can assert these elements without implicating himself for numerous acts of harassment from Portland, to Maryland. Nor, do I see how a jury of reasonable people could conclude anything than Bill Schmalfeldt considers personal contact with enemies a legitimate part of civil discourse and, therefore, the contact was not “unwelcomed” in the legal sense.

      As long as the horseshit was properly labeled and sealed, I don’t see it as any legally different than sending teabags in the mail. The First Amendment does protect symbolic speech, and, this was a very clear example of symbolic speech. Bill Schmalfeldt is a public figure who seeks notoriety for his comments on matters of public importance. As such, he should reasonably expect what amounts to “letters to the editor.” This “letter to the editor” symbolically states, “What Bill Schmalfeldt has to say is horseshit.” Since when is Truth not a complete defense?

      I would note that even if what you claim is true, it would be in the same of category of “illegality” as working without authorization for the five million folks Obama has opted to defer deportation. Maryland doesn’t seem interested in prosecuting overt acts of harassment let alone pranks.

      Either the incident was a inside job, a crime, or, it was a prank. I don’t discount the possibility that someone on Team Kimberlin paid for the package. I don’t think it was a crime, unless BIll Schmalfeldt know who sent it while falsely accusing another of a crime. To the extent that it was a prank, any sympathy or empathy extended to Bill Schmalfeldt is little less than a slap across the face of the Stranahans and numerous others.


  3. A journalist would threaten to have the subject’s children taken away to get the story, too! Why am I the only one who remembers these things?

    Also, in the space of about three hours, William has graduated from the local cops to the US Attorney. By dinnertime, the governor of Maryland will be personally looking into this horseshit. This despite the fact that everyone on Cabin Boy’s legal advice website told him not to waste everybody’s time. Actual lawyers, as William declares every time he gets an answer he likes!


    • Demented people often have strong delusions, especially delusions of grandeur, wherein they are all powerful and the elites dance to their tune and the hoi-polloi hang on their every word (usually of their amazing adventures doing heroic things like storming a beach unarmed with a team of SEALS …). The reality is 180° different in a double-wide world …


  4. If someone publishes something, anything online or on social media it is in the public square and open to comment, mockery, agreement or any other form of commentary/sarcasm/punditry/parody without the posters permission. If said person does not like that … the openness of both the public square and social media, that person needs to not post anything online or on social media. To threaten lawsuits, criminal charges, etc. is not only foolish but in many jurisdictions it is treated as extortive behavior and is in itself a criminal act.
    Tread carefully said poster …


  5. nothing is more likely to get an individualist to do what he wants than combining an insult and a demand.


  6. Its going to be real difficult for someone to explain why he wrote a fake review on Amazon in my name – in a section that is only reserved for the author

    real difficult


      • Think this is a confession? I think it is…

        The Liberal Grouch @cbparodyrecords
        · 5m 5 minutes ago
        Again. Your NAME is ERIC P. JOHNSON. NOT “EPWJ.” Therefore, I did not file ANYTHING under your NAME. And that’s the least of your worries.

        I think the authorities when they see the preponderance of the evidence is going to see that I have screen caps of you complaining about all the reviews from me as EPWJ and your website doxying me as EPWJ I have your threats I have the audio tapes and now I have proof you were forging my name/identity on horrible material

        You made two web articles about my daughters using EPWJ and in fact there are comments you left on Amazon identifying me as EPWJ

        I am going to give you no notice about what I am going to do next.

        No f@cking notice at all…………………..

        And its not going to be an apology, and its going to be epic legal – you wanted my attention

        you……..have…….it………now


    • Oh, and act as if we were all at a meeting and conspired to send poop. Now that the poop arrived, we’re supposed to “come clean” or we are somehow letting someone walk the plank. This might have worked on the Bowery Boys in a swell old movie decades ago….


  7. Cousin Bill grunts out:

    “I’ve got enough on my plate to where I really don’t need this. A polite admission and apology for sending shit to my house it all goes away.”

    Ya, right. Someone admits to it, and you’ll be all sweaty-palmed-faildox before the bits even cool off.

    We didn’t just fall off a horse-manure truck, ya know…

    Hi, Cousin Bill, ya inbred moron!


    • A request to Bill Schmalfeldt to stop accusing EPWJ of a “crime” for which he have no evidence whatsoever that EPWJ committed, and, that EPWJ emphatically denies, would go nowhere. Similarly, a demand for an apology for the false accusation will go nowhere. Seems Bill Schmalfeldt is about to be subject to a fourth Peace Order. A judge is about to rule whether, or not, Bill Schmafeldt impersonated EPWJ on Amazon. A judge is about to rule whether, or not, Bill Schmalfeldt has repeatedly falsely accused EPWJ of a crime. Whether, or not, Bill Schmalfeldt agrees with the judge’s decision, or places any importance to the ruling, it will be binding.

      John Hoge should augment his countdown until Brett Kimberlin’s next request for yet another delay with another bug that counts the current active number of Judicial Orders in force against Bill Schmalfeldt.


  8. He has tweeted out his email and physical address during a Schmeltdown. Dudes and dudettes. It is out of our hands. People we’ve never heard of now know his character. If I were him, I’d have the mail stopped for a while.


  9. This is so he understands

    There is NEVER going to be an apology from me.

    the matter of the accusations on Twitter will be resolved sometime in the near future, I have everything, EVERYTHING. You denied writing and then you confessed – everyone saw it everyone screen capped it

    Done and done.

    I am not happy someone sent you what you got, it was wrong, I didn’t do it, its okay to suspect me but it’s not okay to say for sure its me, which you did, especially now confessing to making up stuff in my name for marketing purposes.

    I asked you to IMMEDIATELY call law enforcement and turn over the evidence, instead you used the whole event to harass and coerce me like you tried on the phone for the better part of a holiday weekend, also you need to inform them of what you have done to me when you add my name to the list.

    And now you just confessed to writing things in my name the only EPWJ on the entire internet for several years…..

    Think about what I said about redemption, turning back, but finish reporting it all to the authorities, I can assure you 100% it wasn’t me.


  10. Wonder why CB is suddenly willing to drop this. Maybe because the police told him not much would happen, perhaps unless he actually knows who did it or if he/she does it again. Maybe because he is all sound and fury signifying nothing and knows it all goes away whether he gets a confession or not. He’s silly.


    • Or maybe he sent it himself. Yeah, that’s most likely, imo. Otherwise, I don’t see him taking any advice; not from LE, not from the lawyers he contacted, no one. He’d plan (and as always fail) to take the case to the Supreme Court. And I don’t see him giving up after only two days of humiliating himself with it.

      Seriously, could he have done a better job of humiliating himself? I mean, even smearing it on his face wouldn’t top the show he put on. (But it would be a nice finale.)

      The deranged “plan” from the demented cyberfreakshow may have been to convince anyone to give a false “confession and apology” so as to “save” EPWJ. Of course, he knows full well that EPWJ had nothing to do with it.

      IF the multiply adjudicated harasser and adjudicated stalker didn’t send it to himself (but remember he had his poor wife open it), then it’s possible one of his “friends” who laugh at and mock him has confessed and now he wants it all to go away. I mean, what’s a quart of manure between such good pals? (Or is that “palsy-walsy”?)

      However, this may be out of his hands at this point. And someone has to say it, so here goes:

      The sh*t has hit the Schmalfeldt!

      hahahaha


  11. I am inclined to believe that this package was probably sent to BS by one of his pals, possibly by BS himself. Of course, that is mere personal opinion about probability, not certainty. So it is also possible that someone not his pal sent the package. Let’s suppose that possibility is true. That does not entail that any regular poster here or at TMZ sent the package: plenty of other people have reason to be aggrieved with BS.

    As Mr. Hoge has succinctly said, the prank was utterly tasteless, but given BS’s behavior, exquisitely appropriate. More importantly, the prank was also utterly harmless. No one was physically hurt or financially damaged (as Mr. Grady was by having to come to Maryland to answer a bogus complaint) or even held up to public scorn and contempt (as Ms. Stranahan was). If BS was offended, I could not care less: offending the grossly offensive is almost a minor moral duty.

    However, Mr. Worthing’s advice is sound: if the prankster is a regular reader of this blog or TMZ, then that person is now aware that BS has announced that such communications are unwelcome and should cease. However surprising it may be to some that BS did not enjoy his package, he has now made his feelings known. This blog, TMZ, and the commenters have all been very consistent that (a) there is a fundamental distinction between communicating about and communicating to someone, and (b) a request not to receive communications from someone or of some type is to be honored as soon as known. Furthermore, continuation may involve Mr. Hoge in more nonsensical legal proceedings, of which he has suffered MUCH MORE than his share.

    But of course BS’s contention that mocking his reaction to his own publication of the prank is, as usual with his legal assertions, beyond absurd. “Fed to fed” from a retired flack is indeed, as someone already said, “pure comedy gold.”


      • I think you might be confusing your Heinlein novels. In The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress Manny and professor De La Paz explain to Mike the computer about the concept of “funny once”. I don’t have Stranger In A Strange Land memorized like I do TMIAHM, so maybe there was a similar incident that I’ve forgotten.


  12. Please keep us updated on this story Mr. Hoge.
    I come here everyday for all the poop that’s fit to scoop.


  13. I stand with those who have said the joke was both tasteless and hilarious. I also agree that it should not be repeated, nor imitated. Enough is enough for this joke and anything related to it.

    However, I cannot help but wonder why the Internet’s foremost humorist lacks the sense of humor to see that, yes, THIS. WAS. FUNNY. If it’s only because he was the butt of the joke that he found it unfunny, then he must not be as funny as he thinks. It certainly doesn’t show.

    Also, am I the only one who remembers his previously stated battle philosophy? “If you throw a dog turd in my yard, I will crap on your dinner table. While you’re eating.”

    It would indeed be a shame if our pal the Cabin Boy™ has run into one or more playmates who share his philosophy of infinite escalation. Quite difficult to imagine that turning out well for him.


  14. So, Bill is threatening to sue each and every one of the commenters here and at TMZ because he just knows that we know exactly who sent him that package? Or is he going to do his “Fed to Fed” routine, and get them to charge us all with harassment? I’d like to see him try just that, because it’s going to more than a little difficult. The first I knew about it was when he posted about it. I didn’t even know that there were outfits that sent poop until then. And I certainly don’t see the courts assisting him in that particular witch hunt. Even if it’s illegal, they’re not going to waste resources trying to track down the records of a company in Slovakia over something this trivial.

    I’m sorry his wife opened the package, though I find his argument that his fingers aren’t dextrous enough to do so when he can type as many tweets per hour as he does more than a little disingenuous. I’m sorry it made her sick. But given the s**t Bill deals out on a regular basis online, attacking and harassing people he does not know, he should probably count himself lucky that that is all that happened. I’ve been warning him for months now that some day he’s going to go after the wrong person. One could hope that he’d learn something from this, but sadly, we all know he won’t.

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