… led me to take a look at the listings for the Cabin Boy’s™ books and CDs at Amazon. One of his books is called Troll Louse Kookies. As of this afternoon, it has a sales rank somewhere south of 5,000,000, implying (imputing for Team Kimberlin) that there have been essentially no sales for weeks. The About the Author blurb reads as follows:
Notice the initials at the end. They are not the Cabin Boy’s™. They belong to Eric Johnson. How did they get there? Only the seller has access to the About the Author portion of the page. Only Bill Schmalfeldt could have put those initial there. It appears that he has, in effect, forged Mr. Johnson’s initials.
The Cabin Boy™ has a history of forging documents. I would not be surprised to find that he is trying to pull a similar stunt against Mr. Johnson in order to manufacture evidence to support a false accusation against an “enemy.” Given the Cabin Boy’s™ recent fixation on Mr. Johnson, forgery by Schmalfeldt for the sake of causing trouble is a reasonable hypothesis.
UPDATE—I am informed that The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt™ has tweeted an admission against interest confirming that he is the source of the bogus initials.
I would personally call it a surety that CBBS did that. Unless he’s decided to say that EPWJ hacked his Amazon account. Which I wouldn’t put past him as well…
It really does sound like his writing.
Indubitably! 😉
What?!!???
That’s unpossible!
False accusations are bad enough. Manufacturing evidence in order to support one’s false accusations is beyond the pale. Per always… the Demented Freak is his own worst enemy.
In short: Bill Schmalfeldt is pure evil.
Nah, adulterated evil, at best.
He never gets anything right.
Bill the fuckup.
I just sent john this screen cap – Amazon themselves asked me to change to another ID but all the reviews and Parky Pundit Bills comments were kept as is
Enjoy:
And I got pages upon pages upon…………………….
the right to remain silent?
couldn’t ask for better material…
He has the right. He lacks the wisdom.
https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/539193891493511168
It’s more acceptable than sending CPS to an innocent person’s house.
BOOM!
I don’t think Bill’s appeal to pity is gaining much purchase. Even his “friends” aren’t interested.
“BUT…..BUT……….SHIT!!!!!”
If someone can’t handle receiving horse manure, then they are the most delicate pweshhhush flower evah! I would personally be outraged over an actual bag of flaming dog poo because that’s just nasty and toxic. Neatly packaged horse manure? That’s just bucolically funny.
Heh. Yeah. He’s quite the delicate flower.
He’s freaking hysterical over a stupid, harmless prank. I’m not sure I’ve ever witnessed a grown-ass man behave like such a thin-skinned, drama queen before.
Maybe his neurologist will up his meds tomorrow, or put him on a lithium-drip, or something. Good grief. Blob is gonna stroke out UNLESS HE GETS AN APOLOGY THIS EVENING DOOOOOOM CLOCK ELEVENTY!!1!!1!1!
*pfft*
Omg omg the doom clock! Everybody hide! The mayo is going to explode!!!11!!!! 1
[redacted] him.
Right where he eats cake.
This seems to be the tweet in question:
Again. Your NAME is XXXXXXXX. NOT “EPWJ.” Therefore, I did not file ANYTHING under your NAME. And that’s the least of your worries. — Bill Schmalfeldt (I put XXXX in place of a name which Schmalfeldt figures is EPWJ’s name.)
Yes, so under the 4th grade rules of the internet, Bill did NOT file ANYTHING under EPWJ’s actual name, but under his online nickname. Which is kinda like running all over the internet acting like a jerk while calling yourself Bill Schmalfeldt. (Please don’t try that, because we have one guy already doing that.)
It’s the same crap he was trying to pull about how “Strammyham” couldn’t possibly be mistaken for “Stranahan” so why were people getting worked up about his little pieces of “satire” since they obviously weren’t about a real person. [/sarc]. At the same time Parvocampus is all about him so John better stop doing it.
Freaking narcissist.
You know what’s funny? I’m pretty sure the poop delivery is the WORST thing anyone has done to Bill Schmalfeldt since this dustup began. The worst actual, real life thing he can complain about is poop in the mail. Everything else boils down to good guys protecting their rights.
so… another example of Team Kimberlin knowing how to fake evidence.
You would think that a man this close to death’s door would clean up his act. Its like the old bumper sticker: “Jesus is coming, look busy.” Instead as he prepares to meet his maker, he is determined to erase every bit of good he has ever done in his life all for the love of Brett Kimberlin.
My only explanation is that he must be something like the lead character in Breaking Bad, “Heisenburg.” (sp?) early on in the show, they note that he doesn’t believe in God, and i think that was key. He didn’t worry about God’s judgment so he was willing to do a great deal of evil in the world on his way out. Schmalfeldt does claim to believe in God, but I don’t believe him. I think like Cranston’s character, he is willing to do a great deal of evil on the way out, perhaps for pay.
And there he goes when caught irony spews at warp speed, this is why the Mac wiper blades are NOT an urban myth
BS wants an apology? Ok, I have one: he once referred to the book of Revelations as The Apocalypse during his Mr. Apocalypse phase, and I called him on it. I was wrong, he was right. He was raised Catholic, and the book is referred to that way by Catholics. My apologies for the error and previous snide commentary,
Now you’ve gone too far!
Prepare for snidefeldt in five…four…three…
BS wants an apology? Ok, I have one:
I find it beyond terrible and frustrating that such a disgusting and evil wart as Bill Schmalfeldt is allowed to continue his sociopathic harassment and abuse of so many good-and-decent people.
I AM SORRY there is not currently anything that I can do to stop him.
“Currently?”
…sounds promising.
Actually, it’s probably more of what his local parish referred to it as. As a life-long Catholic, I have only rarely heard it referred to as The Apocalypse. It is always and forever Revelations. So that’s a bit of apology you didn’t have to make. But it was still very big of you. 🙂
https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/539195488852258816
Oooooooh! A “doom clock” faux pas!
Sorry Bill, you cannot have 2 doom clocks for the exact same purpose within 48 hours.
Try again.
Savvy? WTF? Has he been watching the “Pirates of the Caribbean” trilogy? He sure ain’t no Johnny Depp.
https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/539195226058133506
And I have no inside information on this, but I’ll wager that John has has to deal with much worse that having fertilizer sent to him in a sealed tupperware container.
No one is ruling out the possibility BS did do that.
So by CB logic, I could attribute any quote to him and he can do nothing because he isn’t the only “Bill Schmalfeldt” in the world. Both so wrong and such an opportunity…
Oooooooo…..
I think he’s right. If he writes something and attributes it to “WJJ Hoge”, there’s nothing John can do.
(God, I hope he tries it)
As Krendler reminded us, “If you throw a dog turd in my yard, I will crap on your dinner table. While you’re eating.” – Bill Schmalfeldt. Really, that’s a quote. Looks like someone picked up the gauntlet.
The problem is he doesn’t know which table to take a dump on. I guess it sucks to have your bluff called on you. lolz
Interesting, Bill’s been tweeting about this incident for over a day now, and this is the first we hear about his wife vomiting.
Yeah, kinda suspicious that only just now he is outraged about this portion of it.
And, the “horror” of the incident continues to escalate… along with his rabid-and-rapid tweet count, and his threats of DOOOOOM.
Hell will befall ye Lickspittles — one and all! Woe be unto us!
*yaaaaawn*
I’m sorry, I fell asleep somewhere around the word “horror”…. It’s the SS/DD, thing, I think.
Heh. I think the actual biggest horror to Bill is each morning he wakes up … and is still Bill Schmalfeldt!
She had to eventually gaze upon him sometime this weekend, right?
After all the messes she has had to clean up do you really believe she would vomit over horse shit?
No. But, heck. Maybe she does vomit every time she has to deal with one of his accidents/messes. If so, it makes BS’s hysteria and “story” of her puking this time even more suspect and ridiculous. But with that said, I would have to believe if she was prone to throwing-up after cleaning up after him — everyone (unfortunately) would have had the displeasure of hearing about it already. Mr. Open Book doesn’t quite have a history of holding back on the sharing front.
Furthermore, who in their right mind opens up a plastic, storage container that clearly states “Horse Shit” on the outside of it? *smdh*
Blob and his wife/caretaker should actually be grateful it only contained fertilizer. I cannot speak from personal experience, but I’d wager the genuine article could very well be gag inducing up-close-and-personal.
Having raised children and babysat, as well as taking riding lessons, I can state pretty unequivically that horse poop is much, much less nauseating than people poop. Herbivore vs. carnivore. Two weeks in the mail might change that equation, but I doubt by that much.
Well Bill after doing some exhaustive online forensics research of blog posts, twitter, Amazon reviews and supply chain tracking…. and doing an analysis of the hand writing samples and postal marks…… I have determined the identity of who sent you a 1quart tub of horse manure in the mail:
Brett Kimberlin and Neal Rauhauser
Good luck…. and may the odds be ever in your favor!
https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/539218562733604864
No Bill, someone in freaking SLOVENIA mailed it to you. So your beef is with them. Good luck with that.
As for “the law” being on your side, I’ll quote one of your own experts:
Robert David Richman
Robert Richman
Federal Crime Lawyer – Minneapolis, MN
Contributor Level 17
It is unlikely any prosecutor, state or federal, would agree to prosecute this case even if there were laws broken. The courts are full of rapes, murders, burglaries, and other serious offenses. No prosecutor will choose to use the scarce resources of the court to get involved in your private dispute
SInce I think it is a distinct possibility that someone on Team Kimberlin sent the package, I have no interest in “protecting whoever did it.”
No, he’s not. He just doesn’t feel sorry for him.
https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/539218562733604864
Rats, wrong tweet. This is the one I meant to post:
https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/539219944672854016
Projection much Billy? You defend your actions that have been much, much worse than a small prank. Calling CPS on people? Accusing them of prostituting their wife and children? Filing vexatious lawsuits and protective orders? Calling people c*nts and tw*ts on a regular basis? You would have to receive a metric ton of horse manure to even begin to even the score.
Just go to sleep already little boy. It’s time for nighty-night because you’re going to give yourself an aneurysm trying to get the apology YOU DON”T DESERVE.
Shakey regularly defends a guy who blew people up and possibly arranged to have the grandmother of his pedophilia victim killed, and he wants Hoge to be a lightning rod of hate over a tub of horse poo?!?!?!?
https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/539220106300387329
“Render therefore unto Schmalfeldt that which is Schmalfeldt’s”
Oooh, I like that one. lolz
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Nice!
Bill, protip: I you are going to regale us with stories about adult diapers, bowel movements and “accidents”, don’t expect us to get the vapors over a closed tupperware container with pony poop.
Which brings me to my question about his wife vomiting from the smell. Who in their right mind opens a container that is labeled as containing horse shit? Moron.
As someone posted above, this claim is questionable.
If she can stand his smell, horse manure has to smell like posies, by comparison.
I call “horseshit” on the vomiting claim!
Wait! Perry has the pony?
Graaaaaaace!!!
I’m telling Betty! 😉
So confusing, no? First, BS tells WJJH to keep his nose out of this, in vulgar terms, then he claims WJJH doesn’t want to discuss it, even though he has posted three entries about it.
https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/539219434855235584
He doesn’t know what he wants. Typical Schmalfelt. And again with the equivocating. Sigh.
If he did nothing wrong, why does he have three active restraining orders against him, as well as a fourth likely in the works?
By my count, Blob has FOUR active court orders against him (protecting SIX individuals), and is diligently working on a FIFTH.
I think you’re right. The Causey’s have separate orders, don’t they? I had been counting them as a single order.
Crud. No coffee yet. That should be “Causeys” with no apostrophe. That habit of blindly adding them before any s at all would seem to be catching. /hangs head in shame.
https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/539223153843920897
WRONG!
Someone paid to have that shipped. You have no evidence exactly who did it.
You may now continue your backpedaling.
If it turns out that it was a member of Team Kimberlin that sent Bill Schmalfeldt the horseshit, will Bill continue to refer to him as a “cowardly cocksucker?”
https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords
If you believe that then I have some property to sell. Nice view of a trailer park in Maryland.
He is fortunate that so far he has only harassed civilized people, not a barbarian that wears civilization as a fine veneer.
https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/539159155081506817
Finger cut off the status.
“Unless I get an admission and apology, the paying isn’t over yet.”
Shit in one hand…..
Damn you were right about limbering up for the LULZ!
The Liberal Grouch @cbparodyrecords · 22m 22 minutes ago
One of YOU cowardly c***suckers PAID the company to send me the horse shit. One of you PAID for this.
So all of your investigators are going after someone in Slovenia. If any laws were broken, they’re the ones who broke them.
Cousin Bill spurts:
“Unless I get an admission and apology, the paying isn’t over yet.”
Snort. We’re shaking in our boots, Bill.
FOAD, Cuz.
Somewhere, someone is marveling at how much steam you can create for $20.
And, we have entered the “poor me, I’m dying, but I forgive all ye sinners (but you’re still burning in Hell!)” phase:
“But something tells me I’m not going to have time to see it through. I generally never try to start something I can’t finish. Therefore,
As my final gift to you, “the other cheek.” May God lead you back to him because your anger and hatred have taken you far away.”
Geez, Bill, grow a pair. And stop being such a flaming drama queen!
his past declarations about “if you believe in that sort of thing” suggest he is the usual Tupperware load when it comes to knowing or prescribing correct spiritual belief or action.
Indeed.
And, as a “Christian,” he has claimed numerous times that he does not believe in Hell. He doesn’t believe Hell even exists.
For his sake… he best hope he’s right.
Our Lady of Perpetual Menstruation.
You’re killing me! Oh, my sides! Bwahahahaha!
https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/539232748410765312
Number of times Bill has tweeted the F bomb in the last 4 days: 40
That’s all? It seemed like so many more than that.
Groan.
How much crap can a horse crap?
About 15 ST (Schmalfeldt-Tupperwares). (I hereby nominate this to the SI weights and standards committee as the basic unit of crap measurement.
Without seeing the exact context, I am not sure how to interpret the “other cheek” if said by BS.
Check out his timeline (but, consider yourself forewarned).
The Deranged Cyberstalker has tweeted a pic of both of them.
What a nasty, disgusting pig.
Copy that to the cops, stat!
As I said on the other thread:
And if he’s already made a police report, can he really drop the whole thing that easily?
The police report is going no where and he knows it. Hence his offer. Like one of the lawyers he asked for advice noted, law enforcement will not waste resources on a one-off like this, with the only chance being if the offender being clearly known (and even then, probably not much would happen).
Um, is he talking about himself? I get so confused.
“But you don’t fight fair. You throw a handful of shit and then whine like kittens when it gets thrown back at you. You’re no fun.”
FUN is all we have, Bill, to quote the Amazing Krendler!
Pro tip:
Don’t open any packages from Sierra Leone.
https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/539194587814707201
THIS.
Its bad enough that he’s been ranting about it for two days, but he keeps showing the picture over and over again!!!! Its like stubbing your toe, getting mad at the coffee table, and kicking it over and over to show how angry you are. Reminds me of an old joke about a randy bear where the punchline is “you ain’t in this for the huntin’, are you?”
What has been seen can’t be unseen….
I’m totes suing that fatass bastard for retinal damage (Schmalswanz twitter pic).
I know, right?
Bill Schmalfeldt is such a gross and foul creature.
Of course the pic of his face (flipping off the camera) and the one of his ample arse look remarkably similar. The only difference between the two?
The middle fingers.
Same pasty, pockmarked, visibly dirty skin…
Yup, yer right.
Can’t tell if he’s arriving, or leaving…
https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/539238357185089536
Always, always, ALWAYS with the butt stuff . . .
“… but i haven’t lied to you yet.”
Lying ass.
And, Blob can safely rest assured that is precisely how he will be remembered — forever and ever and ever and ever…
… A BIG, FAT, NASTY, DESPICABLE ASS.
Perhaps when a Snickers bar hits the floor, his captive nurse should retrieve it. He injures himself regularly with candy these days,
He shows that ass and has the nerve to accuse other people of being fat? Wow, hardly pot meet kettle, more like cast iron meet stainless steel! (And he’s no steel.)
It’s like 800lbs of fail kelbasa stuffed in a 5lb skin….
No offense to any kelbasa out there….
Hey, when did the creeptastic loser get a house? Seems to believe he has one… keeps tweeting about it… hahahaha
there’s a hitch..
To be fair, isn’t there two hitches?
Oh my goodness… been laughing sooooo much all weekend over this, and the comments y’all have posted… didn’t think I had any more laughing in me. Then I saw this:
https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/539217008211275777
LOL LOL LOL Seriously! LOL LOL LOL Does anyone have even the faintestt glimmer of belief there was ever a chance that was not his life plan/goal? hahahaha You know for the rest of his days that will be his ongoing and final failure! hahahaha
Laughing so much here I forgot to mention that we all saw the card he posted which contained what appeared to be a case number, as well as his tweets about having LE visit and filing a report/complaint. Yeah, after he files a complaint, if someone (falsely) admits to doing what he likely did all by his (ever so constantly) lonesome, he’ll wave his magic wand and make it go away, all-powerful troll that he is… hahahahahaha
How can anyone be that stupid and still manage to actually type out dozens (maybe hundreds!) of tweets every day. hahahahaha
notice that the email address was greyed out – another forgery?
OH MY! I should have kept reading… we got yet another tearful goodbye rant. So, where does the pool stand now? Has anyone taken Friday yet? hahahaha
Reblogged this on A Conservative Christian Man.
If we are all apologizing to him, let me add mine. i once thought he had a shred of human decency. I was wrong. I apologize.
I also thought for a split second he was an honest seeker of truth, or at least might be. It was like June, 2012. I apologize.
I also thought he could be lifted by an industrial elevator. I was wrong, he is too heavy. I apologize.
Whenever I feel that we piled on him too much, then I remember the stuff he said about your wife and that he is still harassing Mrs Stranahan over the death of her daughter and am going to constantly remind the courts of it soon
*sniff sniff*
That was beautiful, Aaron. Just heartfelt and beautiful.
Looks like The Liberal Grouch @cbparodyrecords is gone.
But Bill Schmalfeldt @CabinBoyBilly is up!
SMFH
What a twatwaffle …
Someone obviously didn’t want Vanderbilt to have unfettered access to it this morning..
i’m sure there are multiple captures of his entire TL including all his disgusting lies and insults that can be provided to Vanderbilt.
yeah but its disappearance is both suspicious, fortuitous, and interesting because he may have forged a police document – that handwriting on that police card looks very suspicious and why the greyed out email address when the phone number and the case number are there?
They also would have been told to come down and file an official complaint under oath
Yep.
I’m reasonably certain that at least one alumnus has backed up a great deal of his web droppings.
Also, the Cabin Boy™ hasn’t taken down anything from iTunes or Amazon. Yet.
We interrupt this regularly scheduled disappearance of the Cabinboy to report his dissappearance
Interestingly enough, Cabin Boy started the new twitter account on Thursday. Looks like he was planning on disappearing.
How……..convenient.
I have the audio of his phone call to me when the container arrived – this was before all his tweets of threats he was joyful and giddy – not the honor of my wife fueled rage – which I am thinking even more that this was all planned by him – if LE investigates it will be turned over to them immediately
When its played in court he will be thoroughly discredited, I cannot imagine him reconciling that giddy gleeful tone to a judge and a jury or a DA or a US attorney or the high magistrate of the Imperial Amazon Justice League and bus pass office…
Why does this not surprise me in the least. Joyful and giddy over receiving the bucket-o-horsepoop. Then once he didn’t get the response he expected, explosive rage.
I say this with all sincerity, his dementia, PD driven or not, is getting worse by the hour. I am beginning to worry about his health. But that won’t stop me from mocking him. lol
He is deranged.
“He is deranged.”
Was he ever ranged?
We also know that he is fully and completely crepit.
It’s a good thing Cousin Bill fell on his head…
…he might have been injured, otherwise!
Please note the email address used for the new account. Suggests that this weekend was all a setup.
https://twitter.com/CabinBoyBilly/status/538333705245564929
Wow. Nice catch, Minemyown.
Smells like… BS.
I noticed that on Friday and was curious why anybody would use such an email address. Then the sh@t storm hit.
EPWJ wrote: “yeah but its disappearance is both suspicious, fortuitous, and interesting because he may have forged a police document – that handwriting on that police card looks very suspicious and why the greyed out email address when the phone number and the case number are there?
They also would have been told to come down and file an official complaint under oath”
Forgery? Forgery? Say it ain’t so. /sarc
Blob also greyed-out the Officer’s name who supposedly took his complaint. *hmm* It would be very, very interesting to get a look-see at that police report (if one exists, of course).
http://www.howardcountymd.gov/WorkArea/DownloadAsset.aspx?id=6442461520
I am put in mind of the lyrics to Baba O’Reilly by the Who (slightly paraphrased for comedic effect):
It’s only Schmalfeldt wasteland;
It’s only Schmalfeldt wasteland;
It’s only Schmalfeldt wasteland;
It’s only Schmalfeldt wasteland; it’s wasted!
although I like it better in the German version on EMI records … sounds very snarl-y and guttural.
Darn tetchy mouse!
Es ist nur Schmalfeldt Ödland;
Es ist nur Schmalfeldt Ödland;
Es ist nur Schmalfeldt Ödland;
Es ist nur Schmalfeldt Ödland; es verschwendet!
I notice he just “squished a troll” for the unpardonable sin of actually retweeting one of his tweets. Now what kind of sane person considers a retweet a troll? Bill’s kind of person. Unbalanced, unloved, unsmart.
Heh.
Yeah. With only five followers, one would think the dummy would be happy someone actually bothered to look at his timeline, and bothered to retweet him. I’d wager that one retweet was the most action his mentions have seen on that account.
And, the only way Blob could “squish” someone would be if he were to sit on them. 😉
Because bil realizes that, and I quote: “The best way to discredit Bill Schmalfeldt, is to quote Bill Schmalfeldt.” ~ Ken “Popehat” White (IIRC).
*psst* Stacy McCain. 🙂
And, truer words have never been spoken (written).
That was R.S. McCain. Ken White wrote at http://www.popehat.com/2013/08/06/true-threats-true-incitement-or-truly-crazy-the-rhetoric-of-deranged-cyberstalker-bill-schmalfeldt/
“Does that seem inconsistent? It’s easier to reconcile when you realize this: Bill Schmalfeldt doesn’t have principles. Bill Schmalfeldt doesn’t have values. Bill Schmalfeldt doesn’t have beliefs. Bill Schmalfeldt has enemies, and then nothing, a black and dank and empty void of sullenness. That’s how he can say things like this without recognizing the irony:”
Just as true, not as pithy.
Figures that the Elkridge Horror went to an offshore producer when he could have bought American Made.
In honor of Black Friday the makers of Cards Against Humanity, an irreverent “Mad Libs”-style card game, have taken all items off their online store and replaced them with “BS.” Yes, literal bovine excrement.
The company sent subscribers an email with the headline, “here comes poop,” to announce the sale. The product, which comes in a custom box, is being marketed as a fertilizer or a way to “surprise a loved one with the gift of poop.”
Cabin Boy’s immense volume of faux outrage would only encourage a repeat shipment of even more ….if someone other than Cabin Boy himself had shipped it.