Prevarication Du Jour

CBPR201411292034Z

Here’s the instructions from the West Virginia Department of Agriculture on submitting manure samples for analysis. (Emphasis added.)

Manure will expand as it travels to the manure lab, so never fill the jar to the top and make sure that the lid is screwed on tightly. Complete the submission form, sample date, producer name and address, manure type and storage type. This information is important for the lab. Mail sample as soon as collected or freeze the sample until it is mailed. Do not leave a sample at room temperature; the nutrient composition will change due to microbial action. To avoid the samples sitting in the post office over a weekend, mail samples on a Monday or Tuesday.

Indeed, U. S. Postal Regulation do permit the mailing of such biological materials as long as they are not infectious.

See 346.12 at http://pe.usps.com/text/pub52/pub52c3_023.htm#ep925060. International regulations also permit such mail.

UPDATE—I see that the Cabin Boy™ is tweeting various demands for apologies and is threatening criminal charges unless they are received. Perhaps he should review Maryland Criminal Law § 3-701 et seq., especially § 3-706, before he goes much further.

UPDATE 2—Keep Stop digging, Cabin Boy™.

83 thoughts on “Prevarication Du Jour


  1. There are several US based companies that will send dog or other animal poop as a “gift”. One of them sends the stuff vacuum packed. I would assume that if it were illegal, they would have been out of business very, very quickly.


    • All I send is brownies, cookies, stuff for family and the troops, now I’m going back to getting things done.

      I have found it to be the case that people who demand things on twitter to usually not get them and they usually don’t expect them.

      And whoever sent me the instant message that were those his mother’s ashes should be ashamed of themselves….


  2. Bill,
    You need to turn over all material immediately to the FBI, the postmaster general, the customs enforcement and your local police today and stop with this silly coercive attempt to contact me.

    Do not contact me again, quit calling my house and whining on the phone, its sad and unmanly.


      • “Either prove to a judge you didn’t do it, or get this whole beef shoved up your ass.” — Bill Schmalfeldt

        Somehow, the concept of innocent until proven guilty has not sunk in. I mean, I’d be pissed off too, but he’s not really dealing well. If someone (theoretically) just wanted him to dance the dance of the monkeys, mission accomplished.


    • Hes so dang dumb- if he just tossed in the the trash and stayed radio silent about it, whoever sent it would be denied the Schmeltdown it inevitably bought. Heck, whoever sent it might have even grown frustrated and outed herself (oops!!! I mean himself . . . or did I?) trying to determine if it ever got to Elkridge. But no, dance, monkey dance. He’s just so BAD at the Internet trolling game.


  3. Among other delusions, Shakey seems to think the sender is someone other than the declared one that he has clearly identified.

    Fill in the blank, Blob. “A package mailed from Slovakia was mailed by someone in _________.”


  4. An open challenge to The Elkridge Horror:

    Once again your alligator mouth has overloaded your mayonnaise filled hummingbird ass! You claim that sending “shit” or manure through the U.S. Mail is a felony. As president and Sr.. Partner of Acme Law, you had better be able to cite specific statutory law of Maryland and the federal government or you will be laughed out of town again. Since the law is settled, this is once again solid proof that you are nothing more than a LIAR!

    You are called out, Shakey!


    • Its actually only a misdemeanor unless its done with an intent to injure. And even then, as long as its sealed properly, its not even a crime. I wish I could eavesdrop on the line when he calls the postal inspector. Its going to be hilarious!


  5. See, this is why I like reading Hogewash! It’s educational.

    I mean, I’ve learned things I never ever would have learned anywhere else. Bitcoin = Eastern European poop. Who’da thunkit?


  6. https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/538810734483087361

    From the right wing crazies at the daily Kos:

    Anyone wondering why this troll (11+ / 0-)
    was banned the first time should read this

    He posts stupid attempts at humor, often offensive, and gets pissy when he is not heralded as a comedic genius.

    When Tree Climbers objected to the language of the POS excerpted above, merely asking for a trigger warning, he mocked them and tried to “out” their charity.

    Cried about it in another diary as well.

    This is also his third uid here. I forget the other one, and I have better things to do than go looking for it.

    If you are not gone bu sundown, consider yourself HOS.

    Forward. Onward.

    by Free Jazz at High Noon on Sun Jul 21, 2013 at 03:56:03 PM PDT

    Yep, and I actually tried
    to defend him (was worried he was ill) in this one.

    http://www.dailykos.com/

    He was horrible in the comments and deserves no mercy this go round.

    by AnnetteK on Sun Jul 21, 2013 at 03:59:09 PM PDT

    ha. i tried to reason w/ him at one point.
    i recall he wanted to do a story on a fellow kossack (something about exposing things at her place of work). he harassed and pressured her, and clearly ‘stalked’ her. demeaned her…because she wouldn’t give him the story that would likely elevate him to the levels of woodward/bernstein…or something.

    creepy

    by shesaid on Sun Jul 21, 2013 at 04:13:33 PM PDT

    http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/07/21/1225447/-When-Did-Franz-Kafka-Start-Writing-My-Life#comments

    Should I continue? There’s a lot more where that came from.

    Face it Bill, nobody likes you.


    • “ha. i tried to reason w/ him at one point. i recall he wanted to do a story on a fellow kossack (SOMETHING ABOUT EXPOSING THINGS AT HER PLACE OF WORK). HE HARASSED AND PRESSURED HER, AND CLEARLY “STALKED” HER. DEMEANED HER…BECAUSE SHE WOULDNT GIVE HIM THE STORY THAT WOULD LIKELY ELEVATE HIM TO LEVELS OF WOODWARD/BERNSTEIN…or something.”

      And, the beat goes on…

      Ahh, yes. The Deranged Cyberstalker, Adjudicated (and, Admitted) Harasser, Adjudicated Stalker, and Demented Freak Bill Schmalfeldt is so loved and so admired by so many.


  7. Please don’t supply His Immensity with anything he is already producing enough of.

    He has military training you wouldn’t believe — while most Marines were going out the back of CH-46’s he was going out the back of Army CH-47’s! Where mere mortals stare in wonder from the ground he was extracted by SPIES (Special Purpose Insertion/Extraction System) from the bottom of UH-1’s. He stormed a beach with an Marine amphibious unit UNARMED……… He dodged DEATH from a WP (White Phosphorous) grenade that was mistaken for a practice grenade by a Marine Sergeant. (The only way I believe that last one is if the Marine NCO was drunk, had his hand broken by a hammer and relied on Bill to hand him the grenade).

    But he also ran the TV station on a guided missile destroyer! And he ran one on a carrier too!

    So which lies are we to believe Bill? Where did you find the time to do all that with the Marines while assigned to a DDG and a CVA? What beaches did you hit UNARMED? What conflict was that during?

    Or are you trying to up your stories and make a otherwise routine (and honorable) career more “exciting” or “sexy”? Do your lies extend to making yourself something your not?

    What was your rating in the Navy? Where were you deployed? If you were deployed with Marine units which ones? What ships did you serve on other than the USS Recruit or USS Blue Jacket?


      • IF anything like that happend (and since the repulsive freak claims it did, that’s very good evidence it didn’t), one has to wonder if it was deliberate…


      • That has always puzzled me, he got out as a HM–Navy was undermanned in HM’s during the 70’s and 80’s–then reenlisted as a JO–JO’s where always over-manned. I do not understand the Navy letting a trained HM reenlist as a JO.


        • I’m sure there are some interesting answers to those questions in his 201 file. It may have happened because there was a lapse between the two enlistments.


    • He is trying (and failing) to match my imaginary career as a retired Brigadier General. I was never prosecuted for that but it was (and is) a disgraceful chapter in my sordid criminal past. My past is worse than my Wikipedia entry would lead you to believe. And it is rife with errors as a pal of Neal Rauhauser is the fellow who wrote and maintains the entry (Howard Berkowitz). He was someone I knew when I was operating in Iraq and Kuwait and felt sorry for. I offered his a consulting contract but his Aspergers wouldn’t let him sign and fax back the agreement. Instead he contracted with Neal to do some of the work and put in several hundred hours of work sans signed contract and without authorisation. He hammered me for payment for his time and costs but I couldn’t get the payment authorised without a signed contract. Little did I know he was acting out of desperation as his house was in foreclosure and the money was the only way he could stave of an auction and pay his note to current status. He lost the house (I even attempted to get a loan of $30K to send him but as I was in Kuwait with all my own money invested in the venture, I couldn’t pull it off in thr three days available to save his home. So, the Wikipedia entry is skewed and contains provable falsehoods but my past activities were worse than depicted.
      Did I mention I am a convicted federal felon? Two counts of Bank Fraud and four counts of Uttering Fraudulent Securities. Sentenced to 42 months of imprisonment (15% off for good behavior) with credit for time already served in pretrial detention followed by five years supervised release (which expires at 11:59:59 PM on February 28, 2015). All in exchange for a guilty plea.


  8. Yes Bill, the “feds” contact Eric and then he shows them your TL where you admit you don’t really know that he did it and have no evidence.

    Yep, that will go over well.


  9. “I was a fed. I will talk with feds. Fed to fed. ” — Bill Schmalfeldt. This is a very unique understanding of the word “fed.” If the feds are in the outer lobby of your office, do you expect a group of public relations professionals or armed ATF/FBI agents?

    Yes, it was a stupid prank. Bad, boy! Whoever did it. Don’t call him and ask him about Prince Albert in a can. Also not funny. Please leave the real life Bill Schmalfeldt alone. Now, the Twitter guy? Blog away, my friends.


  10. Someone with multiple open restraining orders, in several states, a recent humiliating federal mediation where they were ordered to remove material from the internet, someone who has made thousands of threats on twitter, audio rape fantasies involving young children, associations with violent felons, who forgets that a well respected former federal prosecutor wrote a scathing report on, is going to be heavily scrutinized as well.


    • A simple Google search will tell anyone what they need to know about such products.

      “Bill the Fed” is being a royal, drama queen, and I’d wager his “fellow” feds will be none too humored if the big dummy carries through on his ridiculous threats.

      It was a prank. A joke. EXACTLY what such products claim to be. And, it’s not an “injurious material.” It’s MANURE. Again… it’s a gag. In poor taste? To each their own. But, it’s harmless (although I wouldn’t suggest Blob consume it).

      But, in true Schmalfeldt fashion… shameless exaggeration and theatrics is the order of the day.


  11. I sincerely doubt that the real Feds give a crap about mailed horse poop. I am also pretty sure that the most they will do about “false reviews” is laugh hysterically.

    Seriously, Bill is working himself up to a stroke or a heart attack. He really needs to calm down, put the computer away, and put on a comedy of some sort. And assuming he hasn’t managed to kill or at least hospitalize himself by Monday morning, I’m sure by now Eric has plenty of grounds for adding yet another state to Bill’s growing list of “Leave this person and their family alone, or go to jail” orders.


  12. Man is he frightened to death of these doctors finding out he is making stuff that he really doesn’t want them to hear..


    • Yup thanks to the mayo king we have names of all his docs plus the Vanderbilt contacts. Full packages with screen shots, links and time lines are going out Monday morning


      • Don’t forget to screencap the tweets where he challenges everybody to contact the people down there.

        I’m sure they’ll appreciate that.


  13. Say, it wasn’t any kind of pony poop was it? just curious, asking for a friend of a friend and all that. trying to make sure I don’t need to add something to my schedule for next year to go back and doo last week.


  14. Who is to say that someone on Team Kimberlin is not the person who sent the manure? They sure seem to know how to play him!


    • Mea Culpa!

      My remarks were predicated on the assumption that someone actually sent Bill Schmalfeldt a tub of horseshit in a package from Slovakia. That was just an assumption. The only thing I know for sure is that Bill Schmalfeldt is a particularly shameless liar. My null hypothesis is that Bill Schmalfeldt is lying until proven otherwise. In this case, I don’t see how Bill Schmalfeldt could prove otherwise. Even if he produced a photograph of the package, and, a photograph of the tub of horse manure, I’d have no way of knowing whether, or not, the tub of horse manure had been in the package when shipped. Bill Schmalfeldt should reread “The Boy Who Cried ‘Wolf.'” It has a lot of relevance to his current situation.

      I find it odd that soon after EPWJ reported that a comment about Bill Schmalfeldt that he did not write had been posted under his penname this incident has occurred. I smell a certain odor, but, it is not horseshit. I have a suspect, but, I’m not ready to say.

      Not ready.
      Not ready.
      Not ready.


      • at one point he had a fake review in my name on the back of his troll louse cookies book and in the “about the author” section” which according to Amazon – only he has control over he wrote something in my name.

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