I’m Not Making This Up, You Know

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The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt™ is threatening yet another bit of vexatious legal nonsense.AnotherLawsuitAnd he’s being oh so coy and clever in redacting the names of who he’s threatening.My NameOnce again, we see sloppy legal advice from Acme Law leading someone astray. TDPS is forgetting to include mopery with intent to lurk as a cause of action.

The U. S. District Court is closed today, so I guess we’ll have to wait until Monday to find out how much of a fool the Cabin Boy™ will make of himself this time.

UPDATE—I’ve been reviewing the abortive lawsuit that TDPS filed against me and nine others back in May. I wonder if he has enough sense to avoid allegation like this in the new suit he’s threatening to file?WMSvWJJH ECF 1-19After all, the Cabin Boy™ has now added Adjudicated Stalker to his list of awards.

BTW, I notice that many folks refer to TDPS by Stacy McCain’s appellation for him “Deranged Cyberstalker.” That’s fitting and accurate, but let me remind those people of the term used by Popehat. “Demented Freak.” It has much to recommend it.

131 thoughts on “I’m Not Making This Up, You Know”


  4. Who will drive Schmalfeldt to the courthouse if Kimberlin is in jail?
    Who will Kimberlin get to harass people if Schmalfeldt is in jail?

    It’s all so confusing!

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    • Also not Neal Rauhauser. Besides his drivers license having been revoked and his recent aversion to courthouses, Rauhauser has been MIA on so many of Brett’s causes for much of this year.

      From the looks of it, Matt Osborne won’t even bother writing about what BS and Brett are up to. He used to run interference for them on a near weekly basis, but he’s been almost silent on it lately. I’d like to think it’s because he realized the error of his ways, but if that were true, he would have to repent and make amends to his victims; no sign of this has ever been forthcoming. Which he should be reminded regularly.

      I would also expect no help from Melissa Brewer, who lives in the DC area and used to shill for Brett and Neal online (since the two literally were harassing so many people that they couldn’t do ot all themselves – they had to bring in several outsiders like her to help place SWATting calls, run twitter accounts, etc). Actually her situation is a little like Matt – mostly dropped off the scene, but apparently not interested in apologizing for her behavior in 2013.

      I nominate Kevin Zeese to drive the Cabin Boy around. Zeese seems to like frivolous legal complaints and Brett Kimberlin causes. So he should own it and get his hands dirty. And quit praising himself all over twitter and protest meetups.

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      • And yet Zeese won’t help Kimberlin in any of Kimberlin’s legal shenanigans. I wonder why a lawyer so close to Kimberlin won’t help Kimberlin. Maybe because a real lawyer knows what’s possible and what’s not?

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      • He has repeatedly failed to answer for his behavior even when directly confronted. He’s not too busy to write twitter posts praising childish vexatious litigant Sue Basko, but he was too busy to answer a direct yes/no question about whether he was licensed to practice law at the time he wrote frivolous a frivolous threatening lettwr to help Brett out.

        Kevin Zeese could also get to the bottom of the huge amount if scammy looking activities around Brett’s “charities, ” but so far, crickets.

        Kevin B. Zeese should take a break from pretending he’s a protest cause celebre, and do some reak work. If he likes vexatious litigation so much, he needs to outright own it loud and proud and start driving the Cabin Boy around immediately. Afterwards, if he still has time, he can make posts on twitter congratulating himself for being such a free speech activist.

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  5. I suspect he posted the entirety of the document. At this point, I doubt there is a page 2. It’s bluster and show designed to intimidate people.

    Somehow, I don’t think anyone will be.

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  6. he left this review of his own work:

    Editorial Reviews

    About the Author

    William M. Schmalfeldt, Sr. is everything his detractors say he is. You should not believe a word he says. He posts pictures of young girls on blogs, and he forces them to eat bits of brain for the entertainment of the New World Order and their Black Helicopters. He once dug up a dead baby, put it into a gaily wrapped Christmas Present box, handed it to the baby’s father who screamed and fainted when he opened the box to see the loathsome package within. While he lay there on the floor, unconscious, Schmalfeldt tore the dead baby into small pieces and crammed it down the father’s throat and the grieving mother stood there weeping. He has also written some books and audiobooks and stuff. –EPWJ

    I didn’t write that btw

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  8. By the way, a certain “comedian, satirist, and progressive outlaw,” producer of numerous books, CDs and other products, had better not claim he is “indigent” this time…. Funny how someone can file a vexatious lawsuit without paying the filing fee, use it to harass people, then drop the whole thing later and state that no refund is needed. If someone did that more than once, that would sure look like a pattern of using the courts improperly to harass.

    I also think that the plethora of comments over the past few years along the lines of owning everything others have, driving no them to the poorhouse, using up inheritances, sure sounds like someone wants to sue anybody just to get ready rich quick, or try to.

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  10. The Amazon federal police on the recommendation of the Du JOurnalism school Bored of Regents, has issued subpoenas and summary executions of those who stand in the way of People who set bombs at childrens events while holding down 14 year old Ukrainians for love and romance.

    Furthermore the imperious order of the Most High Doxycologists and Freedom society of the Deniers of the one true truth has declared that as long as a real boy scout isn’t really raped – that the world wide solicitation for the excitement and titillation of the salacious special event of raping boy scouts under the age of ten is an intraconstutional, protected Superior free speech as thus declared under the powers of the special tribunal convened by the council of veterans of the great Commando Marine Seal Special Forces of the Lebanon event of 1978, and all holders of the 5th Gallon Blue Seal Order of the Common Egg White. Vinegar and Xanthium Gum.

    All property, small babies, wives shall be turned over to the nearest trailer park reception hall next to the delusory sagging one chain swing set garnished with a broken slide, a moldy picnic bench and the obligatory burned out Nissan used as a barbeque.

    You were warned that the silly document that said you had rights was not meant for you but only for others.

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  12. He does remember that as a public figure–Broadway Bill Schmalfeldt of XM radio(google it)–that he will not be able to prove False Light Invasion of Privacy, Defamation or Libel Per Se. As for Harassment, Conspiracy to commit Harassment nobody is contacting, or going to his home, or place business, so that is a no go. As for trade libel no one is competing with him and so profiting from any alleged trade libel.

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    • We’re occasionally poking fun at a “humorist” whose CD’s are marketed worldwide. Pointing out when his comedy crosses fairly obvious lines of decency. Is he able to take it? ‘Cause if you can’t take criticism for your comedy and your writing, step away from the keyboard/microphone. One minute he’s a big boy threatening with his “arsenal” and the next, claiming victimhood because of internet criticism.

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  14. This excellent news! William’s lawsuits are joyous reading that could possibly bring humanity together with the sheer power of their of their hilarity! This is a man who wishes to be regarded as a legal ninja, yet doesn’t take the time to ensure that his own surname isn’t misspelled in his own complaints. Therein everything you need to know about William’s “reputation.”

    After his legal antics of the last nine months or so – filing and withdrawing both a lawsuit and a peace order, combined with the copyright nonsense – the chances of a pauper filing being approved are only slightly north of zero.

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  15. Its just amazing that he can say terrible things about people non-stop – he can make audio CD’s of real people and make terrible statements about them – but leave a review that he doesn’t like and it causes him great harm. So by his own admission on Amazon he is admitting to causing people great harm deliberately by being critical.

    What….an…..cowardly…….idiot……

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  16. Ah here’s a wonderful gem, one that I have the full screen cap along with almost 5,000 tweets and webpages of:

    From Twitter id number 71

    WMS Radio Network
    Now, all of a sudden, because a book makes him look like the sick twisted turd, I believe him to be, now he is concerned with copyright

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  17. Something he left on malones blog: Something that is going to hurt

    “I’m evil because I thought that some of Stranahan’s rape fantasy photographic subjects looked to young”

    “As a matter of fact, forget Stranahan. He is a nobody, a fraud, a grafter, a liar, and anyone with open eyes and an open mind can see for himself that he sold his wife’s “virtue”..”

    There are just sooo many many many many more…..

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  18. Criminal charges for sending material of a patient of theirs – his own words – is a criminal act? Really? I thought when he posted them in this TL, he was wanting the publicity, now he is begging pleading crying begging for me not to or he is going to like hold his breath or something.

    Dr Gill is another person he has involked in his lawfare, seems like perhaps that good doctor wouldn’t want his name mentioned by someone who has an evolving status on child porn.

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  19. Congratulations to EPWJ!

    I have it from “competent authorities” (SWIDT?) that the Board of Regents at Zombie State University will soon be voting on a proposal to confer upon you the title Honorary Organ Grinder. Naturally the title comes with a degree and you would also receive a Masters in Monkeydance Manipulation.

    I have from a source on the board that the vote will be unanimous.

    So once again, congrats!

    I will see you at Commencement in May!

    Reply ↓

  20. William seems to think that anyone still sees his dire warnings about torts, crime and punishment as anything other than a self-beclowning exercise in unintentional comedy.

    That’s either the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen, a symptom of serious mental illness, or both.

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  21. Are the Amazon Federal police going to arrive by Drone? That would be so cool!

    All his tweets just now forwarded to:

    Howard Co Sheriff’s Office
    Dr Gill
    Dr Charles
    Vanderbilts weekend and holiday Hotline for the recently stimulated
    Amazon, hall of Justice, – unsold division
    Butthurt Research Associates – falling behind in finding the cure donate today!

    Got to get somethings done today – moving assets offshore – preparing wife and children for a life of slavery..

    Reply ↓

  22. “When you think everything is someone else’s fault, you will suffer a lot. When you realize that everything springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy.” – Dalai Lama

    There is a quote poor pathetic Bill should take to heart.

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  23. The previous legal opus by Bill Schmalfeldt was very interesting reading, but then was withdrawn. I wonder if someone has a link to it, because I really think the new one will be based upon the first. Of course we are just days away from fresh, new blather.

    Again, the man is a public person. He has deliberately tried to make himself famous by attempting to produce rip snorting comedy and cutting edge progressive commentary. He is best remembered for anal rape fantasies involving uncooperative women and underage boy scouts. Still, he has MADE himself a legitimate target for criticism.

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  24. Somebody needs to buy a Green Dot card (with cash,) create a sock Amazon account, and buy Shaky’s latest ode to mental illness as a gift for Drs. Charles and Gill. Merry Christmas!!!! I mean, if he’s proud of his work, he should be thrilled, right!

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  26. Epic twitter meltdown… and I will tell the Fire Chief!! and I will tell the TV stations! and… and your church!!! and the gas station attendant!! and if I could afford it I will take out an advertisement in your penny mailer and tell people how you drown kittens in your bathtub!! and….. and…… ooooooooooo you make me so angry!!

    Reply ↓

    • Yep. Schmeltdown in progress.

      Doesn’t he have anything else to do except scan the internet for his name and then throw a tantrum? It’s like every day, the same thing, over and over. Take a vacation, Bill. Go to Cancun, sit on the beach for a while, drink a cocktail with an umbrella.

      Reply ↓

      • Nice thought… but, considering Blob can’t even manage to roll his gelatinous arse down to his local courthouse to face a judge — and, the victim he sought a bogus Peace Order against… my guess is Cancun would be an impossible stretch.

        And, it’s probably difficult to remember — what with all of his screeching about filing one LOLsuit-after-another against EVERYONE, and, the plethora of blogs/radio stations/CDs/books/audiobooks/etc. fees Mr. SchmalFAIL continues to waste money on…

        … but, The Elkridge Horror is INDIGENT!!!ELEVENTY!!1!1!, donchaknow?

        #DementedFreak

        Reply ↓

  28. https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/538408131693645825

    From the “right wing nut jobs” at the Daily Kos:

    I’m surprised at how long this diary is (2+ / 0-)
    given it seems to have been written by a 14 year old, using one hand.

    Sigh. Where to begin…

    First of all, the misandrist stereotypes of straight men… that they are stupid. That they are bumbling cretins in the bedroom. That the only anal sex they desire is to be on the giving end of an anal rape.

    I would tell you that instead of putting up such a gratuitously graphic, rude, and factually inaccurate piece of rubbish on Daily Kos, to take this diary to ErosBlog, but Bacchus is far more of a gentleman, a scholar, and a grown up, and he’d kick your ass sideways far, far better than I could for such juvenile tripe.

    As it is, as a sex-positive grown up, you’ve earned my HR, for the above reasons.

    “Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.” ― Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man Political Compass: -8.50, -6.46

    by Cinnamon on Fri May 18, 2012 at 06:37:39 AM PDT

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  32. Bill Schmalfeldt is almost never “clever” or “coy.”

    The reasonable explanation is that Bill Schmalfeldt is afraid to post the first redacted defendant’s names because of the current peace orders against him.

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  33. Food for thought:

    Court Hearings-

    Tennessee law permits the use of still photography and audio and video recording devices in “any trial, hearing, argument on appeal, or other matter held in open court that the public is entittled to attend.” Tenn. Sup. Ct. R. 30(B)(3). Consent of the parties is not required except for juvenile court proceedings. A media request should be submitted two days before the proceeding and these requests are subject to limitations imposed by the presiding judge. One such limitation is that of “pooling” in which a single media representative is permitted into the court on behalf of a number of media organizations; in a “pooling” circumstance, the media will select its representative to act as a liason for the proceeding. Tenn. Sup. Ct. R. 30(F)(2).

    And then posted to youtube………

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  34. :
    The Liberal Grouch
    ‏@cbparodyrecords
    @alumembryriddle @mayberryville @twitty_bang I have a gay daughter and a gay nephew. Either one of them could kick your ass, “Howie.”
    0 replies 0 retweets 0 favorites
    Reply Retweet Favorite

    Are either of them on speaking terms with you, William?

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  35. It sounds like Bill just called the cops on Eric. Or he wants us to think that.

    cbparodyrecords 3:06pm via Twitter Web Client
    @mayberryville And please remember, what I just did I did out of Christian love and concern for your safety and that of others.
    cbparodyrecords 3:06pm via Twitter Web Client
    @mayberryville Get control of yourself, Eric. At the moment, you seem like you may be a danger to yourself or others.

    Reply ↓

      • I wonder what the penalties for improper use of the constabulary are in Tennessee? I have a sneaking suspicion that they are less than pleasant.

        I think that William is a Thanksgiving miracle, sent straight from heaven to make us forget the drudgery of our lives and give us a lifetime of smiles.

        Reply ↓

      • Making a False Report in Tennessee

        Three types of making a false report give rise to criminal liability in Tennessee. The first type makes it unlawful for anyone to initiate a report or statement to a law enforcement officer concerning an offense or incident within the officer’s concern knowing that either:

        The offense or incident did not occur; or
        The person has no information relating to the offense or incident reported; or
        The information relating to the offense reported is false.

        The second type involves the making of a report or statement in reponse to a legitimate inquiry by a law enforcement officer. The inquiry, however, must concern a material fact about an offense or incident within the officer’s concern for liability to attach. Further, the person is liable only if he or she knowingly gives a false report with the intent to obstruct or hinder the officer from:

        Preventing the offense or incident from occurring or continuing to occur; or
        Apprehending or locating another person suspected of committing an offense.

        The third type involves a person who intentionally initiates or circulates a report of a past, present, or impending bombing, fire or other emergency, knowing that the report is false or baseless and also knowing that:

        It will cause action of any sort by an official or volunteer agency organized to deal with those emergencies;
        It will place a person in fear of imminent serious bodily injury; or
        It will prevent or interrupt the occupation of any building, place of assembly, form of conveyance, or any other place to which the public has access.

        A violation of the first two false report types is a Class D felony. A violation of the latter type is a Class C felony.

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  36. “And really, how many more times do we have to read that stupid-ass “mopery with intent to lurk.”

    That’s the point, Squack Waste. You DON’T have to. But if you feel compelled, you then have no choice but to suck it up and realize we will write whatever we please about you.

    You huge MANGINA!

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    • On Amazon he wrote this trying to be funny edgy:

      Editorial Reviews

      About the Author

      William M. Schmalfeldt, Sr. is everything his detractors say he is. You should not believe a word he says. He posts pictures of young girls on blogs, and he forces them to eat bits of brain for the entertainment of the New World Order and their Black Helicopters. He once dug up a dead baby, put it into a gaily wrapped Christmas Present box, handed it to the baby’s father who screamed and fainted when he opened the box to see the loathsome package within. While he lay there on the floor, unconscious, Schmalfeldt tore the dead baby into small pieces and crammed it down the father’s throat and the grieving mother stood there weeping. He has also written some books and audiobooks and stuff. –EPWJ

      Reply ↓

  39. The Liberal Grouch
    ‏@cbparodyrecords
    Like a shark needs to keep swimming to live, Hoggy needs to keep harassing people or he’ll be even less relevant than he already is.
    0 replies 0 retweets 0 favorites
    Reply Retweet Favorite
    More
    3:45 PM – 28 Nov 2014

    When in doubt, go to the game tape.

    William involved himself in John’s life, not the other way around. John told William to stop and William refused because JOURNALISM! Thereupon, John got a peace order. then he got an extension. Then he sued William, who responded the most hysterical counterclaim in all of Christendom. William still involved himself in John’s life, so John got yet another peace order.

    Then the Causeys got a restraining order.

    Then Pat Grady got a stalking order.

    According to William, all of the above made him the victim of trickery and deceit. Over and over and over again, William presents himself as a victim of his own stupidity because, if he was telling the truth, he’d be offering testimony of how easily duped he is. In fact, he’s lying about how easily duped he is, which is even funnier.

    How can anyone feel that William isn’t the most compelling figure of modern times. No matter how often he steps on the rake, it always feels like the first time.

    If nothing else, Kimberlin didn’t blow himself up, something that’s well beyond William’s skill set.

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  40. *********
    The Liberal Grouch ‏@cbparodyrecords

    Gosh. Eric hasn’t tweeted since I called the… well, let’s just hope he’s OK. ********

    Sounds like a clear cut threat to me…. and an interstate threat no less.

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      • What a title! What a legacy! What a sterling reputation!

        Deranged Cyberstalker
        Adjudicated Harasser
        Adjudicated Stalker
        Demented Freak
        ADMITTED Harasser
        Etc., Etc., Etc.

        What a busy, busy Blob.

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  43. If William had any level of self-awareness at all, he’d be ashamed of how easy it for us to induce a Feldtdown in him.

    On the other hand, the old boy has stopped calling himself a journalist. And, to be fair, “comedian ” is far more appropriate. If he gets any more unhinged, hell be singing lead for Creed in no time!

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    • Not only induce a Feldtdown, but admitting in very plain terms he’s a harasser!

      He’s conviced he’s scared EPJW off the net, I guess he missed his earlier post just above.

      My God Bill’s clueless.

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  44. This is the kind of generic, vague accusation that shows he has nothing to stand on. Exactly when, screencaps please, have Hoge, Walker, McCain, Akbar, Causey, ever said anything derogatory or obscene about BS’s wife? You know, like calling her a whore, suggesting that he abuses her, etc.? Those people, not anonymous folks on the internet. I guess he falls in the category of “those who can’t.”

    https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/538448983228973056

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    • Insults? Meh. Maybe. I, moreso, look at it as expressing opinions based on a wealth of circumstantial evidence.

      Yes. I have referred to Gail as being “stupid” and/or “willfully naive.”

      I have also, on numerous occasions, expressed that I remain unconvinced that Gail is not complicit in the Blob’s harassment, stalking, threats, and abuse of good-and-decent people.

      Considering Gail lives full-time with The Elkridge Horror in a dwelling basically the size of a soup can — and, The Elkridge Horror quite obviously spends hours-upon-hours, every single day on the Internet harassing, stalking, threatening, and abusing good-and-decent people — even if she is not a participant… she most certainly is an enabler of her husband’s sociopathic behavior and antics.

      So sue me. Heh.

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  50. Ali Akbar:
    “He called my mother, someone who raised three boys all on her own, all while going to school and working full-time, a whore. She’s a veteran to this great country. She has achieved more in her life from less than Schmalfeldt could ever hope to achieve. That’s just being objective.”
    Bill Schmalfeldt
    @Lobotomy Radio
    What about La De Familia Akbar? Where’s daddy? What did mommy have to do to keep food on the table?
    5:51 PM 21 October 2013

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  52. Good grief. He’s taking shots at EPWJ about alleged drinking problems, and the dude is/was on Ambien, Klonopin, and Zoloft, while consuming 2 drinks per night, 3 on the weekends?! Since Mr. H doesn’t want excerpts here because it’s not in a tweet, link should appear shortly over at TMZ.

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  53. Why ever would anyone take the time to debate William on his history? Several courts of competent jurisdiction have already ruled on his conduct. Case closed.

    Reply ↓

    • Excellent point. I am not debating, I am creating a record. For “exhibits,” you see. In case someone needs a source to counter his “law suit.” Quotation marks are so much fun!

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  54. This is why he hates me: I remember what he’s said, and I produce links. Hard to pretend he’s a choirboy (oops, sorry, the Boy Scout “parody” is still fresh) when someone does that. I don’t call him names, or insult his family members. I never tweet or comment on his “blogs.” I don’t write reviews of his “books,” even though I’ve read some of them. I QUOTE HIM.

    Reply ↓

    • He can act like a choirboy all he wants. The court findings are there for anyone interested enough in finding them.

      How many people do you personally know that have had no less than four adjudicated findings on their behavior? I don’t know any. All William has to do is look in the mirror to find one.

      Much sadder is the fact that he glories in his own humiliations, has before any of us had heard of him, and continues seeking them out.

      On second thought, it would be sad were it not such a sensational spectacle.

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    • And I don’t even know about everyone else on that list, but other than the fact that yes, I could stand to lose weight (like some 2/3 of the population and himself), the condition he was mocking me about is NOT one I have.

      Interesting that a man who goes on and on about protecting “indigent” (did he perhaps mean incompetent?) adults from internet bullies, especially bullies who supposedly are going after him for his medical condition is at the same time bullying others over what he perceives to be their medical problems.

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    • Ah, but the really hilarious part of this is the obvious lies Brave Sir William had to tell to make himself the victim of harassment resulting from a comment far more tame (and also accurate) than 99.998% of the garbage he writes about others.

      First, note the date of Bill’s tweet: Feb 8. And the time of Grady’s comment? “Four month’s ago,” or the previous October. Very close to the publication of Stacy McCain’s original post, Bill Schmalfeldt Lies Again.

      I wonder why it took Bill so long to get pissed about that?

      And why did Bill choose to reproduce that particular tweet and none of the 20 or so that preceded it in his doxing of Grady.

      Yeah, I have those. I will probably post them at a later date, to help refresh Bill’s memory.

      And I also notice that Feb 8 falls in the Schmalfeldt Dead Period when Cabin Boy has maintained (for the benefit of his pal Karoli Kuns’ profile of his Great Right Wing Victimization) that he was inactive on Twitter. Of course, I’m sure that tweet has been memory-holed as surely as everything else from Jan 29 to Apr 20 was.

      So if he was inactive on Twitter, how could he have that tweet? Michael Malone already showed how he’s lied by saying he never deletes tweets, so how could he have been inactive in the dead period but have a tweet from when he doxed Grady during the dead period?

      Unless…perhaps…he lied about being inactive?

      And finally…I had to email Grady to get this last bit…take a close look at the avatar accompanying Grady’s comment. I asked him when it was taken.

      He checked his phone. December 8. 2013. In other words, the avatar photo at the time the comment was made was different than at the time the harassing stalker found the comment.

      Bill didn’t collect that comment until he was in mid-dox, in February, when he wasn’t on Twitter between February & mid-April (which would have looked very bad for Karoli) and couldn’t have doxed Grady at all, except he’s admitted multiple times to doing so while he wasn’t on Twitter or on a blog he completely deleted after deleting the dox posts and

      …MAN, AM I GETTING TIRED OF DOCUMENTING HIS LIES!

      Anyway, Bill’s a liar. He’s always been a liar, and he will continue to be a liar, putting the truth to Grady’s original comment at The Other McCain with every new rage-induced monkeydancing Feldtdown.

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  59. epwj and A Reader #1 are living rent free in someone’s adjoining penthouse apartments, low rent but still penthouse.

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