I Have Both

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The Cabin Boy™ seems amazed that some of the folks who’ve taken an interest in him have compiled a record of actual verifiable evidence concerning his antics.CBPR201411282235ZI have both. Of course, the vast majority of the Cabin Boy’s™ output has been electronic, but I have copies of books and CDs. There are paper versions of some of his selected web droppings, many of which were printed for use as evidence in court. I also have DVDs of some of his videos. Those DVDs were burned for use in peace order hearings, but were never used. They weren’t necessary. (Pro Tip: Once the judge agrees, shut up and let him rule in your favor.)

Time and again, Bill Schmalfeldt denies that he has said or done something—only to have documentary evidence produced showing the he did say or do what he denied. That body of evidence is his real online reputation. It has been carefully maintained. He had the right to remain silent, and, now, what he has said and done will be used against him in defense of his victims.

UPDATE—The Gentle Reader who would like to see a worked example of how backups of Bill Schmalfeldt’s old web droppings have been used to catch him in a lie can look here.

69 thoughts on “I Have Both”


  1. What a fool. He’s been harassing and abusing people for years. If someone has any interaction with him, and doesn’t screen-cap every single nasty thing he writes, that person is too gentle and naive to be allowed access to a keyboard.

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  3. And we have a new Feldtdown.

    So much for leftovers and “real people.” William’s as addicted to them as I am, god bless the old boy.

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  4. William M. Schmalfeldt is a liar. He thinks that removing his lies and libel from the Internet will remove any evidence of his criminal antics from the dock, but he is so terribly mistaken. Such is the efficacy of Acme Law as well as those who practice under its banner. Of course, Schmalfeldt’s narcissism coupled with his obsessive sexual perversities contribute significantly to his innate ability to provide all who traverse the Internet with admissible exhibits of his predelictions. In the end (intentional Freudian slip), the Elkridge Horror will earn his just rewards in a distant State or Federal prison, most likely in general population where there will be plenty of mayonnaise. SIC SEMPER TYRANNUS!

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    • A example of his constant lies…..
      [Quote]
      Tell me all the times you’ve jumped out of the back of a Huey into the ocean with a full pack.
      [Unquote]

      Anyone who has ever been in the service KNOWS that you can ONLY go out the side of a Huey, not the END!!

      LIAR

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    • So Bill….. What was your rating when you were in?

      Because if you were running the TV station and radio you were either an undesignated Seaman or possibly a PH…. maybe even a SH. But I doubt you ere doing anything with Marines except snapping pictures and trading patches.

      So your service in the Navy is admirable………..

      but everything you have been doing since then is not.

      That’s the problem.

      ***Plays B. Springsteens “Glory Days”****

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  6. This is a statement of profound wisdom.
    “Pro Tip: Once the judge agrees, shut up and let him rule in your favor.”
    I know lawyers that have been practicing for DECADES that do no accept the wisdom of that statement. You should sign up for Bar/BRI and take the exam sir. You are ready.

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  7. This is why his claims for invasion of privacy and defamation will fail: he does not understand the concepts. If one writes about one’s self in a public forum, broadcasts it over the Internet, it is public fodder. People can write, comment, critique, whatever. That person made it everybody’s business, if they choose. BS has been making derogatory cracks about people, such as RSM and EPWJ, claiming they have drinking problems and ridiculing them for that.
    https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/538502574908145664

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  8. I just went to his blog to read about all the naughty stuff you guys are doing. Naughty, naughty.

    Anyway, he said that he was making $97,000 a year as a G-13 at NIH in 2011. Let’s assume for a moment that’s true. A guy making $97,000 a year lives in a crappy single-wide trailer? And, the same guy, who was making $97,000 a year only three years ago and who is now retired is so broke that he can’t afford… nearly anything? If this is true, the guy is even more of an abject failure than I thought he was before. Schmalfail. Pathetic, really. What happened to all that dough, big shot?

    His “retirement” was probably more like him being canned for being a drug-abusing mean drunk. Klonopin, Ambien, Zoloft, and “big-boy juice,” Jeez Louise!

    Really… the man is wretched. Miserable. No wonder he’s such a contemptible, despicable low-life internet creep.

    By the way, I checked again, and I’m still not Chris Heather.

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      • It’s really not a mystery. He was not with the government long enough to get the full pension. A lot of his work years were in radio: Honest work, but not always lucrative. I don’t fault the guy for living in a double-wide. I do fault him for his continuing harassment of people. I also figure he’s also liable for the destruction of his own reputation. He claims it’s all the Lickspittles — but honestly, we’re the ones who know about him.

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  11. eh, is this a good time to mention Chinooks were exclusively army?

    Dr Grill and Dr Charles offices are going to be furiously googling Monday…

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    • The Marines had an underpowered version of the Chinook called the CH-46 Sea Knight. They got rid of the last one about 10 years ago. I’ve never heard a Marine call one a Chinook (or anything that can be repeated in polite company for that matter.)

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      • Clancy God rest his soul had mistaken 46’s and 47 with the 53 and people really need to see these copters up close side by side two of them are hugw and the 46 is skinny, smaller and is obviously the largest that can fit operationally on the navy ships.

        Marines don’t jump out of helicopters, they put out their cigars in their left hand and walk calmly out the back…

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  13. friend of mine just chimed in that anyone in the service knows the difference between the Boeing 6’s and 7’s -oh well –
    Also said – vertical extractions were not done in hueys either – not rated structurally – the navy used the kings for that

    *sigh*

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    • He’s been using the words “tw*ts” and “cu*ts” quite a bit tonight. Like a mysogynist. Just like decent folks don’t call people “ni**ers” if they’re black, I believe they don’t use those words, either, unless they enjoy the degradation of women.

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      • Be sure to wear gloves!!!!

        With Bill, you never know where that bat has been!

        Also, be sure to use lots and lots of hand sanitizer, especially if you see what appears to be mayonnaise. With Bill, you can never be sure!

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  15. … “carefully maintained Internet reputation”.

    ” Leeches, bitches, malcontent, unpatriotic whiners.
    Fuck you. And Merry Christmas. “

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  16. Interesting how he only considers stuff to count if he did it. I didn’t get to do all those exciting military things. (I have always had such bad knees and eyes they wouldn’t have taken me so I didn’t try.) I’m sure that many others who support the military didn’t consider it as an option because they knew they couldn’t meet the physical requirements. However, I spent years as a Navy wife, and never cheated on my husband, or even considered doing it, even when he was off on 6 month (or longer) Med runs, or having to stand duty every third night when in port. He needs to visit a subvets chapter and start talking about vets’ wives the way he tweets about us and see the reactions.

    It’s also interesting that he says that participating in the trial was the only decent thing he ever did. After telling everyone that, we’re supposed to applaud the rest of his life and bow down to his greatness, even though he obviously doesn’t think it was lived truly decently?

    And he needs to stop @-ing my twitter handle. He’s been told NOT to do it. It’s not like I @ed him.

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    • Those of us who did interesting jobs in the Navy know who we are therefore do not need to talk. I tell sea stories but none of them are about what I did, only about all the TDY jobs I did. I will say this the day I reported aboard ship there where only about 200 men in the Navy with my NEC–that is not counting the 45 at c-school– of which 160 where assigned to shipboard billets.

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  17. I have seen bad tacos that didn’t come back up this often! And those didn’t leave such a bad after-taste!

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  18. I am reminded of the wise words of the great Southern Sage, Mr. Ron White:

    “I had the right to remain silent… but I didn’t have the ability.”

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  20. Since he claims that his writing vindicate himself, if we take what he is saying seriously, he ought to be grateful to John Hoge for preserving his words for the ages.

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    • The Deranged Cyberstalker, Adjudicated (and, Admitted) Harasser, Adjudicated Stalker, and Demented Freak Bill Schmalfeldt is “OH! SO PROUD!” of all of his accomplishments…

      … until he’s not.

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      • I am not happy he fell and hurt himself – I take no joy in it.

        Bill, why don’t you do the right thing and delete that recording, and delete the stuff about Lee. Its the Christmas season and the best gift you can give yourself and your family is to stop with the personal stuff against people who are not public figures and remove all that stuff about Ali. You need to remove the albums about john and delete the books you never ever intended to sell but to harass.

        Republicans, Tea Party Mitt Romney et al if that isn’t enough out there for you then you need to think about why that isn’t enough.

        You are a public figure, you are going to made fun of – removing things that people are making fun of you about is a sign that you are above it all.

        Stop digging, stop digging, if you did call the police on me so what, you really don’t want to be investigated, which is the first thing they will do to you, they already know me very well.

        Kimberlin was never your friend, he isn’t anyone’s friend, no matter what you do for that man – in the end he is a cold violent man with evil in his heart and there is nothing there for you from him.

        I can only imagine what you could do for a worthy cause, progressive sure, but when you do find a new avenue, don’t try and ruin people, it doesn’t work out, sure people do it on both sides but why add to it?

        Hope you feel better, and just stop with all this, and they will stop, eventually slowly but they will

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  22. I’m neither a neurologist or a handwriting analyst, but does’t that handwriting look like it could come from, say, a Parkinson’s patient?

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    • And did it come from Slovakia or Slovenia? They’re not the same place. I’ve also found two US companies (so far, there may be more) which will do the same thing, so there is presumably a legal way to do it, or I’d think they’d have been shut down by now. I think any “messages” with the poop are written by the staff at the company using the sender’s requested message, sort of like florists.

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      • There is a rural poop purveyor in Slovakia who is going to get the living HELL doxxed out of him for the crime of sending prank horse poop. Because we all know that Schmalfeldt will be able to ascertain PRECISELY from whence it came….

        Oh wait. He doesn’t even know who really sent it to him. Ten to one it wasn’t Eric at all but was, instead, someone else who he will never, ever know. Because, Slovakia. lolz

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  25. Compare the picture in this article:

    http://motherboard.vice.com/read/shitexpresss-bitcoin-for-animal-poop-service-the-motherboard-review

    with the writing in this tweet of Bill’s:

    https://twitter.com/cbparodyrecords/status/538747171924094976

    You don’t need a handwriting expert to see they are identical. And obviously written by the person who runs the operation in Slovenia. That doesn’t mean someone else didn’t pay to have it sent though.

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    • That said, I don’t see any indication from the linked article that sending horseshit is illegal. Obviously, Bill’s statute says nothing about it.

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    • If it had the same note on the top as in the article, it’s actually pretty mild, suggesting that the recipient might want to reconsider the stuff they do that makes people want to send them s**t. And there seems to be absolutely no proof that the person our friend in MD claims sent it, did. Just because John Does knows someone sent something, doesn’t mean that John Doe is that someone. He might just know the someone.

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  26. While I have no reason to believe anyone sent that other than Bill, what “evidence” does he have to tie it to EPWJ?

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