ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Mr. Atsign, My name’s Grayson, Pete Grayson. I’m look for someone to investigate an Internet-related problem.

JOHNNY: That’s what I do for a living. What’s your problem?

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Online harassment. There’s this guy who’s convinced that I’m someone else, and he’s taking a grudge out on me.

JOHNNY: Sounds like something I’ve seen before.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Oh, you certainly have, Mr. Atsign. It’s The Grouch who is harassing me.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of The Confused Journamalist Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch Who will you faildox today?

JOHNNY: Pete Grayson blogs occasionally, but mostly he comments on other folks’ sites. He made the mistake of making a rather innocuous comment on one of The Grouch’s blogs. That led The Grouch to become interested in Grayson. Soon, he decided that Grayson was one and the same with his nemesis—The Thoughtful Zombie.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) (Fading in) … and then he started trying to dox me.

JOHNNY: One of his typical faildoxes, I suppose.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Yes. He published some of my personal information, and he published stuff about my wife and my son.

JOHNNY: Well, that’s pretty typical of his M.O.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) He also began contacting my employer.

JOHNNY: Let me guess. He complained that you were blogging on company time. Or did he do the bit about using company IT equipment to defame him?

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Both.

JOHNNY: Uh, huh.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) I’ve had enough. I intend to file what is called a stalking no contact order here in Illinois. I need help in developing all the evidence I need. I figure you should be able to help me.

JOHNNY: I probably can. At least, I’m familiar with the guy you say is harassing you. I probably know some of the rocks to turn over.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) You’ll take the case?

JOHNNY: Tell me a bit more, and we’ll see. And call me “Johnny.”

ANNOUNCER: It’s a rainy day here in Westminster today, and, like the old song says, rainy days and Mondays always get me down. Fortunately, I’ll be off work soon, and I plan to cheer myself up with a sip or two of something interesting. I’ll be sipping that beverage from a Johnny Atsign Drinking Glass. It and the other Johnny Atsign items are some of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.

JOHNNY: It was a familiar story. The Grouch had been going after The Thoughtful Zombie. He’d tried to sue him. He’d tried to add him as a counterclaim defendant in another suit. And, of course, he had failed spectacularly. For some reason he settled on identifying Grayson as The Thoughtful Zombie and began to harass him. Grayson decided to push back.

Working together and with the support of others, a verifiable list of over two dozen incidents was put together to support a petition under the Illinois stalking statute. In the process of developing that information, some of The Grouch’s earlier activities harassing others were reviewed. This brought out several other areas which The Grouch might find … how shall I put this? … let’s say, problematic.

I had my report to Grayson in a few days, and he quickly followed up with a petition for a stalking no contact order in his local jurisdiction.

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, you’re not gonna believe this. Or, on second thought, maybe you will.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch The only zombie in this matter is your undying faildoxing.

MUSIC: Theme up and under

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? Life begins to resemble a Monty Python skit. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.