The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt


Some things happen in the real world that are so mind-bogglingly stupid that no one would believe you if you made them up yourself. A major epicenter of such foolishness is The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt.

The Cabin Boy™ has been engaged in cyberthuggery for several years. Last year, he began to be held accountable for his mischief when I secured a peace order against him here in Maryland. Earlier this year, he was on the receiving end of a couple of Arizona restraining orders. On Monday, there will be a hearing on a non-contact order in Cook County, Illinois.

TDPS seems to think that it is unfair for him to be held accountable for his harassment. He’s tried to push back when his victims have sought protection. Last December, he tried to file a charge of perjury against me for my testimony against him. That failed. This past spring, he tried to sue 10 people who were calling him out on his thuggery. He withdrew the suit. Now, he is trying to get a Maryland peace order against Patrick Grady, the person seeking protection from the courts in Illinois.BSvPG PO PetitionThere are so many holes in his petition. First, false statements on a document signed under penalty of perjury is not one of the predicate acts for a Maryland peace order. Second, the Maryland statute (Criminal Law § 3-805) defines stalking as an act that includes “approaching or pursuing another.” You can’t do that on the Internet. Unless, TDPS can show that Mr. Grady physically approached him, stalking is a non-starter.

Third, writing about someone on the Internet (baring threats and libel) is an activity protected under the First Amendment and cannot trigger the Maryland harassment statute (§ 3-803) as a predicate act for a peace order. Failing to understand this point is what Judge Cornelius Vaughey so famously got wrong in the second Kimberlin v. Walker peace order case in 2012. Unless TDPS can show how something Mr. Grady published exceeds the limits described by the Supreme Court in Ohio v. Brandenburg, harassment is a dead issue as well.

popcorn4bkThe Cabin Boy™ would do well to withdraw his petition or, at the very least, fail to show up in court for the final hearing. Otherwise, … well, let’s just say Mr. Grady doesn’t strike we has someone who intends to roll over and play dead.

I am given to understand that, if there is a hearing next Friday, there will coverage by multiple bloggers.

31 thoughts on “The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt

  1. I am still waiting for an answer to my earlier question:
    “Will someone please explain to me how Grady violated Md. Code § 9-101 while in the state of Illinois?”
    A Md court does not have jurisdiction over testimony that happens in a Illinois court. If tdps(non caps) claims perjury then he is has to do so in the court where the alleged perjury happened.

      • If I where to make a claim in our local state court that “A” violated our local state code against perjury in a state court in say Md, after the judge stopped laughing he would invite me to be his overnight guest for a few days, with three hots and a cot.

    • CB Parody Records ‏@ CBParodyRecords
      Hey, mineyourown? Katiescarlett? How did I break Arizona and Illinois peace order laws from MARYLAND? Cuts both ways, dimwits.

      I bow before the superior intellect of the tdps(no caps). LOL!

  2. What are the odds that the cabin boy get a combination of a judge as ill informed Vaughey, combined with sympathy for the poor disabled vet?

    Sure, in the long run, Grady will probably win. But at what expense of time and money?

    • Bill Schmalfeldt would also have to draw a Maryland judge ill informed about Vaughey. That might not be so easy. That case just might have been the topic of discussion around water coolers in a number of Maryland courthouses. I doubt any judge aware of that case is going to want to step into that meat grinder [Bill Schamfeldt will probably claim I am threatening Maryland judges.]

      As our esteemed host has so aptly noted, “stalking” requires the physical “stalking” of the victim. Even if Patrick doesn’t show up, no judge is going to grant a motion against “stalking.” And, concerning accusations of “perjury,” every judge in Maryland is going to tell Bill Schmalfeldt to take that up with Illinois. Nor, is any judge with a double-digit IQ going to consider a Mr. Bill cartoon a “threat.” The burden of proof will be on Bill Schmalfeldt, and, it will be a burden because he simply has no proof.

      On the other hand, Patrick Grady has a case. Bill Schmalfeldt has repeatedly posted things that were not in the best interests of Bill Schmalfeldt to post. In the context of his numerous public statements, including those that hinted at his contacting employers, the judge is apt to take a rather dim view of his recent phone calls.

      Bill Schmalfeldt has an amazing ability to profess that rather benign statements directed at him are “veiled threated” while simultaneously denying that not so veiled threats issued by him such as “Beware the Ides of March!” are completely innocent. While his self-serving perceptions settle things in his favor in his mind, he is going to find being judged by an impartial arbitrator applying fact and logic a rude awakening.

  3. This poor wretched creature needs help. But in the meantime, he can’t be allowed to go about threatening people on his whim, either.

    There is a fundamental difference between known violent offenders like TDPK, who behaves much like a sociopath – hard to find rationality or humanity in planting bombs to be detonated upon random strangers – and someone like the Cabin Boy, who isn’t really anything, not even a real criminal, who has some distorted fantasy of becoming relevant through his misdeeds. He’s a wanna-be badass, and a big dumbass, but if you stomped your foot in his direction, he would likely soil his pants.

    Don’t give up on him. It is entirely possible that with years of intense therapy including electroshock treatment could eventually help him improve to the point he could live with most biological functions intact, yet without constantly annoying others.

  4. ACME Legal rides again!

    Hoge promises a contingent of bloggers at my hearing against Grady on Friday. EXCELLENT! They will be all called as witnesses, placed under oath and asked several questions. “Do you know the identity of Paul Krendler? Is Patrick Grady Paul Krendler?” And for Hoge, “Would you tell the court why you told me that you were not going to press your peace order appeal and then did so anyway without informing me you had changed your mind. Sword of justice cuts both ways, dingbats. This time I’m the guy holding it.

    If someone could get a stealth video camera into this hearing, the world would be much obliged. Comedy like this ought not go uncaptured.

    • “Do you know the identity of Paul Krendler? Is Patrick Grady Paul Krendler?”

      And the defense Counsel would say “Objection you Honor, we not hear to identify Paul Krendler” and the Judge would say Sustained.

      And for Hoge, “Would you tell the court why you told me that you were not going to press your peace order appeal and then did so anyway without informing me you had changed your mind.

      And the defense Counsel would say “Objection you Honor, the question is irrelevant” and the Judge would say Sustained.

      • I might be inclined to think that the judge would find that first question to be of interest… but perhaps not for the reasons anyone has suggested yet…

      • Why object to Bill Schmalfeldt’s question to John Hoge? Why not just say, “I never said, ‘[I was] not going to press [the] Peace Order.’?”

    • IIRC, per our esteemed host at the time, he did not promise to drop the appeal, rather he said that if Bill straightened up and flew right there would be no need to pursue it. Bill held out one week, which was about a week too little.

      By his own words TDPS knew about the court date, and had nothing in writing saying otherwise. “But he SHOOK MY HAND!!!ONE!!” and I sincerely hope he washed it well and soon.

      Now I only have the words of the two individuals, I was not there for any of these events. So you have to look at their words and deeds and decide for yourself which one you should trust.

      Yeah, that one’s a real stumper…

      • You recall correctly, but there was more: the week before, BS said he hoped WJJH wouldn’t press the PO. Hope is NOT “Hoge promised me he wouldn’t.”

  5. William’s utter lack of seriousness and nonexistent capacity for shame make me smile. In that he is the gift that keeps on giving, I hope he lives forever!

  6. No, he’s not a judge. He doesn’t have the authority to lift a court order. The court has to do it. Weirdness on so many levels.

  7. Pingback: I Really Should Not Be This Generous. | William M. Schmalfeldt, Sr.

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