NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
MUSIC: Up, then under …
NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A group of cyberbullies has been operating in support of convicted domestic terrorist by conducting online attacks on bloggers. One of them says he has had enough and is willing to provide information. Your job … vet the information.
MUSIC: Up then under …
ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.
MUSIC: Up and out.
SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.
FRIDAY: It was Thursday, August 14th. It was clear and warm in Westminster. We were working the day watch out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The Boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 3:14 pm when Liz and I returned to Room S-140. Internet Detail.
SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across room. Chairs pulled out.
SMITH: Well, that was one helluva strange interview.
SOUND: Typing on keyboard.
FRIDAY: Uh, huh.
SMITH: He was trying to put a good face on things, but he clearly understands that he was beaten and was getting off pretty easy.
FRIDAY: Maybe. I’m not sure he understood how deep things could get.
SMITH: Huh? Even if he had “won” in the District Court, he’d have been tied up in appeals to the Fourth Circuit, and the judge would have had to ignore clear Fourth Circuit precedent to rule in his favor. No, he was either going to lose big and lose soon, or he was looking at a couple of years of litigation in Richmond. I think that’s why he agreed to that enforceable settlement.
FRIDAY: Could be. We’ll see how he does with keeping his word this time. Meanwhile, we’ve got these leads to run down.
SMITH: Hmmmm. There’s not much here that we didn’t already know or at least suspect. I’ll transcribe the interview notes, and then we can split up checking the leads.
FRIDAY: Right. I’ll get a report in the system so the other watches will keep an eye out. Part of the deal is conditioned on his performance over the next couple of weeks. It’ll be interesting to see if he can maintain his good behavior.
SMITH: No bet!
FRIDAY: Yeah. This guy has a knack for snatching disaster out of the jaws of victory.
MUSIC: Stinger and under.
FRIDAY: Most of our new information was really conformation of older leads. However, there were a few new nuggets. Over the next few days, it became apparent that the individual we had interviewed was not going to be able to live within the constraints required to avoid further legal action. Knowing that there would probably be an Internet outburst as the result of a court order, we established a watch on certain accounts
Wednesday. August 27th. Liz and I had rotated on to evenings. 4:47 pm.
SMITH: Hey, Joe. Take a look at this. We got a bite.
SMITH: Timberland’s webmaster. He’s sent a comment to the Boss’s blog.
FRIDAY: Are you sure?
SMITH: Oh, yeah. He stepped right into it. Gotcha, sucker.
MUSIC: Up and under.
NARRATOR: You have heard Part One of a Multipart investigation.
ANNOUNCER: Once a matter reaches final judgment in a court case, the doctrine of res judicata means that future cases should consider the matter closed. It should not be retried. There’s lots of nifty Hogewash! Res Judicata stuff available at The Hogewash Store. There are shirts and drinkware and other interesting items. Loyal members of Team Lickkspittle can show their support by shopping today. And did you know that there’s another way to show your support? Feel free to hit the Tip Jar.
NARRATOR: This episode of Blognet is the first part of a multi-episode investigation. Tune in in two weeks for Part Two.
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.
Be sure to tune in on Monday evenings at 6 pm Eastern Time for the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous Internet investigator—Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.