MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2
ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)
JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.
MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3
SOUND: Nightclub background.
MISS BETTY: (Fading in.) … I understand your commitment to the First Amendment, but how did you wind up in the middle of all this?
JOHN: When I got stated with the blog, I thought that most of my First Amendment writing would relate to the free exercise and no established religion aspects. However, the blatantly unconstitutional gag order that The Bomber got focused my attention on him. I kept on the story, and was able to attend the appeal trial. That’s where I met Strider, The Bomber’s victim. We kept in touch, and I made coverage of The Bomber’s shenanigans a feature of my blog.
MISS BETTY: You didn’t think that it would be this messy, did you?
JOHN: Not at first. When The Bomber tried to get that peace order against the guy who had taken a picture of The Bomber flipping him off in traffic, it seemed that the courts were going to smoothly take care of him.
MISS BETTY: Uh, huh. Didn’t work out, did it?
JOHN: Not as such. No. Things began to …
BARKEEPER: Excuse me, Miss Betty, Sheriff. I need to get into the stockroom.
MISS BETTY: That’s OK, Ben. Here, take the keys. I’ll pick them up from the bar later.
JOHN: Yeah. Thing began to get complicated when The Bomber started using his team of cyberthugs to harass people writing about him. The Grouch was the highest profile of that bunch, but there were several others. Most of them were more obnoxious than hurtful. The Grouch and Bunny Boy are the two that have had the most staying power. There are of few others who have been more comic relief that real threat, The Base Player, for example.
MISS BETTY: So what’s next?
JOHN: Well, now that The Bomber has lost his defamation suit against my codefendants and me in the nuisance lawsuit he filed in state court, we need to dispose of his federal suit too.
MISS BETTY: How that going?
JOHN: I believe most of the heavy lifting was done preparing the state case. We’ll see.
MISS BETTY: Your glass is empty. You want a refill?
JOHN: Sure. Thanks.
MISS BETTY: I’ll be right back.
SOUND: Nightclub background out.
ANNOUNCER: Here in Westminster, it’s the last weekend of summer. In a few more weeks, it will be too chilly to sit on the porch in the evening sipping something cold. Tonight, I’ve been sipping my drink from one of the Hogewash! Res Judicata travel mugs. It’s just one of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle.
And now back to our story.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5
SOUND: Night club background.
MISS BETTY: Here you go. I made this one a double.
MISS BETTY: I thought you had some other legal stuff going.
JOHN: Bunny Boy seems to be keeping his head down. Perhaps he thinks that folks will forget his support of The Bomber’s thuggery. He admits that he was editing the Goodguys Unmasked website back when it published several defamatory articles about various people. Because he’s based in Alabama, the statute of limitations hasn’t run out on that yet. Something interesting may happen there.
The Grouch is under another peace order. He’s trying to stir up trouble. He’s making threats against other people. But he’s neutralized. He is incapable of carrying through with any of his threats. He’s degenerated into nothing more than a bad joke on the web. He won’t be sent to jail. He’s being sent to oblivion.
MISS BETTY: Anything else?
JOHN: Roughhouser and several of the other members of The Bomber’s crew have other legal problems as well, but I’m not directly involved.
MISS BETTY: Directly?
JOHN: I share information with others. They share with me.
MISS BETTY: So what are you going to do next?
JOHN: Next? I think I’ll finish this drink. Then, I’ll go home, take a look to see what drivel The Bomber’s crew has published this evening, have a laugh, and then get a good night’s sleep.
SOUND: Nightclub background out.
MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Who knows what drivel lurks in the hearts of men? Perhaps we will find out in a future episode of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT
ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.”
Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.