MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2
ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)
JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.
MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3
JOHN: Folks often ask me how I got to be Internet Sheriff here in Twitter Town. I ran unopposed after being nominated by Bunny Boy, the editor of a minor website. Back in November of last year, Bunny Boy wrote what he thought was a satirical piece about my efforts to enforce a peace order against a cyberthug. As usual, he got many of his facts wrong.
However, he did note that, given the then current rate of violations of the peace order, it was likely that there would have been thousands of counts standing against the violator by the time his case got to court in early 2014. He wondered, “The District Attorney and Circuit Court clerk probably do not enjoy this prospect. Will Sheriff Hoge wear out his welcome with the townsfolk and be named a vexatious litigant? Will he get called out for playing fast and loose with the rules of the court?”
Those questions deserve an answer.
Did I wear out my welcome? It doesn’t seem likely. Since Bunny Boy wrote his article, Hogewash! has had about 1.3 million page views, and the current traffic is running at a rate greater than 3 times last year’s.
Did I get named a vexatious litigant? Nope. In fact, the follow on civil matter, the extension to the peace order, was granted, and when the cyberthug tried to run an accuse-the-accuser play and charge me with perjury, his allegations were found to be without probable cause.
Did I get called out for playing fast and loose with the rules of the court? Nope. Actually, that’s what happened to the Bunny Boy’s boss.
JUDGE 1: Did you alter the return receipts between docket entry 38 and 50-whatever; did you change them? This is about the exact same brief green card being filed—the support motions you filed, the different docket entries, one showing the restricted delivery box checked and one not.
THE BOMBER: Your Honor, like I said, I asked the Post Office to send it restricted delivery.
JUDGE 1: You’re not answering my question.
THE BOMBER: Yes, I changed—
JUDGE 1: Did you change it?
THE BOMBER: Yes, I did.
JUDGE 1: And then you filed it representing that it accurately reflected the green card that had been filed out.
THE BOMBER: No, no, no, I filed it and accurately said‚it accurately reflected what I told the Post Office to do, and that’s what it is. You know, like I said, I’m a pro se litigant and—
JUDGE 1: Don’t even use that with me.
ANNOUNCER: Here in Westminster, we’re having those pleasant summer evenings when it’s nice to sit on the porch and sip a cold drink while listening to crickets and watching the lightning bugs. I’ve been sipping mine from one of the new Collateral Estoppel tea tumbler. It keeps my iced tea cool in the summer, and it will keep my tea hot this winter. It’s just one of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle.
And now back to our story.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5
JOHN: That’s not the only time that Bunny Boy’s boss has had a hard time with a judge. The Bomber is suing a couple of dozen defendants, including me, in federal court, claiming that we’re a racketeering organization formed for the purpose of defaming him. He asked the court for permission to file a preliminary injunction against several of the defendants, again including me. Then he asked for an extension of time to file the motion for the injunction so he could go on vacation.
JUDGE 2: The purpose of a preliminary injunction is to protect the status quo and to prevent irreparable harm during the pendency of a lawsuit ultimately to preserve the court’s ability to render a meaningful judgment on the merits. A preliminary injunction is either needed or it is not. If a preliminary injunction is needed, as Plaintiff contends, it ought to be pursued with the degree of diligence and urgency for which it was intended to serve i.e. the prevention of irreparable harm. Because Plaintiff’s proposed “wait-and-see” approach is antithetical to that purpose, the Court denies Plaintiff’s Request.
JOHN: Of course, Bunny Boy hasn’t written much about his boss for the past couple of weeks. Not since he lost his state lawsuit against my codefendant’s and me. The court granted us a directed verdict because there was no evidence against us.
JUDGE 3: There was absolutely no evidence in this case—exactly—to which the defendant is alleged to have done, and so I think the case falls short of the level at which it should go to the jury. For those reason the Court will enter judgment in favor of the defendants.
JOHN: No. I’m not the vexatious litigant in this scenario. And the game’s not over yet.
MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) It’s been said that truth is strange than fiction because fiction has to make sense—as we will see in the next episode of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT
ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.”
Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.