In Re ELH-14-CV-1683

This afternoon, I received three sets of court papers in the mail from The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt™. rnusa201408051707Z

I did enjoy that mail. My reaction might best be described with the Interwebz acronym ROFLMAO.

TDPS™ has posted all three filings over at his website, but they need to be someplace that actually has traffic. Here are two of them. I’d post the third, but since it reveals TDPS™ settlement position, I’m forbidden from publishing it by the Court’s Local Rule 607.4.

This is Acme Legal at its finest.

UPDATE—Redactions in the body of TDPS’s™ reply to my opposition to his motion for summary judgment relate to his settlement position.

165 thoughts on “In Re ELH-14-CV-1683

  1. I don’t want to educate Bill on any of his mistakes, so I’ll just say it was so bad I had to stop reading it. I never thought I’d say it, but for a minute, I almost felt sorry for him. He really is disabled.

    • In my opinion, only a severely ill psychopath could have penned those documents submitted yesterday by the Elkridge Horror. Again, in my opinion, this is Bill Schmalfeldt’s way to effectively libel all those with whom he disagrees; however, he unfortunately overlooked the healing power of severe sanctions. Such is always the case with the magnificent legal minds (I couldn’t even use the term ‘scholars’ with you and Team BK in mind) ensconced with the hallowed halls at Acme Law.

      A personal note from TAO to the Elkridge Horror: You are so wrong when you falsely state before the court, without evidence to substantiate it, that the term “Lady Schmalfeldt” applies to your spouse. In fact, It applies to you and you alone, William Matthew Schmalfeldt. It is my personal term of absolute derision and complete disrespect towards you as a human being, based solely on your conduct towards those with whom you disagree. It is indeed very close to the term that was applied to you below decks during your Navy time, according to the ‘word on the street’ (one of your favorite terms as a so-called “reporter”….NOT!). Let’s see…..does the term “Swivel-Lips” bring back any of those fond memories of your days below decks, Lady Schmalfeldt? Is that why you favor hot dogs so much? C’mon, you can tell us! Your dark secrets are safe with us!

  2. I’ll just note that I thought that the last exhibit of both filings made for the most interesting part of the reading, with a shout out to Inigo Montoya.

  3. He laughingly repeats his “indigent adults” crap, to protect them from cyberbullying. News flash: indigent adults cannot afford the equipment nor internet provider fees. Bill regards himself as indigent yet he has three times the income I have and I am not indigent. Heck, I make too much for food stamps or Section 8 housing. Bill is full of lies and the overall tone of the two filings is anger and vituperation, even rudeness to the court in a couple of places (as well as condensention throughout and a mocking tone and words in several places. If I were to try to create a couple of motions designed to shoot down any good will engendered to date and belittle the court, these examples would be beyond my ability to create. In several ways these are truly the “acme” of what not to file.

  4. So according to Willy esq., all those comments he put in the exhibits that are ridiculing and mocking him are somehow “obscene” or “grossly off topic”?

    Too bad for Willy esq. he doesn’t get to make up the definitions.

    Then again, even if they were, what’s the point?

    • Bill Schmalfeldt copied a post by me twice. Presumably, that means that he is claiming that it was both “off-topic” and “obscene.” In retort to a previous Schmalfeldt rant in which he claimed that he “was sitting on a story” that would be John Hoge’s doom, I replied, “Apparently, the story did not survive Bill Schmalfeldt ‘sitting on it.’ Not many things would!”

      What I said was a joke. One could debate at length which jokes are “on topic,” and which jokes are “not on topic.” But, it is simply fact that my joke was not “obscene.” If my joke were obscene, Joan Rivers would have long ago been banned from television for telling Elizabeth Taylor jokes. If I wanted to tell obscene jokes about Bill Schmalfeldt I’d spin yarns that led the listeners to contemplate his naked body. If I were going for yacks rather than yucks, I’d joke about Bill Schmalfeldt having sex with swimsuit models. Now, that would be truly “obscene.”

  5. My thoughts:

    Joking aside, yeah, this was the first time I read something he wrote and believed he received little-to-no help. I am reminded of this definitive book review smacking down Meghan McCain’s horrible little book:

    “It is impossible to read Dirty, Sexy Politics and come away with the impression that you have read anything other than the completely unedited ramblings of an idiot. This being a professional website for which I have a great deal of respect, I searched for a more eloquent or gentle way to accurately phrase the previous sentence – but could not find one.”

    I think the judge is going to know how that book reviewer felt. I once wrote of the “mystifying stupidity of Meghan McCain.” ( I am getting a strong sense of deja vu.

    And his boobs are about the same size, too.

  6. Wow, Bill Schmalfeldt publishes the same post by me on pages [Schmalfeldt’s numbering] 14 and 17! It is interesting to speculate as to whether Bill Schmalfeldt was even aware that he had already cited the post just three pages earlier when he submitted it for a second time, or, whether, he wanted to judge to read it twice!

    One answer flatters me. The other answer doesn’t flatter his intellect. That’s a tough one!

    • When you first go through it, it looks like he’s used four of my comments. Except that page 22 is a repeat of page 7, and 19 is a repeat of 8.

      The danged thing is quite long enough to begin with. Does the judge really need to see everything twice? Or is each one there once to show “grossly off topic” and once to show obscenity? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure I’ve never posted anything obscene, anyplace.

      • Funniest thing LG is that one of the sets is an EXCERPT of a conversation you and I were having about Bill’s irrelavance in a thread about TDPK. He’s actually foolish enough to leave out the appropriate cross-referential urls. That blurb was an outlier in thread ABOUT TDPK and our commentary was relative to what another Lickspittle noticed about Bill’s whiney behavior for being left out of the thread. He completely DISPROVES his entire argument by my words and yours.

  7. If it is verboten for our Gracious Host to post the Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt’s settlement position, is it forbidden to anyone else?

    • Neither the parties, their counsel, or anyone else involved in the settlement process my communicate to someone outside of the process information concerning either parties settlement positions.

      • So Free Willy violated the rule multiple times by publishing on Scribd, linking it on his blog, and Tweeting about it?


      • I think that is a fancy way of saying, “It is not forbidden to anyone else!”

        However, it might be unseemly to post them here. It would not be unseemly to note where curious parties could find out for themselves.

        Assuming someone has the relevant papers from PACER, and is able to post them on a site such as squib, it just a question of where to post them.

        When was the last item posted on bloggersuesblogger again?

      • Do not become like Bill, who has a history of publishing sealed court documents, prohibited documents as well as his tradition of posting falsehoods, half-truths, lies, damned lies and very rarely, he slips and actually posts a bit of truth, usually against interest like earlier today on Twitter …

      • I think I just heard a big black monolith in my backyard yell at me “Europa is for Settlements only! Attempt no landings there!”
        Stupid monolith, always yelling crap at me. oughta have it hauled away.

    • Go back and read the Reply to Opp to MSJ, then ask what is his point?
      Oh, by the way the second worst case for WMS would be the court denying his SAC,
      the worst case would be for the court to grant his SAC.

  8. Me thinks things are going to get very uncomfortable for Team Kimberlin over the next few months…

    • He intruded poorly, and his reputation suffered as a result. This is somehow someone else’s fault.
      Who wrote emails threatening a woman w/the loss of her kids?
      Who wrote longingly of anal rape?
      Who quizzed a family about the death of a child?
      Who pasted other men’s pictures on gay porn and put it online?
      Who broke the terms of a Peace Order then broke the terms of a mediation agreement?
      Who misconstrued the facts of the Peace Order in a separate case?
      And how exactly are these things we can blame Mr. Hoge for?

  9. He points out that Mr. Hoge has shown malice — as demonstrated by the 367 charges against Mr. Schmalfeldt which were eventually dismissed. Ok. Deep Breath. The 367 charges are actually when Schmalfeldt broke the terms of a Peace Order, and Mr. Hoge allowed the charges to be dropped after mediation. Nobody dropped the charges on their merits. But Mr. Schmalfeldt knew that.

    Another graduate of Acme Law’s Creative Writing E-Course titled “Key Facts-How to Omit Them.”
    “Acme Law, in the Yellow Pages under Indictment!”

  10. Where to even begin with that mess? I’ll not point out the obvious flaws. I will point out some of his more brazen lies. He told the judge that “Lady Schmalfeldt” referred to his wife when he knows darn well it was in response to him posting pics of himself posed like a french whore. I’m sure John will gladly point out that whopper to the judge.

    He lied about being “sarcastic” when he dared Paul to sue him. He baited him repeatedly on twitter. But oh my! he memory holed all that. Whatever…what? Screen caps? There are screen caps of him spending days taunting and daring Paul to sue him that prove he, again, lied to the judge? Well, that will certainly leave a mark.

    All in all about what I expected from him now that Brett has to concentrate on saving his own ass. Left to his own devices you can see the quality of workmanship is way down, the insolent tone is way up, and the confusion over what the law actually says…well, that remains about as high as it ever was.

    • Heh, just noticed in one of his exhibits he posts a comment that fully explains that HE is Lady Schmalfeldt. Strange that he just handed the judge the proof that he lied in his previous assertion. In the same document. Just pages apart. Holy Crap is that man stupid.

      • Biwwy didn’t really read any of those comments through, did he. He just found a word or phrase he found annoying and/or commenters he holds in particular dislike, and pasted the stuff into his exhibits.

        I’m sure the judge will be totally impressed by his pro-se skills. /sarc

    • Why Paul Lemmen and why NOW is what has me curious. Reminds me of that great line from The Hunt for Red October: “The Russians don’t take a dump without a plan.” wnd up toys go off in the direction in which their handlers point them. So, who, why, and why now?

      • My guess? Bunny Boy. He’s been attacking Lemmen pretty hard the last few days. So it’s natural that Bill would take up the fight just for that “atta boy” and pat on the head. He’s not getting that from Kimby anymore and you know how Schmalfeldt craves attention.

      • Both Bill and Brett need a diversion. Whatever Bill or Osborne or whomever posts about me, please just ignore it. Unless you don’t want to, that is up to you. Bill can write about me all he wants. I will maintain my faith and continue my studies. I won’t let them succeed in this manner just as I wouldn’t let them succeed in their attempted attack through false reports to my probation officer.
        Hold my head high and continue walking the lifelong path of redemption.
        Please pray for me,a sinner.

      • Paul Lemmen came under a great deal of pressure during 2012 and, for a few months, was cooperating with Team Kimberlin. Paul decided that he couldn’t do that any more and began working with me as a member of the Vast Hogewash Research Orgainization. During the second half of 2013, he came out publicly on the side of Team Lickspittle when Team Kimberlin tried to lean on him with bogus complaints to his probation officer.

        Paul brought with him a treasure trove of information and documentation. For example, emails …
        There’s more where that came from and plenty of reason for lots of members of Team Kimberlin to be concerned.

      • Keep up the good work, Paul. Don’t let the turkeys get you down, as they say. You have more important things to accomplish.

      • My guess is that its part of the hit job since Paul decided his association with Team Kimberlin wasn’t for him. While working for them, they never cared about his past, until he changed sides. And while BS is dismissive of what Paul may actually know, if it was really as innocuous as it sounds, the hit piece he writes demonstrates otherwise.

        He is brazen and demeaning, trying to convince the reader that we should look down on him, being judgmental as if BS has the moral authority to be. Ironic that he would ruthlessly pursue the crimes of someone else, while wearing the other shoe and proclaiming “If people would just forget Brett Kimberlin.” In previous articles, BS states unequivocally that BK is no longer a criminal. He served his time and people should leave him alone, boasting of the principle of forgiveness if one has served his penance to society. Those who come after him are deserving of whatever fate that may come. Hypocritical reporting for sure.

        IMO, Paul is trying to atone for his sins. How he does it, as long as he is pure in heart and good in deed, doesn’t matter. You may not be able to shed your sins with all men, but in Christ, they are forgiven, which is all that Paul needs.

    • Schmalfeldt Rules. It was already on the internet so anyone and everyone can and should post it everywhere they can. With pics of his house and directions on how to get there. At least that is what Schmalfeldt says is the right thing to do. Our host, on the other hand, will probably see things differently.

  11. I have previously noted that Cabin Boy’s main attributes are incompetence and incontinence.

    But these filings show that Cabin Boy is going above and beyond in incompetence especially. He seems to have absolutely no clue what is at issue, and how to discuss it, at all.

    What an unbelieveable morass of delusional writing.

  12. And intentionally breaking the court rules … that’s a pretty brilliant thing to do, Cabin Boy. Show the judge you won’t be intimidated by the court’s petty little belief in a thing like process.

  13. So…I guess reading these filings would probably be a waste of time? I’ll see if I feel like reading on the train tomorrow, but I somehow suspect that I’d rather read about space.

  14. I fancy myself a “glass-half-full” breed of gentleman, so let’s accentuate the positive!

    In this filing, William spelled his name right every time!


  15. By the way, am I the only one that fell in love with his putting “Bill Schmalfeldt is a deranged cyberstalker and adjudicated harasser” IN HIS OWN PUBLIC FILING.

    You know, that might just show up on the Google …

  16. I’m starting a new game- try to be included the most times in DPSS’ next filing!!!!!! Winner gets bragging rights!!!

  17. Bill’s chances of prevailing would seem to be inversely proportional to the number of words he puts before the judge in his filings. You can’t read anything he produces without feeling like you need a shower afterwards. It really is creepy. He probably thinks he is hiding it better than he is.

    He would have done far better to not have filed the countersuit so as to limit his interaction with the judge. I also can’t believe he is still harping on the NASA stuff. He doesn’t even understand how crazy that makes him look. He might as well be claiming that the moon landing was a sham. It would have the same effect on the case.

  18. “Mr. Hoge has apparently adjudicated all the facts in Schmalfeld’s counterclaim and, negating the need for a judge and jury….”
    That paragraph speaks volumes. I’m not a lawyer, but wasn’t Mr. Hoge supposed to point out the preferred outcome to the judge? Isn’t that the way lawyers write? Mr. Schmalfeldt shouldn’t get all sad because Mr. Hoge speaks with confidence regarding his legal position.

  19. Schmalfeldt wants the judge to be just like him and threaten Hoge to ‘reveal the address’ or face ‘contempt’ or ‘criminal’ charges. He could have just said “I want it all Doug!”

  20. I couldn’t make it through the first BS filing Mr. Hoge put up last night due to the crazy making my head hurt, but today I read the second…and holy cow does the second make the first one seem almost reasonable. Maybe that’s Schmalfail’s tactic. If you put forth enough completely insane bats**t crazy stuff, then the mere deranged will seem reasonable in comparison.

    Although calling any of the flailing Schmalfail’s doing a “tactic” vastly overstates his level of competence, so never mind.

  21. I haven’t been over to Twitter this morning. I assume Biwwy is ranting about how we are making his case for him, how he’ll be able to use all the mockery to prove how evil Hoge is and guarantee that Hoge will lose, and perhaps some threats to add us all to the counterclaim.

    He really doesn’t understand ( or else doesn’t care about) the Streisand effect, does he, bless his heart.

  22. With the withering radio voice card played, and the bad knee from bending over (not unlike his Navy days) for a candy wrapper, I predict a shambling, pajama wearing, voice recognition box using schlunk on 14 August. Just picture a really dumb looking Walmart customer that sounds like a McDonald’s drive-thru.

  23. By A Reader circa 2013:

    Three years ago he stated that “SCOPA-PS says I have some pretty severe psychosocial complications of the disease.” His rating was 17. How much worse has that rating become, and why is he blogging and tweeting in light of it?

    Hmmm… I wonder how many orders of magnitude that score has increased over the intervening years, and did more recent testing actually break the method/machine/test administrator?

    More importantly, I wonder if anyone has a screencap of that admission?

  24. Bon mots vs. butt stuff

    A tough decision for some people I guess. I may need to consult an award winning journalist with a sterling reputation.

  25. Was walking down memory lane and I stumbled across this old gem, which highlights someone’s respect for women, particularly Asian women:

    “I suppose I could sue Michelle Malkin. Her pockets are certainly deeper. But the thought of her losing everything and then having to move to the streets of Olangapo, turning tricks for sailors for $5 a throw depresses me and I would not want to put the poor woman through it. As anyone can clearly see in her face, she has suffered enough.”

    Ah, good times, good times. The author? Why, BS, of course.

    • Can he sue hinself for posting defamation about himself and like Orouborous disappear by swallowing his own tail untl he just disappears.
      I think the robust American mayonnaise industry can supply enough product to help make this dream come true.

    • I found it incredibly difficult to believe that very accomplished Michelle Malkin ever noticed such an insignificant nothing, much less troubled herself to discuss him. Then I figured out what must have set off that particular fantasy – Twitchy*.

      For those who don’t recall or didn’t know, awful, nasty, vile, disgusting threats, including rape, were made to Lee Stranahan and also about his wife. See Twitchy for details.

      *I’ve been meaning to mention – If one hovers their cursor over an embedded link like this, the url will be visible somewhere, maybe bottom left corner, depending on your browser.

  26. “… although the Defendant’s assertion of denial…. could have been more artful.”

    There seems to be a lot of instances in these very documents where the defendant needs to be “more artful.”

  27. BS is now claiming that every tweet or blog post about him on other blogs and by other people on their own Twitter feeds are Hoge’s fault and he’s going to show the judge. Interesting tort theory, there.

  28. Pingback: In Re ELH-14-CV-1683 | That Mr. G Guy's Blog

  29. And even more demonstrable lies from William the Yellow-Hearted!

    RADIO NIXON @RadioNixonUSA · 12h
    Hoge’s latest attempt to hide behind a law meant to protect the weak and vulnerable set for de novo appeal in Circuit Court on Aug. 27.

    RADIO NIXON @RadioNixonUSA · 12h
    What better way for a vindictive, vexatious old bastard to prove he’s a vindictive, vexatious old bastard than to try for a Peace Order…

    User Actions

    …against someone for attempting to contact him regarding the vexatious, vindictive old bastard’s failed copyright infringement case?

    Aren’t there something like a dozen attempted comments that he tried posting here and (stupidly) tweeted that prove otherwise?

    It appears that Oliver Wendell Jones is setting a perjury trap … for himself!

    • Vindictive would indicate an intent to inflict some sort of harm. A Peace Order would simply cause Blob to not contact our host. How is that vindictive. blob? Is it because you just can’t quit him? Because you can’t help yourself?

      You know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to HOOOOOOOOGGGGGEEE!!!!

      Your lights are on, but you’re not home
      Your mind is not your own
      Your heart sweats, your body shakes
      Another HOOOOOOOOGGGGGEEE!!!! is what it takes

      You can’t sleep, you can’t eat
      There’s no doubt, you’re in deep
      Your throat is tight, you can’t breathe
      Another HOOOOOOOOGGGGGEEE!!!! is all you need

      • Way too early here to laugh this hard, Pablo! hahaha
        But you’re certainly correct – where is the punishment or harm in restricting communication with our host?

        As for myself, I have very rarely contacted our host deliberately; probably less than a dozen times total. (Obviously, I don’t count those multiple link posts that get stuck in moderation. haha)

        If our host asked me to stop contacting him, I’m certain I would. And I’m certain I could.

      • I suppose I should add – I’m also certain that I’m not stupid enough to be “tricked” into tweeting to our host 367 times – especially after being asked to stop.

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