Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Hi, Johnny.

JOHNNY: Hello.

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, have you checked the Maryland Judiciary Case Search this morning?

JOHNNY: Not yet. What will I find?

RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) The Bomber’s been sanctioned in his state lawsuit.


RULE 5 GIRL: Yeah. He’s been ordered to pay legal fees to the Defendants’ lawyer.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of Short-Fused Dud Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) Hey, @TheBunny, is there a story you’re not reporting?

SOUND: Road noise. Car interior POV.

JOHNNY: I was on my way down to Montgomery County to deliver some research to Pro Bono, the lawyer representing the Defendants in the nuisance lawsuit The Bomber had filed in the Circuit Court down there.

SOUND: Road noise crossfades to telephone ringing. Caller’s POV.

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Hello.

JOHNNY: Congratulations, Counselor!

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Thanks, Johnny.

JOHNNY: It wasn’t a very big award, but it’s the first time that anyone’s actually cost him something.

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Well, not exactly. He did have that peace order stick in 2012, but, yeah, it’s good for all this nonsense to have cost him something.

JOHNNY: What’s your schedule look like today?

PRO BONO: I’ve got a little slack late in the afternoon. What’s up?

JOHNNY: I’ve got all the hard copy ready on that research you wanted. Do you want me to bring it down to you today?

PRO BONO: (Fading out) Yes. How about around …

SOUND: Road noise fades back up. Car interior POV.

JOHNNY: I was about halfway to Pro Bono’s office, just passing the second revenue camera on the north side of Damascus, when Aaron called.

SOUND: Cell phone rings twice.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Hey, Johnny, did you see the news about sanctions?

JOHNNY: As a matter of fact, I have. I’ve already congratulated Pro Bono.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) The Bomber’s not having a good week.

JOHNNY: Next week may be worse. I’m on my way down to Pro Bono’s office to drop off some research. That upcoming hearing will be interesting.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) (Fading out) I’d like to hear more. Do you remember that diner we met at …

SOUND: (Road noise out)

ANNOUNCER: Here in Westminster, we’re having those pleasant summer evenings when it’s nice to sit on the porch and sip a cold drink while listening to crickets and watching the lightning bugs. I’ve been sipping mine from a Res Judicata travel mug. It’s just one of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.

SOUND: (Restaurant background)

JOHNNY: Well, it wasn’t 20,000 pages like The Bomber was saying, but it was several thousand.

AARON: Yeah, I went through a set of copies myself. There was a lot of paper but not much substance.

JOHNNY: Oh, you found substance?

AARON: (Chuckles) Like I said, not much.

JOHNNY: I actually found stuff that tends to prove your defense.

AARON: He’s made similar mistakes in the RICO lawsuit. He’s submitted exhibits that disprove his own claims. He’s flailing around, desperately trying to find anything that might work.

JOHNNY: (Fading out) OK, let’s compare notes …

SOUND: (Restaurant background out)

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheBomber, will that be cash or charge?

MUSIC: Theme up and under

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next week? If at first you don’t succeed, maybe you should change plans. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for a episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

2 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

  1. Can’t believe I haven’t run afoul of that device yet. The limit there is Kimberlin grade BS. But it’s worth the trip to hit a couple of decent gun shops up in Mt Airy. And the butcher is pretty decent as we’ll.

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