MUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A noted anti-First-Amendment activist has sued a group of bloggers trying to shut down their free speech and free press rights. Your job … get the facts.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.

FRIDAY: It was Monday, September 2nd. It was cool late summer day in Westminster. We were working the day watch out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 12:06 pm when Liz returned to Room S-140. Internet Detail.

SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across room.

SMITH: There wasn’t much of a line at Chick-fil-A today.

SOUND: Paper bags set on table. Chair pulled out.

FRIDAY: Thanks for making the lunch run. Yeah, a lot of people will be at family picnics today. Most folks get Labor Day off.

SOUND: Food being removed from bags.

SMITH: Not us. Here’s your salad, Joe.

FRIDAY: Thanks. Pass the honey mustard dressing.

SOUND: Phone rings twice. Receiver picked up.

FRIDAY: I’ll get it. Go ahead and eat.

Internet Detail, Sergeant Friday. … Yes, sir. I remember you. … Uh, huh. … Who? … Timberland? … When did he file it? … How did you find out so soon? This is a holiday weekend. … Parovcampus. I see. … You haven’t been served, have you? … Uh, huh. … Please send us a copy as soon as you get something. … Yes,sir, I’m sure we will want to follow up. … No, not until we have more to work on. … Thanks for the heads up. … Yes, we will. … Good bye.

SOUND: Receive hung up.

SMITH: (Mouth full) What was that?

FRIDAY: Do you remember that stalking case from last March?

SMITH: The one where Timberland was photographing that couple from Virginia in a courthouse parking lot? Yeah. What’s he up to now?

FRIDAY: The call was from the guy he was stalking . He’s a blogger. You may remember seeing him at BlogBash. Timberland has filed a law suit against him and four other bloggers. He claims that they conspired to engage in malicious prosecution, defamation, and a long list of other stuff.

SMITH: Oh?.

FRIDAY: Yeah, it smells like a case of lawfare.

SMITH: A pro se litigant filing a bunch of bogus claims for harassment. That’s the business model Roughhouser has suggested. I wonder if he’s involved.

FRIDAY: We’ll see. Meanwhile, we need to do some research. I willing to bet lunch that Timberland’s vast experience with those “over a hundred” lawsuit he claims to have filed won’t help him.

SMITH: How come?

FRIDAY: His batting average. He isn’t even ready for the bush leagues. Maybe tee-ball.

MUSIC: Stinger and under.

FRIDAY: Wednesday, April 9th. Timberland’s case was winding its way slowly through the courts.

SOUND: Phone rings once. Receiver picked up.

SMITH: Internet Detail, Detective Smith. … Yes, sir, thanks for calling. How did it go this morning? … I see. … And then what did the judge do? … Oh, that’s unfortunate. Still, it sounds like you came out ahead. … Yes, I’ll read it as soon as you post it. … No, I’ll let you get to work, but thanks for calling. … Good bye.

SOUND: Receiver hung up.

FRIDAY: Well?

SMITH: The sanctions hearing for Timberland is over. He wound up admitting that he had added the Restricted Delivery check mark on the green card. He just barely missed getting fined by the judge. She put him on notice not to do it again.

FRIDAY: Well, it could have been better, and it could have been worse. Meanwhile, we still have some leads to run down on that case. When is the next hearing?

SMITH: Let’s see …

SOUND: Typing on keyboard.

SMITH: July 1st.

FRIDAY: And when is his discovery due?

SMITH: The end of this month.

FRIDAY: OK, we can back burner this for a few weeks.

And we did. Monday, May 5th.

SMITH: Hey, Joe. I was checking the backlog file. The discovery from Timberland was due last week. The defendants’ lawyer forwarded what he sent, and it’s essentially nothing.

FRIDAY: What? Is he blowing it off or refusing to answer?

SMITH: Mostly refusing to answer.

FRIDAY: That means we should assume he’s trying to hide information related to every question or request. That means a full-court press investigation. We’d better get started.

MUSIC: Up and under.

NARRATOR: On July 1st, a hearing was held in the Circuit Court for Montgomery County on motions for summary judgment in Timberland’s lawsuit. In a moment the results of that hearing.

MUSIC: Stinger.

ANNOUNCER: Once a matter reaches final judgment in a court case, the doctrine of res judicata means that future case should consider the matter closed. It should not be retried. There’s lots of nifty Hogewash! Res Judicata stuff available at The Hogewash Store. There are shirts, and drinkware, and other interesting items. Loyal members of Team Likckspittle can show their support by shopping today. And did you know that there’s another way as well? Feel free to hit the Tip Jar.

NARRATOR: On July 1st, a hearing on motions for summary judgment was held in the Circuit Court for Montgomery County. The court found no evidence or law to support Timberland’s motion and denied it. The court found that the undisputed facts and the law supported dismissal with prejudice of five of the seven counts against the defendants. Dismissal with prejudice is a finding on the merits that the claims were baseless. Defendants’ have motions for summary judgment pending against the remaining counts.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in on Monday evenings at 6 pm Eastern Time for the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous Internet investigator—Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.