MUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A noted anti-First-Amendment activist is seeking a frivolous copyright lawsuit against a blogger. Your job … get the facts.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.

FRIDAY: It was Friday, September 6th. It was a warm late summer day in Westminster. We were working the day watch out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 6:52 am when I got to Room S-140. Internet Detail.

SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across room.

SMITH: ‘Morning, Joe.

FRIDAY: Hi, Liz.

SOUND: Coffee poured.

FRIDAY: Can I get you a cup?

SMITH: I’m good. Have you made plans for the weekend yet?

SOUND: Footsteps. Chair pulled out.

FRIDAY: I’m going over to my mother’s for a cookout. The family didn’t get together for Labor Day.

SOUND: Computer boot tone.

SMITH: Sounds like fun.

SOUND: Typing on keyboard.

FRIDAY: Uh, huh. Hmmm. That’s interesting.

SMITH: Whatcha got?

FRIDAY: There’s an new Timberland lawsuit online. It’s on PACER.

SOUND: Typing on keyboard. Mouse clicks.

FRIDAY: It looks like he’s filed a copyright suit … against Timberlandunmasked.

SMITH: What copyright does he say that TU infringed?

FRIDAY: He seems to be claiming that images of his face have been lifted from copyrighted music videos.

SMITH: Yeah, I’ve seen some of that online. It’s Fair Use parody. Timberland seems amazingly thin-skinned.

FRIDAY: Yeah, if were any thinner, he wouldn’t have any.

MUSIC: Stinger and under.

FRIDAY: The Timberland lawsuit listed several music videos from which he claimed that images had been taken. He also claimed that he owned some of the videos and that others were owned by his employer Jealousy-Themed Music Progressives. This created a potential problem for his lawsuit. While he could have standing to sue for infringement of his own copyrights, he didn’t have standing to sue for Jealousy-Themed Music. It would have to sue in own right. Liz undertook a thorough search of the U. S. Copyright Office database to see who owned what.

Monday, September 9th. 11:12 am.

SMITH: Joe, I’ve got the result of the Copyright Office search for those Timberland copyrights.

FRIDAY: And?

SMITH: Timberland hasn’t registered a copyright for about a decade. The last was that awful Glue CD.

FRIDAY: That’s so?

SMITH: Yeah. I actually watched the videos on YouTube and there’s a mix of notices. Some related to Timberland’s music publishing company. If that’s a proprietorship, he might have standing to sue. Some have a Jealousy-Themed Music notice. He shouldn’t have standing to sue about those.

FRIDAY: Hold it. You said none of these copyrights are registered. Weren’t all of them more than three months old when he filed suit.

SMITH: Yes.

FRIDAY: Then it’s too late to register them, and registration or, at least, application for registration is a prerequisite for filing suit.

SMITH: And he doesn’t know who he’s suing. He’s asking for a subpoena to Google to try ti identify TU.

FRIDAY: It’s just copyright trolling. He’s found a new form of harassment to use, but he doesn’t know how to aim it properly.

MUSIC: Up and under.

NARRATOR: On February 28th, the U. S. District Court for Maryland issued an order in the matter Timberland v. Timberlandunmasked. In a moment the results of that order.

MUSIC: Stinger.

PINKY: Look, Brain … the boss has got a lot more stuff than mousepads for sale at The Hogewash Store.

ANNOUNCER: That’s right, Pinky. There’s a lot of neat stuff to spend your money on at The Hogewash Store. There are shirts, and bags, and drinkware, and all sorts of other interesting items. Loyal members of Team Likckspittle can show their support by shopping today. And did you know that there’s another way as well? Feel free to hit the Tip Jar.

NARRATOR: On February 28th, the U. S. District Court for Maryland issued an order in the matter Timberland v. Timberlandunmasked. Timberland asked the court to declare that Timberlandunmasked should be considered served with the suit even though Timberland had not, in fact, effected service. The court denied the motion.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in on Monday evenings at 6 pm Eastern Time for the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous Internet investigator—Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.