Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

RULE FIVE GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Hello, Johnny.

JOHNNY: Well, hello.

RULE FIVE GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, The Grouch is at it again.

JOHNNY: What now?

RULE FIVE GIRL: (Telephone Filter) He says he’s suing a whole bunch of bloggers for defamation.

JOHNNY: Uh, huh.

RULE FIVE GIRL: (Telephone Filter) And he’s filing for pauper status.

JOHNNY: Really. I didn’t know he was that poor.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Asign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of Short-Fused Dud Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) Hey, @BeanCounter, how poor do you have to be to be a pauper in federal court?

BEANCOUNTER TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @JohnnyAtsign Below the federal poverty line.

JOHNNY: The Grouch had filed a lawsuit in federal court accusing a group of bloggers of defaming him. He claimed that he couldn’t afford the $400 filing fee and asked the court to allow him to proceed in forma pauperis—in the manner of a pauper. He had to file a financial statement as part of that application. I sent a copy of his application and a copy of his 2013 Form 1040A that he had published online to my accountant. After giving him a day to look the documents over, I stopped by to see what he’d found.

BEANCOUNTER: Hey, Johnny. Come on it. I guess you’re here about that tax return and the in forma pauperis application.

JOHNNY: Yeah. What did you find?

BEANCOUNTER: First of all, didn’t you say this guy had published a bunch of books?

JOHNNY: They’re not exactly best sellers.

BEANCOUNER: OK, but if he’d even sold one it should have generated some income. Nothing’s reported on the 1040A.

JOHNNY: He says he donates it all to charity.

BEANCOUNTER: It doesn’t matter. He’s supposed to report it. Then it’s either covered by taking the standard deduction or by an itemized deduction. No, unless he didn’t sell any books last year, he’s underreporting his income.

JOHNNY: Why am I not shocked?

BEANCOUNTER: OK. Look at this line on the court form. He says his monthly income is about 2400 bucks. That’s just under 29,000 a year.

JOHNNY: Uh, huh.

BEANCOUNTER: Now, look at lines 12a and 14a on his IRS form. They add up to just over 41,000.

JOHNNY: Hold it. No one overstates his income to the IRS.

BEANCOUNTER: I certainly never advise my clients to do so.

JOHNNY: So you’re saying that either he overstated his income to the IRS or he didn’t tell the truth to the court? Couldn’t some of the income on the 1040A be his wife’s?

BEANCOUNTER: Could be, but he’s supposed to divulge her income to the court. Look at the spouse column on the court form.

JOHNNY: All zeros.

BEANCOUNTER: This guy’s got some explaining to do.

ANNOUNCER: Are you a loyal supporter of Team Lickspittle? While there’s a lot of neat stuff to spend your money on at The Hogewash Store, sometimes you have to buy something useful. When that happens, feel free to hit the Tip Jar.

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

RULE FIVE GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Hi, Johnny.

JOHNNY: Well, hello.

RULE FIVE GIRL: (Telephone Filter) The Grouch says that he’s dropping his suit.

JOHNNY: That’s probably a wise thing for him to do.

RULE FIVE GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Yeah. His complaint doesn’t really hold together. It’s just so much of his usual bull.

JOHNNY: Girl, you don’t know the half of it.

RULE FIVE GIRL: (Telephone Filter) What do you mean?

JOHNNY: (Fading out.) Let me simply say that his paperwork was even more screwed up than you imagine.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch Did you pass Arithmetic in the 5th grade?

MUSIC: Theme up and under

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next week? Slow and steady may not have won the race yet. But it’s pulling farther ahead. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in on Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next episode of Blognet. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

20 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

  1. Well, he’s skipped the boasting and bluster and gone right to the “beating up a cripple” part of “Bill Schmalfeldt’s Kabuki Theater”. It must be pretty bad to interfere with the traditional form. I don’t think he even bothered with the ritual eating of the sacred Twinkie.

    Shit’s just got real….

      • pfffttt…
        he’s just going thru the motions now…
        he’s gotta get someone to argue with him to really work up a good meltdown…
        too bad no one wants to bother…
        (that is not a challenge, leave the turd alone to wallow in the sewer of his own making I say)

      • Does anybody have any idea what the hell he is talking about here?

        WMS Radio Network
        And yes, as I said, I have been served by Hoge’s stupid lawsuit. I say “stupid” because this is 2014, not 2104.

        Why would the lawsuit be less “stupid” a century from now?

        I know I’m not thinking quite up to par right now (short on sleep due to a shoulder injury), but I’d like to think if there was an actual point there, I’d have found it.

      • He thinks it’s an especially clever way to point out a typo. Perhaps John will footnote it with an acknowledgement of thanks in his Amended Complaint. #oops #didntthinkthatthrough

      • I suspect thats the super secret legal strategy he has already claimed is sure to sink the lawsuit with Hoge on board. It probably involves point out a typo, and the judge will be so impressed that he will dismiss the suit.

      • Typos happen. Consistently misspelling words like “judgment” (adding an “e” after the “g” when that spelling is not commonly used in this country), or “cannot” (it’s not “can not”), or even foreign phrases like “machts nichts” (both words end in an “s”), now that’s something else altogether.

      • OK, that (sort of) makes sense. Of course the Maryland courts have let worse typos by his good buddy, BK, slide so why he thinks they’ll jump on Mr. Hoge’s….

  2. I did notice on the form he submitted to the court he claimed 0 income (other then his pension and disability). I thought it strange unless he sold 0 books.

  3. I know Johnny Atsign is fiction, but it does make one think: what kind of a rube would submit false info to a federal court in order to save $50? Filing in forma pauperis saves you that much and that’s all. Surely, no one would be that dishonest and miserly?

      • Odd that BS considers a work of fiction like this blog post to be “slapping” a “cripple.” Unless he himself submitted false info … NO! A man who prides himself on his honesty like he does? Say it ain’t so!

    • Saves $400 immediately, a significant distinction if you don’t happen to have that much ready cash. But, I think the more relevant question is, “If you wish to try to engage someone in a war of financial attrition through lawfare, wouldn’t it make sense to do so through an indigent shill?”

      Recently, Bill Schmalfeldt has complained he feels abandoned by his friends Brett Kimberlin and BU. Recently, posters have noted that Bill Schmalfeldt’s income, which he made part of the public record, is over the limit for qualifying for pauper status. It is an interesting question as to who wrote Bill Schmalfeldt’s lawsuit. If that person decided to drop out, Bill Schmalfeldt, more or less, would be forced to drop the suit. Bill Schmalfeldt who was publicly salivating over extracting money from John Hoge. , did drop out a few days later. He claims it was upon doctor’s advice. When has Bill Schmalfeldt ever listened to advice? Certainly, he has consistently ignored his doctor’s advice concerning diet. These are interesting questions.

  4. The dumbest part is that in exchange for trying to get pauper status he made public a copy of his tax returns. I’d gladly pay the filing fee to keep my taxes a secret and I’m honest. #Fail

    • He published his tax returns some time ago in reference to another matter. The original post, of course, has been memory holed, but the Internet is forever. Who knew that just a month or two later he’d be filing a publicly available document declaring his income to the court under penalty of perjury, to which that old tax return could be easily compared and contrasted?

      #oops #DTTT

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