The Gospel According to BS

The Cabin Boy™ has yet another book out. The first part of it is his version of the Gospel of Matthew.

There was a Broadway musical some years ago that was based on Matthew. Schmalfeldt would have done well to have considered the advice found in the musical’s title before publishing his latest work: Your Arms Too Short to Box with God.

92 thoughts on “The Gospel According to BS


  1. Matthew 7:6 in reverse.

    Schmalfeldt the Swine tossing his self-trampled “pearls” for personal glorification and gain.

    Doesn’t get much more disgusting than that — just when one thinks Bill Schmalfeldt cannot sink any lower. The depths of Hell are pretty deep… just sayin’.


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    • He’s also just republished Journalistic Death as Brain Death over at Lulu, as a print-on-demand $30 hardcover. I don’t know whether he’s removed Chapter 13.

      Is this the one the notification is about? Or does he have more dreck over there?


      • considering the preview for Brain Death (the first 3 pages or so) is exactly the same as Journalistic Death, he probably just changed the name/cover pic only…


      • Sounds like it’s the same one, just with a different cover and in hardback. Since the original was pulled from both Amazon and Smashwords, that’s his only way of getting it “out there”. At that sort of cost, he’s probably expecting his opposition to forego purchasing it.


      • Wow. I thought BS was just a tool, that his personality was just that douchy. (Autocorrect wants to make that doughy. Ha!) But with this I think he’s actually insane. I may be late to that party, but, yes, insane.


  3. He’s accusing me of writing reviews under a false name. Having read the review in question, I don’t see anything on which to disagree with it, based on reading the “sample” of the dreck available through his online publisher.


    • Fatboi left all the misspellings and links in it; how does one click a link in a hard-cover book? Does he know something we all don’t (I know its dumb question but I am curious)?


      • Bill is not the sharpest crayon in the box, and we rushed him. He couldn’t let his attack on Hoge and the Lickspittles be taken away from him. And as he keeps reminding us (when it’s convenient for him) he suffers from Parkinson’s Dementia.

        After the way Patriot Whistle (who would seem to be a sock, if not for Bill, for someone else in TK) attacked me last month on the subject of hospice, and the way Biwwy can’t think straight anymore, I’m beginning to think that he’s deteriorating fast enough that at that last doctor’s visit, the one he said went just fine, the doctor suggested he should start thinking about what to do when his condition worsens enough.


      • Your mention of Hospice brought this thought to mind. I can’t speak for Maryland, but where I come from the only way to participate in the Hospice program is that the patient’s prognosis is only 6 months to live. If that is true in Maryland, then it looks like the Cabin Boy’s apoligists need another argument.


      • Well, it could just be that the doctor said that he might want to consider it for the future when things get bad enough. So he could have a lot more than 6 months left. But whoever PW was, he totally lost it at the suggestion that hospice was appropriate for folks who weren’t bed ridden and unable to eat. Sort of, “Hospice is only for folks at the very, very end of life, and that’s not me, not it’s not!” Or at least that was the only explanation I could come up with to explain the irrationality of the attack.


      • Jonsey: The 6 month window is pretty much standard across the country. There are exceptions made om an individual basis but not often. When I was enrolled in Hospice on 05Dec2013 my prognosis was 6 months at the outside and here in Florida there are 2 options: Hospice at home where the patient prefers to spend their final months at home or Hospice Home where the patient spends their final months as a pauper in a Hospice facility, not a care in the world, financial or otherwise.In the 1st option (which I chose) the Hospice patient can manage their healthcare and continue to battle their terminal illness while receiving some basic assistance from Hospice. In the second option the patient usually has given up (or is homeless or otherwise indigent) and requires medical care and (usually) IV pain meds. They spend their final months in nice, clean surroundings with plentiful food and usually with a PCA of Morphine to help them float away …
        I fully intend to “graduate” from Hospice by exceeding either the six month limit or by an improvement of my terminal illness to a degree that it is not longer classed as terminal.
        (Don’t Barbara type pretty? I’m dictating and she is typing and reading for me …)


      • He was attacking Paul, claiming he was lying, but then he started attacking me, claiming first I was Paul’s sock, (I bet Barbara would have something to say about that!:)) and then general shrieking about how hospice was only for the bedridden who couldn’t even eat solid food, completely forgetting about Paul.


      • Librarygryffon: Barb had a thing or six to say but she’s a lady so they shall not appear. I note that Bill is in full meltdown and asks how many death-beds I have risen from. None of course, one doesn’t rise from a death-bed. You can get a reprieve but death is always coming for all of us. Just a disingenuous ad hominem attack like his fact-less allegations I’ve accepted donations. I’ve never even had a tip jar so that is just another tiny bit of his infantile lashing out from envy.
        (I feel sorry for Bill’s wife! — B)


    • Library, thanks for the response. I don’t get to see alot of the extra posts and was ticked if the Cabin Boy claimed Hospice.
      Paul, it takes courage to share what you did and I have followed your story here (I don’t post alot because of time constraints) and I admire the courage you show with your testimony. It is my prayer that you be restored to full health. And….yes….she does type pretty 😉


      • Thanks Jonesy! (from both of us). Barb is the greatest love of my life and the reason I’m still alive!


  4. Somewhat OT: How best to let Bill Schmalfeldt know that I wish him to stop trying to contact me in any manner, including @mentions on twitter? Is there a preferred format, since this isn’t something I’ve had to deal with before.


    • If you have notified him before, save it as a screencap if you have not already done so. If he continues to harass you, report him to Twitter for TOS violations.


      • US mail/UPS, box, wrapped in brown paper, with an old fashion ticking alarm clock in it, nothing else?


  5. He doesn’t seem to realize that not everyone here claims to be Christian. Heck, not everyone here is even conservative…


  6. Paul H. Lemmen wrote: “I fully intend to “graduate” from Hospice by exceeding either the six month limit or by an improvement of my terminal illness to a degree that it is not longer classed as terminal.”

    And, every ounce of prayer I have within me… prays for as much and more.


    • If you do it too often, Amazon will remove the option from your account. There have been occasional threads on the Kindle message boards of people complaining because they can’t routinely cheat authors any more.


      • That makes perfect sense, but the occasional, maybe once a year, or once every two years….


  7. I’ll bet poor Cabin Boy doesn’t know that you can certainly leave a review based on the preview of the book shown either on Smashwords or Amazon itself. Poor man thinks he is always a step ahead when in reality he is a mile behind.


  8. Smashwords pulls ALL of BS’s books:

    “The latest kick in the balls from WJJ Hoge, the sadist who lives in Westminster, MD, has taken almost all of the starch out of my spine. Hoge gets to decide what I write and what I don’t write, and it seems he would just as soon I didn’t write anything. Because I screencapped a sentence of his blog and used it in a book, he has convinced Amazon to pull the Kindle from its shelves. He did the same at Smashwords, which has pulled all my books from its shelves.”


    • Karma…he is also getting owned on the review section of his books… someone is toying with him.


      • Not me. If I really were “Nancy Gilly” aka “Pip Van Houten” and I really were as demented as he tries to make out in his replies to that review, I’d have left reviews on more of his books than one. I love how he says that Nancy is a liar and the sort of Christian he is “satirizing”, all this from a man who thinks it’s OK to “joke” about pimping out someone’s daughter, or to threaten to have a woman’s children taken from her just to find out someone else’s name.

        If Biwwy would read the information on how to submit a review, no where does it say you must have purchased the product, in particular there is no requirement to have purchased it through Amazon. You have to have made an Amazon purchase to leave reviews, but not necessarily that particular item.

        And he needs to prove that she didn’t purchase the book. I wonder how he’ll do that since I assume that Amazon does not release detailed buyer info to authors. It’s also pretty funny that he moans about “Nancy” not writing the review under her real name, but himself comments as “The Parky Pundit”.

        Personally, I give his “too discouraged to write anymore” retirement less than a week, after which he’ll be back to harassing and libeling like usual.


      • Entire blog post incluing 107 comments from the comment section is more like it. He couldn’t tell yhe truth if he’d get a million in gold for doing so …


    • Wow. A sentence? Mr. Hoge may have only written the leading Pinky line, but he has an exclusive license on all our comments. Or did CBBS forget that?


    • Somebody actually read his drivel apparently. Thus his “protector Very Ordinary Semen Wee Willie Fergie threatens to write a book and put my name in it. Big whoop! Go ahead, I won’t sue but I will tell the publisher I will. Guess what? NO publisher will touch you. You cost too much. No upside, you lose. Now, go S.A.D. after you get your shoebox.
      (This is so much fun! — B)


    • Bill, the issue here isn’t what John Hoge thinks you can and cannot write. John Hoge wrote that content, you didn’t.

      Here is a reality check Bill. Would you rather be accused of publishing another’s works via a DMCA takedown notice, or of pimping your wife and producing child pornography to the police, child protective services, or, anyone else willing to take your baseless speculation at face value? You have created a world for others in which you “investigate,” accuse and file legal complaints based on nothing more than self-serving speculation. Now, others are subjecting you to the world you tried to create for Lee Stranahan and others. Don’t whine Bill. At least it is indisputable fact that you published other people’s writings. Did Lee Stranahan really ever produce child pornography? Bill, this is your new reality. For the remains of your days your public actions are going to be scrutinized, and, every legal misstep you take will be probably reported to the appropriate authorities.


  9. uh, depressed twinkie time… the cycle continues… doom countdown coming?

    Bill Schmalfeldt ‏@PatOmbudsman
    I’m exhausted. I’m disgusted. But worse of all, for the first time? I’m defeated.

    Hint bill… you may now admit to being defeated, but you’ve been a loser your whole life.


  10. So this is what the old Cabin Boy is saying on his Twitter feed.
    https://twitter.com/PatOmbudsman/status/458697546958143488

    https://twitter.com/PatOmbudsman/status/458728314254155777

    Now I’d like to know from him exactly when he is turning the following reveiwers in to Amazon for reviewing his books without reading them…..

    By FulRoss on January 31, 2013
    I have not had a chance to read this book…….

    By Cindy McCormick on April 23, 2010
    I am ordering this book today. After reading this first chapter of this book to review it..

    On admits to not reading it, the other read a preview….you know, like certain other reviewers did. So Bill, give us the date, time, and who you contacted at Amazon to have these reviews removed. You won’t because you are both a liar and a coward.


    • Biwwy is going to have a big sad tomorrow, when he sees that the review by “Pip” has been edited, to include comments about sections that aren’t in the preview, as well as a statement that the item is being returned for refund, as not being worth $4.

      I don’t think Amazon is going to remove that review.


  11. What goes around comes around.
    You reap what you sow.
    Payback is a b*tch.
    You get what you deserve.

    These sayings are timeless and true. It’s just too bad that Bill didn’t think about any of this before he started his campaign of harassment. And, folks, his campaign of harassment began well before any of you were ever aware of it, which I’m sure you probably all figured out. It didn’t start out with his “investigations.” He’s been a narcissist and a nuisance all along. Remember, there’s a reason that he doesn’t have any family members who want anything to do with him. Even the son he exploited on his blog as being his buddy barely speaks to him, and the last conversation they had on Twitter was the kid making fun of him (he was too dim to figure that out, not surprisingly.) There’s a reason he has no friends. There’s a reason he had crappy job after crappy job until he finally landed in the civil service (which really isn’t much of an accomplishment, is it?) There’s a reason he has never been a successful journalist or creative writer.

    There’s a reason for everything, and the reason is Bill himself: Narcissist with no empathy and even less talent. Yet, the narcissist cries out to his “Twitter allies” and anyone who will read his crappy blog that he is not being treated fairly. Wah, wah, wah. No Bill, you got (and will continue to get) exactly what you deserve in life, just like we all do. That’s how these things work.

    The sad thing is that it’s probably too late for you. You think you’re clever, you think you’re smart, you think you’re talented, you think you’re special, but you are none of these. You have the emotional maturity of a toddler which is why you act up like one. You’ll never change your behavior, and even if you could or would, you’ve burned nearly every bridge you’ve ever crossed. You did this to yourself, pal. Your parents would be so proud of you.


    • I am fairly sure that I have been following the exploits of Commodore Quaalude than anyone on this blog. Most likely than anyone currently on Twitter. He reared his dented head to me and a few others all the way back in Oct 2011 while he was of course, harassing a man form Georgia named Bill Looman for stating that he would hire no one until Obama was out of office. Then the lies about Bill started. Looman and I began corresponding shortly after. Then, Schmuckfeldt was CONVINCED that someone had set up a fake occupy website and was funneling money from the true cause. He prides himself in shutting it down. Sadly, he had nothing to do with its departure from my interwebz. It was a joke that had run its course and he will never admit it, but there was NO DONATION functionality on the website. But did that stop Schmedward R. Murrow from harassing an old man from Oklahoma, an elderly man that of course had ZERO to do with it, to the point of making said old man ill? Of course it didn’t.
      And then there was Operation Burn Notice. Some of the funniest stuff you have ever experienced on the interwebz with your clothes on.
      Of course, Oberstfuhrer Obtuse was clueless. His first correspondence to the FB page was, “You have until 7pm to remove this page or I will unleash Hel, blah, blah, blah..” This was the wrong group of folks to present with an ultimatum.
      Anyway. He has been providing comic relief to a group of friends and I for nearly three years. He is a blockhead with absolutely NO JUICE.
      I will start posting a daily screenshot for the GBs of them I have from Inspector Jiggles on my Twitter feed.
      You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!


  12. Could someone, preferably with at least a shred of sanity, look at the reviews Willy claims I wrote and tell me how in God’s name he linked them to me? I realize he’s pretty much lost touch with reality in the past 24 hours, but this is weird. And he keeps using that guy’s name without being sure who it really is. He’s nuts.


    • I was just coming here to look for the answer to that. I see him say it’s you leaving the reviews as “LS”, but proof? He needs no proof. The Great Schmalfeldt declares it to be you so it must be you. Good God what an ignorant man he is. Every time I think he can’t possibly do anything to top the last stupid thing he as done, he proves me wrong.

      Oh, and Cabin Boy? Still waiting for you to have the 5 star reviews removed from the people that admitted NOT reading your books before reviewing them. Tick Tock….


  13. Frankie asks:

    I know there is a pretty good page on the Knots blog, but is there any place that captures the true failure that calls itself Schmalfeldt?

    That is the “beauty” of Teh Schmalfeldt. No matter what he writes, or where he writes it, teh fail is soon to follow. He is teh fail. He embodies all that is great about teh fail. He has met teh fail, and it is he.

    “My name is Willymandias, schlub of schlubs:
    Look on my fail, ye Mighty, and despair!”

    As I’ve said before, he’s such an unholy mess that’s it’s nothing short of a miracle that he can turn on his computer without electrocuting himself.


  14. I have never seen our host suggest anyone contact the Cabin Boy, despite his delusional certainty of it. It’s sad really to see how the dementia has totally taken over, at least for today. Of course, I’ve never seen the Cabin Boy without dementia, but it seems somehow even more bizarre today.

    CBBS obsesses over our host and imagines some grand battle. Our host simply wants CBBS to leave him alone. We can all see that but CBBS can’t. Every thing our host writes/does with regard to CBBS is preceded by an action by CBBS; an action that can’t be ignored.

    Of course, most of the taunts and dares, most of the defamation CBBS spews at our host are ignored by Mr. Hoge, which only enrages CBBS further. I swear he reminds me of Fatal Attraction: “I will NOT be ignored!!eleventy!!”

    CBBS seems so enmeshed with this delusion I doubt professional help would make any difference. It’s all he has in this world, apparently. Several tweets today begging progs for backup, but they’ve apparently decided they don’t need someone like him in their ranks. Makes them look bad. And they’re right about that.

    Stupid, demented, alone… sad… but he brought it on himself and continues to alienate.

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