SOUND: Cell phone rings once.
JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.
PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Johnny? Where are you? I thought you’d be back today.
JOHNNY: Not yet. I’ve taken a detour to run down another lead.
PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Oh?
JOHNNY: I’m driving back from Chicago rather than flying. It’s given me a chance to stop off along the way and interview some witnesses.
PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Witnesses? To what? Where?
JOHNNY: Right now, I’m in Bloomington.
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …
JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of Short-Fused Dud Matter.
THE GRIMMACE TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @JohnnyAtsign. Call me. I have an old girlfriend you’d like to meet.
JOHNNY: The Grimmace is an old colleague from a previous adventure. When I called him he told me of an old girlfriend he had had in Bloomington years ago. Through her, he had met several interesting people, and one of them was of particular interest to me, a young kid dealing dope. It turned out that The Grimmace’s friend was still in Bloomington where she was practicing law. I arranged to meet her at the B Town Diner across the street from The Bluebird. And not too far from the Monroe County Courthouse.
SOUND: Restaurant background.
JOHNNY: MizB, thank you for meeting me.
MIZB: When The Grimmace called me and told me what you’re investigating, I wanted to help.
MIZB: Look, I hung out with some … shall we say … interesting characters when I was in school—The Grimmace is an example—and almost all of us got our acts together and became responsible adults. The Bomber, on the other hand, went from being a petty criminal to something much worse. I thought he was still in prison for the stuff he did up in Speedway. I hadn’t heard anything about him since the VP dope dealing lies.
JOHNNY: Why do you call those stories lies?
MIZB: Because they are. The Bomber met the VP-to-be through me. I grew up with the VP’s wife, but we really didn’t hang out together here in Bloomington. The Bomber happened to be at my place when she came by introduce her new husband to me. The Grimmace was there too. Ask him.
JOHNNY: OK, what else do you want to tell me?
MIZB: (Fade out) Like I said, he started out as a small time dealer …
SOUND: Restaurant background out.
ANNOUNCER: Well, it looks like Johnny will be driving back from Bloomington, and that’s a fairly long haul down I-70. Fortunately, he has his own Johnny Atsign Travel Mug with him to keep his road coffee warm. Johnny Atsign, Team Lickspittle, and Res Judicata travel mugs are available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today, spend some money, and show your support for Team Lickspittle.
SOUND: Road noise. Car interior POV.
SOUND: Cell phone rings twice. Caller’s POV.
PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Hello, Johnny.
JOHNNY: Yeah, it’s me. Isn’t Caller ID wonderful? Got a minute?
PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Of course. Where are you?
JOHNNY: Wheeling just disappeared in the rear view mirror. I’ll be back in the morning.
PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) So, was your stop in Indiana worthwhile?
JOHNNY: I’d say so. One thing for sure—The Bomber isn’t fondly remembered by his former associates there. If some of this stuff checks out, it will expand what we know from that biography. I’ll give you a complete report tomorrow.
SOUND: Road noise out.
JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @ProBono Wait till you see this expense report!
MUSIC: Theme up and under
ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.
JOHNNY: Next week? Pick a card. Any card. Join us, won’t you?
Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Swell theme and under
ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.