Blognet

MUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A group of bloggers have been writing about the activities of a paroled domestic terrorist and his associates. He, in turn, has sued them, and there appears to be some irregularities with service of process. Your job … sort out the facts.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual crime. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end. From crime to punishment. Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.

FRIDAY: It was Saturday, January 11th. It was cold and raining in Westminster. We were working the day shift out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The boss is Twitter Town Sheriff, W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 11:14 am when Liz and I went to Room S-121. Forensics.

SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across office.

LAB GUY: Hey, Joe. Liz. Thanks for coming over.

FRIDAY: No problem. Whatcha got for us?

LAB GUY: Here’s an exhibit that was filed in that state lawsuit that you two were asking about. It’s a Certified Mail Return Receipt, the green card.

FRIDAY: Uh, huh.

LAB GUY: Here’s an exhibit from the federal suit the same guy filed. It’s a green card too. What do you make of ’em”

SMITH: They’re to the same person, and … yep … they have the same tracking number. That means it’s the same card in both exhibits.

FRIDAY: Hold it. I thought both of those exhibits were proof of service of process.

SMITH: They are or are supposed to be.

FRIDAY: What was he thinking? Timberland has to file the original the card as proof of service in both cases. He can’t physically file the same card in both state and federal courts. That blows proof of service in one of the suits.

LAB GUY: That’s not the half of it.

SMITH: What do you mean?

LAB GUY: He filed that state exhibit in December and the federal exhibit this week. He also filed this exhibit in the state case this week. Take a look.

SMITH: OK, it’s a color copy. It’s the same card.

LAB GUY: Look closer. Compare the lower right corner of the card in the two copies.

FRIDAY: Oh.

LAB GUY: Yeah. That would be a problem, wouldn’t it?

FRIDAY: The Restricted Delivery box is only marked on the newer copy. Could the mark faded out on the black and white copies?

LAB GUY: Not likely. And every other line and mark on the copies is the same. Besides, there’s other evidence.

FRIDAY: How’s that?

LAB GUY: Your guy provided the Post Office receipts for the mail as one the exhibits in his federal pleading?

SMITH: And …

LAB GUY: And it shows he didn’t pay for Restricted Delivery.

SMITH: Talk about careless. He shoulda hired a process server.

FRIDAY: He wouldn’t.

SMITH: Why not?

FRIDAY: If he’s too cheap to spend under five bucks for a check mark …

MUSIC: Stinger and under.

FRIDAY: When we got back to our office, Liz emailed the defense counsel in the state case to advise him of Timberland’s forgery.

Monday, January 13th, 12:06 pm.

SOUND: Telephone rings once.

FRIDAY: Internet Detail. Friday. … Yes, sir. … I’m glad you were able to use it. … Oh, how’s that? … I see. … Do you know when that will be scheduled? … No, we can watch the docket from here. … Is there anything else you need from us? … Uh, huh. … No, that’s not a problem. … Yes, sir. Good bye.

SMITH: Who was that?

FRIDAY: The defense lawyer in the Timberland lawsuit. He wanted to thank us for that information on the green cards. It seems the judge denied Timberland’s motion based on it.

SMITH: Good.

FRIDAY: He says he’s going to ask the judge to sanction Timberland, and he’s interested in any more evidence we turn up.

So we dug in to the other leads we had. Just because the target of an investigation is clueless doesn’t mean that he fails to leave clues all over.

Tuesday, April 8th.

SMITH: Well, that’s the last of ’em, Joe. All eight forgeries that we know about.

FRIDAY: Yeah. In three different case. He’s been busy. OK, zip up the evidence and email it to the lawyer. He may not need it all tomorrow, but it won’t hurt for him to have it.

SMITH: So many of these are just dumb mistakes. All he had to do with most of these was check the right box and pay the right postage. You get what you pay for.

FRIDAY: Yeah, and now he can pay for what he got.

MUSIC: Up and under.

NARRATOR: On April 9th, a hearing on a motion for sanctions was held in the Circuit Court for Montgomery County, Maryland. In a moment the results of that hearing.

MUSIC: Stinger.

ANNOUNCER: Are you a loyal supporter of Team Lickspittle? If you are, you should be showing you support by wearing a Team t-shirt, sweatshirt, or hoodie. They’re just some of the useful trinkets with the Team Likespittle, Res Judicata, Johnny Atsign, and The Grand Hog logos you’ll find at The Hogewash Store. Why not go by today and spend a bit of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle? All those goodies are available exclusively at The Hogewash Store.

NARRATOR: On April 9th, a hearing was held in the Circuit Court for Montgomery County, Maryland, to determine whether Timberland should be sanctioned for altering a document submitted to the Court. He was found to have altered the document in question but was not fined or otherwise punished. However, information relating to the alteration of documents in the federal proceedings has been forwarded law enforcement. Alteration of a document in a federal proceedings is a crime punishable by confinement in a federal penitentiary for 20 years.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System. Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

6 thoughts on “Blognet


  1. Old Army culture:

    There is an award called an “Atta-Boy” or “Atta-Girl” as appropriate. The award goes on to list the deed deserving of special recognition. At the bottom of the award in extremely fine print it reads: ‘One “Aw-Shit” wipes out 1000 “Atta-Boys” or “Atta-Girls” as appropriate’

    Guess KGB and the Norks (Sounds like a VR group) are about a gazillion Atta-Girls in the hole after last Wednesday!


    • I agree. It’s important for him to be legally held to account for everything.

      This is a man who tormented people even while he was behind bars. He’s a total menace outside of bars. He can’t handle freedom, or the ability to make court filings, without constantly abusing it to harm the enemies he keeps making.

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