Blognet


MUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. Strange documents are being filed in court cases against bloggers. They seem to be forgeries. Your job … expose them.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual crime. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end. From crime to punishment. Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in corridor.

FRIDAY: It was Saturday, January 11th. It was sunny and cold in Westminster. We were working the day watch out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The boss is Twitter Town Sheriff, W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 6:58 am when I got to the office that morning.

SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across room. Chair pulled out as Friday sits down.

FRIDAY: Morning, Liz?

SMITH: Hey, Joe. Want some coffee. The pot’s just finished dripping.

SOUND: Sounds good.

SMITH: OK.

SOUND: Footsteps across the room. Chair pulled out as Liz sits down.

SMITH: Here.

FRIDAY: Thanks. Anything new on that mess that came in late yesterday?

SOUND: Paper shuffling.

SMITH: No. The overnight report says everything was quiet. Nothing came in from either New Jersey or Texas.

FRIDAY: Well, there’re other leads to run down still.

SOUND: A door opens.

SHERIFF: Joe, Liz, come in here for a moment.

SOUND: Chairs move away from table. Footsteps

SMITH: What’s up, boss?

SHERIFF: Maybe nothing. I’m not sure yet, but we need to watch something.

FRIDAY: What ya’ got?

SHERIFF: Have you two been following that lawsuit that Timberland has filed against that long list of bloggers last fall?

FRIIDAY: If you mean the federal RICO suit, yes.

SMITH: I’ve paid more attention to the suit in state court. I guess we’ve got both bases covered.

SHERIFF: The judge in the RICO suit ordered Timberland to submit a report on service of process on the defendants, and some of the evidence in his exhibits seems a little suspicious.

FRIDAY: How’s that?

SHERIFF: Here, take a look at this. It’s supposed to be a copy of a returned Certified Mail envelope.

FRIDAY: OK. It’s got a green card attached … let’s see … oh … the postage.

SMITH: Yeah. You couldn’t sent an envelope that size by plain First Class Mail for a dollar and twenty-five cents. There’s no way that’s enough postage for Certified Mail.

SHERIFF: We need to go through everything filed in both cases. It’s not adding up.

FRIDAY: We’re on it. Say, haven’t you been calling one of the anonymous bloggers in the RICO case “Elvis.”

SHERIFF: Yeah. Why?

FRIDAY: Maybe it’s time for “Elvis” to release a new version of Return to Sender.

MUSIC: Stinger and under.

FRIDAY: We decided to cross check each other’s work. While Liz went through the docket in the federal case from PACER, I went down to the Montgomery County Circuit Courthouse to check out files that weren’t online.

SOUND: Busy courthouse foyer in background.

CLERK: Can I help you, sir?

FRIDAY: Yes. I need to look at a couple of case dockets. Here are the case numbers.

SOUND: Typing on keyboard.

CLERK: OK. I can get the civil case for you. That criminal case is a District Court case. You’d normally have to go across the street for it. Don’t bother.

FRIDAY: Why not?

CLERK: It was sealed last week. They won’t let you see it without a court order.

FRIDAY: OK. Well, let me have the civil case, please.

CLERK: Sure. I’ll be right back.

FRIDAY: The clerk brought me a couple of thick file folders. I read through them and selected items to be copies.

SOUND: Background out.

FRIDAY: They charge 50 cents per page. Twenty-three dollars and fifty cents later I headed back to the office.

SOUND: Footsteps in corridor.

FRIDAY: It was 2:19 pm when I returned.

SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across room. Chair pulled out as Friday sits down.

SMITH: Find anything, Joe?

FRIDAY: Like you said, there were a bunch of exhibits attached to his motions. There’re are couple here that are interesting.

SMITH: I’ve found a couple here. Take a look at this. It’s supposed to be the Certified Mail Return Receipt for a piece of mail to someone named Alex Acton. It’s another exhibit in Timberland’s report on service. If I remember correctly, he filed the same green card in the state case.

FRIDAY: You’re right.

SOUND: Paper shuffling.

FRIDAY: I just saw it in a sanctions motion … let’s see … right, here it is … uh, huh, the names, addresses, and tracking numbers match … but that doesn’t.

SMITH: What doesn’t, Joe?

FRIDAY: Take a look at the Restricted Delivery boxes.

SMITH: Yeah, I see. The state version has a check mark. The federal doesn’t. One has been altered.

FRIDAY: That’s about the size of it.

SMITH: We’d better notify the counsel in the state hearing. The altered document’s in an exhibit relating to a motion about service of process on Acton. It’s next Monday.

FRIDAY: Let’s get it all organized and email it to him. Draft the email, and I’ll brief the boss.

SMITH: You gotta wonder why he thinks he can get away with this sort of funny paperwork.

FRIDAY: Somehow, I don’t think the judge will be amused on Monday.

MUSIC: Up and under.

NARRATOR: On January 13th, a hearing was held in the Circuit Court for Montgomery County, Maryland. In a moment the result of that hearing.

MUSIC: Stinger.

ANNOUNCER: Are you a loyal supporter of Team Lickspittle? If you are, you should be showing you support by wearing a Team t-shirt, sweatshirt, or hoodie. They’re just some of the useful trinkets with the Team Likespittle, Res Judicata, Johnny Atsign, and The Grand Hog logos you’ll find at The Hogewash Store. Why not go by today and spend a bit of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle? All those goodies are available exclusively at The Hogewash Store.

NARRATOR: On January 13th, a hearing was held in the Circuit Court for Montgomery County, Maryland, in the matter of the alleged service on Alex Acton. The court found that the documents submitted in support of various motions to be questionable. The motion was denied, and Bart Timberland is now facing a motion for sanctions. Sanctions could include dismissal of his lawsuit and an order to pay the defendants’ expenses and legal fees.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System. Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

4 thoughts on “Blognet

  1. I keep getting this funny feeling that what you divulge is just the tip of iceberg of what you know. But being a lickspittle moron, what do I know?

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