Acme’s Legal Analysis

Noted legal “reporter” Bill Schmalfeldt has published his analysis of one of Aaron Walker’s motions in the Kimberlin v. The Universe, et al. RICO Madness over at Patriot-Ombudsman (No, I won’t link to it.).P-O20140204aThe Cabin Boy™ seems to think that there is something untoward about Aaron Walker filing a motion for leave to exceed normal page length at the same time as he files his long reply to The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin’s opposition to the Hoge and Walker motions to dismiss. In fact, such simultaneous filing is a normal procedure. BTW, my reply would also have exceed the limit if I had decided to go after every error in TDPK’s opposition. Instead, I included this in my reply:

Because of the 25-page limit on this Reply (L.R. 105.3), only a partial list of deficiencies follows.

It’s interesting that the Cabin Boy™ seems to believe that the defendants should be held to all the Rules but believes that TDPK should get a free pass when he ignores them. Even after a warning from the judge, TDPK continued for several weeks refusing to include his email address and phone number in his signature block as required by Federal Rule of Civil Procedure 11(a). He has neglected to include a table of contents on pleadings longer than 25 pages as required by Local Rule 105. He’s neglected to provide an index of exhibits or tab his exhibit when he has submitted more than five (L.R. 105 again). And so on.

Another ludicrous comment from the Cabin Boy™ was his remark that the judge will be upset by defendants “telling” him what to do. Actually, the whole point of written pleadings is to explain to the judge why the parties believe he should rule in their favor. Here’s a sampling of how the various defendants have asked the judge for relief:

Walker—” … Plaintiff has failed to meet those pleading standards, and, therefore, the Amended Complaint should be dismissed.”
Malkin—”The FAC’s RICO count is serially deficient under Rule 12(b)(6) and should be dismissed. ”
The Franklin Center—”So therefore under current precedent, the claim for false light is barred under the Statute of Limitations and should be dismissed”.
DB Capitol Strategies—”These facts are insufficient to state a claim under 18 U.S.C. 1962(c), and, as such, Plaintiff’s first claim should be dismissed.”
Hoge—”Thus, Plaintiff’s count based in 42 U.S.C. § 1985 should be dismissed with prejudice against all Defendants.”

We defendants lay out the facts and the law and tell the court what we believe it should do. TDPK, on the other hand, tells the court what it must do.TheCourtMustFurthermore, TDPK cites old case law that has been overturned by the Supreme Court as his authority for telling the judge what he must do. Given that Judge Grimm has cited the same Supreme Court decision, Ashcroft v. Iqbal, 566 U.S. 662, 678 (2009), that we defendants suggest is good law in several recent rulings, … oh, never mind …

#Fail

26 thoughts on “Acme’s Legal Analysis


  1. Something you might to point out to the court, which may think it is dealing with a neophyte:
    “Sent to prison in 1979 on drug trafficking and explosives charges, Kimberlin quickly enrolled as a law major in a State University of New York correspondence program. He took his bachelor’s degree, got certified as a paralegal, and became an effective jailhouse lawyer.” http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/articles/9854/jailbird-rock


    • One of my motions contains the following quote from Citizen K:

      Also at Oxford, where the University of Wisconsin extension service had an office within the prison walls, Kimberlin began enrolling in college-level courses. He would spend the next six years achieving a Bachelor of Science degree in human service, with a specialization in community legal services, issued by Thomas Edison State University of New Jersey. Along the way, he also picked up an Associate of Science degree from the State University of New York and a paralegal degree from Blackstone School of Law, in Dallas. His final college transcript showed a cumulative grade point average of 3.96.


      • I like A Reader’s quote better as it gets right down to business. Short and plain and true and quite enough to banish tender mercy for a babe in the woods.


      • True, but it’s also true that the Washington City a paper piece was done with BKs full cooperation, with BK assisting with biographical details, and was essentially publicity for his musical “rock star” aspirations.

        He’s such a weasel. In Citizen K, he was all about capitalizing on his notoriety (wasp wrt his “political prisoner” status to reward the world with his genius/get revenge and be famous. In the City paper article he seems to have realized how cheesy and ugly that is and paints himself as above using his past to get noticed…it’s all about his art and genius.


  2. Cabin Boy is really doubling down on his stupidity. Lawyers file motions to exceed page lengths concurrent with the pleading all that time. Standard practice.


  3. Here are some other things you can use in response to BK’s Answer to your motions:

    1. Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy, a kid’ll ivy, too, wouldn’t you?
    2. Mr. K. is confused? What about the rest of us?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29BoqCMRBFk
    3. That’s the most foul, crude, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!


  4. If Schmalfeldt is suffering physical deterioration from the stress of reading the comment section of an internet blog, would not his health improve if he simply stopped reading the comment section of an internet blog? Maybe get outside and get some fresh air?

    Maybe he thinks his health would improve if everyone in the world would just do what he tells them to do.

    In any event, Schmalfeldt is no longer an issue. His tirades are squirrelly distractions, intentional or not.

    Keep your eye on the ball.


  5. Guys, we better cool it with all the pointing out of Cabin Boy’s odd rantings, glaring contradictions, and general buffoonery. He will MAKE US ALL PAY. Seriously, NIGHTMARISH PROPORTIONS!!1! He may attack from all the different versions of his Twitter account and all 172 (est.) radio stations he runs/has run/will run.


  6. I suspect that Kimberlin pays BS for his ministry of truthiness. The only other possible explanation that I can come up with is that BS is bored and living life without purpose. All of this attacking and histrionics perhaps give him some sort of purpose to an otherwise shitty life. I say shitty literally, what with all the dog poop in his bed.


    • An alternate theory which I don’t see bandied about much is that Schmalfeldt is a full bore sock puppet of the meat variety. Meaning that he is essentially some old crippled computer illiterate dude that BK (or others) pose as and use the identity for poking their perceived enemies. The theory offers a nice solution to the “I’m dying from this awful PD”/”I’m doing just peachy” seeming contradictions in the BS timeline.


      • I’ve assumed pinch hitting goes on from time to time. However, his nastiness has a long back-story and he’s really that obsessive and awful.


      • He dives for the sympathy card whenever he realizes he has gone too far. Its just one of the many repellant things about his vile character.


  7. Speaking of Acme, this story is interesting: http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2014/02/no-fly-list-bungle/
    Why? It points out that pro bono attorneys, in addition to $3.8 million in attorneys fees, incurred $300,000 in fees. Something to keep in mind the next time the Cabin Boy whines about fundraising to cover FEES. Something else to keep in mind is that if a pro bono is awarded attorneys fees, he can collect even though he was not charging his client.


  8. I read some of Mr. Schmalfeldt’s “editorials” at Patriot-Ombudsman. This seems to be a very disturbed individual. Unbalanced to say the least! (nopunintended)


  9. So BS provides as proof of his disability a letter dated March 9, 2011, from the office of personnel management, where it states that “we have found you disabled for your position as a Writer due to advanced stage of idiopathic Parkinson’s Disease.”

    I’m confused. Does BS have someone doing all writing for him? He is in legal documents, filed with the Feds, as a “reporter.” Would not this mean that BS is no longer eligible to receive disability?

    If, as I suspect he is, the dread alleged child sexual abuser Kimberlin is paying BS, would this payment not affect his disability status? As far as I can tell, the ONLY thing BS does well is write. And by well, I’m talking quantity of production, not quality.


    • Theory: He was so unpleasant and sloppy in his work, they were glad to have an excuse to get him out of there.

      Also, since you bring up child abuse this is a good time to remind folks that Sandra Barton testified under oath that BK struck her daughter at least twice, and also kidnapped the kid’s puppy as discipline… a child not his own and no relation to him.

      In his own words, “I didn’t even hit her, it was just a smack on the face” “because she lied to me.”


      • My mother smacked me on the face once. Knocked out my tooth. Was it like that Brett? Was it like that kind of “smack”?

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