Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, it’s Aaron.

JOHNNY: Good morning!

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Your tweet said that you found something.

JOHNNY: Certified copies.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Of the charging documents?

JOHNNY: Yep.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) When can I come up and see them?

JOHNNY: I’m free all day.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of Short-Fused Dud Matter. I think it was Hunter S. Thompson who said, “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”

THE GROUCH TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @JohnnyAtsign That looks like Aaron’s handwriting to me.

JOHNNY: The Bomber had sued a large crowd of bloggers and media people for defamation. One of his claims is that their reporting on a fresh set of criminal charges filed against him was unfair because they had bribed the victim to file the charges in the first place. He contended that Aaron has prepared the Application for Statement of Charges that the victim filed. His proof was that the paperwork had been typed up in advance when most applications are handwritten. When the handwritten addendum on the form was noted, The Grouch, who often served as The Bomber’s PR flack, sent that tweet.

AARON: I didn’t write that.

JOHNNY: I know. It’s legible. Also, I compared it with other samples of the victim’s handwriting. It’s a match.

AARON: Good. Well, now that we’ve got the certified copy, it’s evidence that can be introduced in court. The Clerk’s certification makes it self-authenticating.

JOHNNY: Yeah. Even if The Bomber has intimidated the victim into not testifying, you’ve got your proof.

AARON: And if the victim were to actually completely change sides and try to testify for The Bomber, the certified record would impeach that testimony.

JOHNNY: But without favorable testimony from a third party, he’s screwed in the state case. He can’t testify because of that perjury conviction.

AARON: Yeah. But he still can in the federal lawsuit.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @thegrouch Sorry, it’s not Aaron’s handwriting.

ANNOUNCER: We’re watching the snow falling outside the studio window. It’s gonna be one of those cold nights when you want to something warm to drink, say a good cup of coffee in a Johnny Atsign mug. Another good way to fight that chill is a Team Lickspittle blanket wrap. Why not get yours today? Team Lickspittle sweatshirts and hoodies are just some of the trinkets you can waste your hard-earned cash on, stuff exclusively available at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle.

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, it’s Aaron. He’s amended his complaint.

JOHNNY: What? Who? The Bomber? He only filed day before yesterday.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Well, you have to admit the original was full of errors.

JOHNNY: Well, yeah.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) His biggest problem was that he didn’t list everyone the text of the complaint references as a defendant in the caption. That made them non-parties.

JOHNNY: So he fixed it?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Not exactly.

JOHNNY: What?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) He’s still left someone off.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @Goodguyunmask Hey! Who’s been proofreading your paperwork?

MUSIC: Theme up and under

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next week? As a deadline approaches, something goes dead in the water. Join us, won’t you.

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

2 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

  1. You know, it is interesting, this whole having your spouse testify thing. I do believe that would destroy spousal privilege….

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