Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, it’s Aaron.

JOHNNY: What’s up?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) I know that we’ve had you busy with The Grouch, but The Bomber is stirring stuff up again.


AARON: Yeah. It’s been pretty ugly, and it looks like he’s trying to deal with his anger by suing a bunch of bloggers, including me.

JOHNNY: Sounds like him.

AARON: I’ve got some stuff for you to check out.

JOHNNY: Well, it’s the way I make my living.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of Short-Fused Dud Matter. This is a story that kept wrapping around itself as the activities of The Grouch and The Bomber intertwined.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) Has The Bomber sued anyone else? Asking for a friend.

JOHNNY: Aaron was right about an ugly situation. It involved a dispute between members of The Bomber’s family, and it was not solved amicably. The Bomber was upset by the publicity and chose to sue some of the bloggers who had covered the affair. He’s sued for the usual million bucks.

Although he often comes up my way, Aaron lives well south of Westminster. We wound up meeting in a restaurant near DC.

SOUND: Restaurant background.

AARON: So here’s of copy of his complaint in the suit. You can see where I’ve highlighted the obvious misstatements.

JOHNNY: Misstatements? From what I know already, I can say some are barefaced lies.

AARON: “Misstatement” is lawyer talk for “lie.”

JOHNNY: Yeah, I know.

AARON: You can bet that most of the rest of it is either untrue or based on half-truths at best. What I need you to do is nail down as much documentation as possible for stuff I haven’t marked.

JOHNNY: Uh, huh. Let me scan this again.

SOUND: Several seconds of background without dialogue.

JOHNNY: Was The Bomber smoking leftovers from his drug smuggling days when he wrote this? I’ll see what I can turn up. Meanwhile, who’s turn is it to buy lunch?

SOUND: Background fades.

ANNOUNCER: Were you cold last night while you were sitting on the couch watching Sherlock on PBS? One good way to fight that chill is a Team Lickspittle blanket wrap. Why not get yours today? Team Lickspittle sweatshirts and hoodies are just some of the trinkets you can waste your hard-earned cash on, stuff exclusively available at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle.

JOHNNY: It was one on those usual cases that was mostly just slogging through details. And then it got a bit more interesting.

AARON TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @JohnnyAtsign He’s added a RICO suit with over 20 defendants.

SOUND: Phone ringing. Callers POV.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Hello?

JOHNNY: A RICO suit with 20 defendants?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Oh, it’s you, Johnny. Yep. He’s filed in federal court.

JOHNNY: My first reaction was that he’s been smoking leftovers, but it makes sense. He can’t testify in a Maryland state court because of the perjury conviction. He can in federal court. 20 defendants? Is going after deep pockets?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) 22 actually. And, yeah, deep pockets. Big Name Publisher is one of the defendants. He claims that they’ve been in a RICO conspiracy with me for almost two years.

SOUND: Road noise. Car interior POV.

JOHNNY: I’m supposed to be America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator, but many of documents that have to be run down only exist on paper that is scattered around the country in courthouses and business. And so I found myself on the road running back and forth to Montgomery County as leads developed.

SOUND: Road noise fades.

JOHNNY TWEETS: @Aaron I found it in the District Courthouse.

MUSIC: Theme up and under

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next week? Just when you think something can’t get screwier, it does. Join us, won’t you.

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

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