SOUND: Skype Ringing Once. Handset picked up.
JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.
STRIDER: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, it’s Strider. He’s here.
STRIDER: (Telephone Filter) The Bomber. He’s here at the courthouse. He’s been stalking my wife in the parking lot.
STRIDER: (Telephone Filter) He must have found out I was filing that paperwork.
JOHNNY: Is your wife OK?
STRIDER: (Telephone Filter) She’s safe, but she’s in tears.
JOHNNY: I’m on my way.
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …
JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of Short-Fused Dud Matter. After talking to Strider, I quickly closed up the file I was working on, and headed out the door. I tweeted to Strider from my phone on the way to the parking lot.
JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @Strider ETA courthouse 45 minutes.
SOUND: CAR ROAD NOISE. INTERIOR POV.
JOHHNY: Traffic was moving better than usual for that time of day. I made it to the courthouse in 38 minutes. I pulled into the courthouse lot and spotted Strider’s car. He and his wife were standing next to it, waiting from me.
SOUND: CAR STOPPING. INTERIOR POV. CAR DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES. FOOTSTEPS.
JOHNNY: Are you folks OK?
MRS. STRIDER: I’ve never been so scared!
STRIDER: He was stalking her here in the parking lot.
MRS. STRIDER: He walked right up to the car and circled it.
JOHNNY: Whoa. Take it from the top.
STRIDER: We stopped by to file the paperwork to get a peace order against The Grouch. In between the time I filed it with the Commissioner and the ex parte hearing with the judge, the case must have gone into the online data base. The Bomber showed up and was trying to see if he could intervene in some way on The Grouch’s behalf.
JOHNNY: Uh, huh.
STRIDER: Since he was wandering around the courthouse, I sent her out to the car. At some point, he went out to the parking lot, and he found our car.
JOHNNY: Well, it’s the only one in the lot with out-of-state tags.
MRS. STRIDER: He walked up behind the car and was studying it. As he walked around it, our eyes met in the mirror. He got in his car and drove it around and parked in the empty space in front of me. Then he got out his phone and started taking pictures. I took one of him too.
JOHNNY: Uh, huh. What then?
MRS. STRIDER: I called Strider, and he told me to come up to the courthouse.
STRIDER: I had advised the bailiffs, and they called in the county police. I went out to see what was happening as she was running in. While we were talking with the courthouse security people by the courthouse door, The Bomber drove off. They told us that the cops stopped him but didn’t hold him.
JOHNNY: Wow. Look, you guys need to chill before you drive all the way home. I’ll follow you to my place, and you can relax and calm down there.
ANNOUNCER: Well, it’s too late now to do any Christmas shopping at The Hogewash Store, but there’s still time to buy yourself a New Year’s gift. Why not toast the New Year with a set of Johnny Atsign drinking glasses. They’re available exclusively at The Hogewash Store online.
RULE 5 GIRL TWEETS: (FEMALE SYNTH VOICE) @JohnnyAtsign The Bomber has published pictures of Mr & Mrs Strider on Goodguys Unmasked.
JOHNNY: Oh, wonderful! Look what The Bomber’s done.
MRS. STRIDER: That’s me! He took that picture while he was sitting in his car parked in front of me.
JOHNNY: It sure looks like it. Look, you have your phone in front of your face.
MRS. STRIDER: I was taking his picture. Do you want a copy.
JOHNNY: Yet bet.
MRS. STRIDER: I’ll email it to you.
JOHNNY: He’s really screwed up this time.
STRIDER: What do you mean?
JOHNNY: Well, The Bomber keeps denying that he has anything to do with the Goodguys Unmasked website or the @Goodguysunmask Twitter account.
JOHNNY: So how did Goodguys Unmasked get these pictures so quickly?
JOHNNY: Yeah, this may tie up some loose ends.
MUSIC: Theme up and under
ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.
JOHNNY: Next week? Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. But not every loss is a total defeat. Join us, won’t you. And have a Merry Christmas!
Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Swell theme and under
ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.