Episode 5

Blogsmoke

SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

SOUND: FOOTSTEP DOWN HALLWAY

JOHN: (VOICE OVER FOOTSTEPS) Well, I guess I’d better go down stairs to the Clerk’s Office and file an appeal.

AARON: Yes, and it will be a trial de novo. You’ll be able to introduce and emphasize the evidence that he was on notice.

JOHN: Maybe he’ll pay attention to what his lawyer just told him and knock it off.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS FADE

JOHN: And I got a new trial date for the appeal in the Circuit Court, the 14th of June, 3-1/2 months away. The Grouch didn’t heed the judge’s notice to stop contacting me. He didn’t take his lawyer’s advice about not harassing me. He kept up send me tweets until the night before the trial.

THE GROUCH: (THROUGH A SMALL SPEAKER) 8:39 pm. On this night before I have to drag my ass up to Westminster to face @WJJHoge one more time, there are some things I want him to know. 8:40 pm. @WJJHoge. You are wrong. You are wrong about everything. I do not work “for” The Bomber. I have never worked “for” The Bomber.

8:42 pm. Other than a few times, I have never pushed a “thumbs down on your blog, @WJJHoge, because I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU! 8:43 pm. If it were not for the fact that you are forcing me to make, what is for me, a very arduous and difficult trip to Westminster, @WJJHoge, I would not necessarily rejoice over seeing your obituary, sir, but neither would I weep a bitter tear.

8:45 pm. Make your argument about how dangerous you think I am and I will try not to laugh out loud as you outline your weird conspiracy. 8:46 pm. I hope the judge can maintain his decorum as well. We will prevail, @WJJHoge. Nothing has changed in the intervening time that changes the original decision. 8:47 pm. My hope is that after my lawyer has disposed of you, you FINALLY realize you can not not use me as a weapon to GET The Bomber. @WJJHoge. 8:48 pm. My hope is that after my lawyer has disposed of you, you FINALLY realize you can not not use me as a weapon to GET The Bomber. @WJJHoge.

8:51 pm. It just amazes me that a man who can show the occasional flash of brilliance, like you @wjjhoge, is so consumed by hatred of The Bomber that you’ve LOST YOUR MIND where he’s concerned. 8:52 pm. @wjjhoge and will hurt whoever you have to hurt, cause untold pain to “Get” your personal white whale. 8:53 pm. You will not get “Moby” through me, Mr. @WJJhoge.

8:54 pm. Now, make fun of me some more as I dread the physical suffering I will endure tomorrow just to satisfy your ego, @wjjhoge.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4

ZOA: I show you Petitioner’s Exhibit 2. Can you identify it?

JOHN: Yes. It is a tweet I received. It was sent by The Grouch early in the afternoon of the day I posted my demand to stop contacting me. His tweet contains a reference to my blog post presumably indicating that he was aware of it.

JUDGE: Mr. Kim?

KIM: No objection, Your Honor.

ZOA: (FADING OUT) Here are Petitioner’s Exhibits 3 and 4. Can you …

ANNOUNCER: The holidays are upon us. Some of you are already thinking about your Christmas shopping and getting prepared for Black Friday. Do you have someone on your shopping list who seems to have everything? What do you get someone like that? How about a bag to keep some of his stuff in? While a Team Lickspittle messenger bags aren’t magic Bags of Holding, they are handy. Order one today and avoid the Black Friday rush. They’re available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle.

And now back to our story.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

JUDGE: (FADE IN TO FULL MIKE) These are ways we communicate today. What your doing is the same as junk telemarketing calls or spam emails, and it has been directed to Mr. Hoge. That’s an important distinction. It’s communication to Mr. Hoge rather than writing about him. Thus, the Cassidy case does not apply.

Therefore, I find that you did engage in a course of conduct to harass Mr. Hoge during the 30 days prior to the filing of the petition and that you are likely to continue to do so. I will issue the peace order. For the next six months, you are not to contact him, and that includes in person, on the phone, by mail, by email, on Twitter, or any other means. You are not to attempt to contact him. You are not to harass him. You are to stay away from his residence.

Ms. Barnes, your client is retired?

ZOA: Yes, your honor.

JUDGE: OK, we don’t need the usual part about staying away from work. Does that cover every thing?

ZOA: Yes, your honor.

JUDGE: It is so ordered. Mr. Hoge, you can pick up your copy in the Clerk’s Office upstairs. Mr. Kim, have your client wait here, and a deputy will serve him after Mr. Hoge has left the courthouse.

Court’s adjourned.

ZOA AND KIM: (TOGETHER) Thank you, your honor.

SOUND: GAVEL

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) In spite of the judges’ order, The Grouch kept up his harassment and acted to keep the case alive in the Circuit Court while appealing it to the Court of Appeals—as we will see in the next episode of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

2 thoughts on “Episode 5


  1. Interesting, that stuff about Twitter. You know all that stuff that BS spouts about it not being contact? Hmm. A sample from his timeline:

    WMS Broadcasting ‏@WMSBroadcasting
    @kender1 Just wanted to hear what you have to say. KU Mocks my PD. You didn’t even know about it. Ruled yourself out. G’night. 7:16 PM – 19 Nov 13

    WMS Broadcasting ‏@WMSBroadcasting 19 Nov
    Hey, @kimberlinunmask — call home and check your messages. Then comment.
    12:09 PM – 19 Nov 13

    WMS Broadcasting ‏@WMSBroadcasting 19 Nov
    I’m in a very giving and generous mood today, @kimberlinunmask. Call home, check your messages, then follow and DM.
    12:11 PM – 19 Nov 13

    If Twitter is not direct contact, why is he directly speaking to the person he is harassing?

  2. Pingback: Episode 5 BLOGSMOKE | Dead Citizen's Rights Society

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