SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET
MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2
ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)
JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.
MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3
SOUND: CAR STARTING INTERIOR POV
JOHN: Who knows? Maybe a second set of harassment charges will chill him out?
SOUND: CAR ACCELERATES AND ROAD NOISE FADES
JOHN: At least, that’s what I hoped for when I filed the harassment complaint against The Grouch. Sure enough, the District Court Commissioner found probable cause to charge him with harassment, but that didn’t slow him down. The Grouch cranked things up to 11.
THE GROUCH: (THROUGH A SMALL SPEAKER) It’s all (BLEEP). It’s all absolute (BLEEP). And I and my family have been put through pain and suffering because Lee Stranahan has a grudge. Because somebody, in my opinion, is paying Lee Stranahan to file these charges against me, in the hopes that I will either break or die. I got some (BLEEP) news for you, Stranny (PAUSE) Walker, Hoggy, Frey (PAUSE) and Frey (PAUSE) beware the Ides of March.
JOHN: Do you believe that? He’s actually put that out on his Internet talk show.
AARON: (FILTERED) Yes, I believe it, and it’s a credible threat.
JOHN: I think so, too. BlogBash and CPAC are around the Ides of March, and given The Grouch’s association with a violent felon …
AARON: (FILTERED) The Bomber who’s been stalking my wife and me for a year now.
JOHN: Yeah. I don’t think I can ignore this … especially since that blog post accusing us of those bogus threats.
AARON: (FILTERED) And he’s ratcheted up the harassment on Twitter.
JOHN: I guess the next step is a peace order.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4
JOHN: I show you Petitioner’s Exhibit 2. It is a screen capture of tweets collected using the Snapbird application. Are these tweets that you sent from your account?
THE GROUCH: They appear to be. Yes, these are mine.
JOHN: There is a tweet highlighted on the first page. Please read it aloud to the Court.
THE GROUCH: I wonder what @wjjhoge got by way of payment. Something to comb out the poop flakes from his beard? Hah. I kid. I’m a kidder that way.
JOHN: (FADING OUT) Can you explain to the Court the journalistic purpose …
ANNOUNCER: On February 28th, trial was held in the Superior Court for the City and County of Los Angeles. In a moment the results of that trial.
Wait a minute, that’s the wrong script. Hold on while I take a sip of water and get the right … ah, here it is.
Thirsty? If you had a convenient Team Lickspittle water bottle, you could quench that thirst wherever you are. And carrying one is a great way to show your support for Team Lickspittle and Internet First Amendment rights. Like all Team Lickspittle stuff, the water bottle is available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle.
And now back to our story.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5
AARON: It’s too bad the judge believed his lie about not receiving your demand to stop contacting him.
JOHN: At least he put The Grouch on notice in no uncertain terms to leave me alone. Let’s go.
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS—DOOR OPENING—FOOTSTEPS DOWN THE HALL
KIM: (FADE IN AS DOOR OPENS) (LOUD, ANGRY) (VOICE OVER FOOTSTEPS) You were incredibly lucky today that the judge believed you about notice, but if you keep this up, you’ll wind up in jail. Don’t think that beating this peace order put you in the clear.
JOHN: Well, I guess I’d better go down stairs to the Clerk’s Office and file an appeal.
AARON: Yes, and it will be a trial de novo. You’ll be able to introduce and emphasize the evidence that he was on notice.
JOHN: Maybe he’ll pay attention to what his lawyer just told him and knock it off.
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS FADE
MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) As you might suspect, The Grouch didn’t pay attention to his lawyer’s advice—as we will see in the next episode of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT
ANNOUNCER: This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.