Bill, Wile, and Ralph

Bill Schmalfeldt’s failure laden antics invite an obvious comparison with Wile E. Coyote, and the bogacious legal advice he’s getting does seem to have the same level of quality as the products the coyote buys from Acme.

Sam_and_Ralph_clockSchmalfledt would be better advised to pattern his behavior to be more like that of Wile’s near twin Ralph. The Gentle Reader may remember that Ralph E. Wolf is paired with Sam the Sheep Dog in Warner Bros. cartoons. The two of them clock in and out together and treat each other respectfully off the job. Of course, the two them go at it while on the clock, but it isn’t personal. Professionals are like that.

One look at Schmalfeldt’s comments about my lawyer and her integrity shows that he doesn’t pretend to be professional.

In the end, it won’t matter whether Schmalfeldt chooses to play the role of Wile or Ralph. Both are losers. And so is he.

12 thoughts on “Bill, Wile, and Ralph


  1. I was just noticing how he is going off again on his ex-wife. Man seems unhinged at times when he starts ranting. His goading of his ex wife doesn’t seem to work. His guilt trips don’t seem to work. His reminding her that she cheated doesn’t seem to work.

    In the end you really have to wonder WHY she cheated on him. He’ll say it is because it is just her nature. But is that really it? Face it, somehow she was unsatisfied. So unsatisfied that she had to go outside the marriage to try to get satisfaction. All I know is most people usually tend to avoid their exes. He seems to be seeking her out.


  2. If one chooses to pursue this particular rabbit, wouldn’t the first question be, “Did it happen?” And given his history, wouldn’t the second question be, “Are the details even remotely similar to those promoted by the Cabin Boy?”

    That it came from the Cabin Boy is all that’s needed to make a solid prima facie case for it being untrue.


  3. Zoa Barnes went to law school. Let me back up – unlike high school Bill, she went to college. Then she went to law school. She passed the bar. She has been practicing for years. But everyone is supposed to believe him, an uneducated guy who wrote press releases, over an experienced professional. Okey dokey.


  4. Has anyone else noticed that the Einstein of Elkridge keeps referring to “Tanya” Kimberlin? This attention to detail should make reading his legal briefs a hoot. Maybe Zoa Barnes could use more popcorn?


    • “Tanya” is a common diminutive for “Tetyana.” When she introduced herself to me, she called herself “Tanya.”

      She was with Brett Kimberlin when he attended the first Hoge v. Schmalfeldt hearing in February. It is possible that she was introduced to Schmalfeldt as “Tanya.” We often think of someone else by informal name. I have a cousin named “James” who I invariably think of as “Jim.” I have another cousin James that after almost 40 years of trying I’m just now starting to think of as “Jim” instead of “Jimmy.”

      So, yes, Schmalfeldt may know Mrs. Kimberlin as “Tanya.”


  5. I have to object to the whole premise here. If Bill Schmalfeldt were represented by an ethical lawyer, that lawyer would be moving to have him involuntarily committed. If Schmalfeldt shows up with counsel the basic presumption to take is that his attorney is not ethical.

    The ethical obligation a lawyer has to his client begins with respecting confidentiality, and ends with raising any or all reasonable doubts. That’s it. Bill Schmalfeldt is guilty as both a matter of law and fact. Other than assuring that the state has crossed all its t’s and dotted all it’s i’s an ethical lawyer is under no obligation to offer any defense whatsoever.

    People tell jokes like,

    What’s the difference between a sperm cell and a lawyer?

    The sperm cell has a one in ten-million shot of becoming a human being!,

    and,

    What’s fifty lawyers chained together on the bottom of the ocean?

    A good start!,

    for a reason. And, that reason has a lot to do with the unethical and outrageous tactics many lawyers use to justify their compensation. An ethical lawyer is perfectly free to argue that journalists have certain liberties if he believes that is the law. An ethical lawyer is perfectly free to argue though his client fancies himself a “journalist” he is really a private citizen acting in his personal capacity if he believes that is the law. He is not entitled to claim both.

    I would note that these standards apply to people soliciting work as a paralegal as much as members of the bar.


  6. “Humiliation and indifference, these are conditions every one of us finds unbearable — this is why the Coyote when falling is more concerned with the audience’s opinion of him than he is with the inevitable result of too much gravity.”
    — Chuck Jones

  7. Pingback: Grateful for my adversaries | On (or close to) Schedule

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