In Re a Peace Order


On 27 August, 2014, the Circuit Court for Carroll County granted my petition for a peace order against Bill Schmalfedt. I believe that he has violated the terms of the court’s order and have petitioned the court to hold him in contempt.

I have not yet been advised of the date of a show cause hearing, and I do not wish to comment further on the matter until after the court has ruled on my contempt petition.

“It’s all horseshit.”


Given the events of the past few days, I believe that it is appropriate to repost this—

Originally Posted on 10 August, 2013

#BillSchmalfeldt: Delusions of Adequacy

Let’s back up for a minute and reexamine that Cabin Boy quote from 18 February.

It’s all horseshit. It’s all absolute horseshit. And I and my family have been put through pain and suffering because Lee Stranahan has a grudge. Because somebody, in my opinion, is paying Lee Stranahan to file these charges against me, in the hopes that I will either break or die.  I got some fucking news for you, Stranny [pause] Walker, Hoggy, Frey [pause] and Frey [pause] beware the Ides of March.

Somebody paid Lee Stranahan to file charges? Oh, come now. Who would care enough about a loser like Bill Schmalfeldt to want to spend the money?

Bill Schmalfeldt is a failure. Other than people who are dealing with his harassment and a few others who enjoy laughing at his gaffes, almost no one cares about him and the ways he blights the Internet. He’s a functional nonentity with a vanishingly small readership and essentially nonexistent listenership.

He is, at most, a vile insect, and some of us who he has annoyed have taken swats at him, but not one had to pay us. Certainly, the filthiness the Stranahan family endured from the Cabin Boy was sufficient motivation for Lee Stranahan to seek redress, and it’s not surprising that the Walker family sought relief either.

I have been able to bring a bit of justice to Schmalfeldt via a peace order. No one paid me to do so. I brought legal action because I was tired of being harassed. I’ve paid every cent of the my legal expenses out of my own pocket. Sore Loserman Bill has filed a Motion to Modify the peace order. I won’t speak to the merits (if there are any) of his motion while it is before the court, that’s my lawyer’s job, but I will say that it strikes me as foolish attempt to relitigate the case. The judge ruled on the facts and the law and issued the peace order. Schmalfeldt is also appealing the case. It will be interesting to see if the appeals court gets to the case before the peace order expires and makes his appeal moot. Meanwhile, the Cabin Boy continues to misrepresent the terms of the peace order in a lame effort to justify his ongoing violations.

Although some of his associates are troubling, I’m not afraid of Bill Schmalfeldt per se. I’m annoyed by him. I intend to use all lawful means to make sure that he stops bothering me. If that shuts him down so that he can’t bother anyone else, it will be a nice bonus.

No one hopes that Bill Schmalfeldt will “break or die.” He not that important to anyone. His victims just wish the grossly inadequate loser would quit wasting Internet bandwidth and leave decent people alone. As Mr. T says,

I pity the fool.

Prevarications Du Jour


The Cabin Boy™ has a long post up at cabinboycomedy dot com that includes an email that he supposedly sent to an Officer Trodden and to Wayne Kirwan who he identifies as a “deputy Howard County State’s Attorney.

According to the Howard County State’s Attorney’s Office website, Mr. Kirwan serves as Director of Community Justice & Public Information. Mr. Kirwan is not a Deputy State’s Attorney. He isn’t a lawyer. According to his LinkedIn page, Mr. Kirwan has an M.S. in Public Relations from American University but no law degree.

The Cabin Boy™ also states in the alleged email he reproduces in the post that I know the identity of “Paul Krendler.”

I do not.

A Bit of Investigative Work …


… led me to take a look at the listings for the Cabin Boy’s™ books and CDs at Amazon. One of his books is called Troll Louse Kookies. As of this afternoon, it has a sales rank somewhere south of 5,000,000, implying (imputing for Team Kimberlin) that there have been essentially no sales for weeks. The About the Author blurb reads as follows:THKaboutNotice the initials at the end. They are not the Cabin Boy’s™. They belong to Eric Johnson. How did they get there? Only the seller has access to the About the Author portion of the page. Only Bill Schmalfeldt could have put those initial there. It appears that he has, in effect, forged Mr. Johnson’s initials.

The Cabin Boy™ has a history of forging documents. I would not be surprised to find that he is trying to pull a similar stunt against Mr. Johnson in order to manufacture evidence to support a false accusation against an “enemy.” Given the Cabin Boy’s™ recent fixation on Mr. Johnson, forgery by Schmalfeldt for the sake of causing trouble is a reasonable hypothesis.

UPDATE—I am informed that The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt™ has tweeted an admission against interest confirming that he is the source of the bogus initials.

Bonus Prevarication Du Jour


CBPR201411300042ZPerhaps Tupperware isn’t allowed, but zip-lock bags are apparently OK packaging for manure sent through the mail.

A simple bit of googling shows plenty of companies offering to sell various kinds of manure with shipping via U. S. Mail. It’s most commonly offered by businesses catering to mushroom growers who only need small quantities for use as fertilizer. BTW, horse manure seems to be preferred for mushrooms.

UPDATE—OK, let’s assume that the Cabin Boy™ files a complaint with the Postal Inspection Service. So what? The only result will be that there’s one more government office where eye roll when they hear the name Schmalfeldt.