Category Archives: Humor

Don’t Give Up Your Day Job

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Yeah, I know that there’s some folks out there who view the President’s standup routine at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner as first-rate, but I’m in the camp of those who disagree. My usual advice to people who really shouldn’t be on the stage is “don’t give up your day job,” and I would offer it to Barack Obama even if I thought he had been brilliant.

Visualize President Biden.

The Principal Element of the Problem

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Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons that are further surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like sub particles called peons. Governmentium has no electrons and is therefore inert. However, It can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of governmentium can take a reaction that normally occurs in seconds and slow it to the point where it take days.

Governmentium has a normal half life of three years. It doesn’t decay but re-organizes, a process where assistant deputy neutrons and deputy neutrons change places. This process actually causes it to grow, as in the confusion some morons become neutrons, thereby forming isodopes. This phenomenon of moron promotion has led to some speculation that governmentium forms whenever sufficient morons meet in concentration forming critical morass.

Researchers believe that in Governmentium, the more you re-organize, the morass you cover.

Important Bulletin

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At this time, as a public service, we are glad to post the following superseding additional supplementary bulletin from the Office of Fluctuation Control and Ceiling Repairs, Bureau of Edible Condiments, Soluble, Insoluble, and Indigestible Fats and Glutinous Derivatives, Washington, D.C.:

Correction of the Correction of the Correction of Directive 943456201, issued earlier, February 2, 2009. First correction: that number is now 943456202. The second correction: please note that said Directive reading “chopped hogmeat” formerly reading “ground hogmeat” formerly reading “groundhog meat” should now read “sausage.”

—Bob and Ray